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The Lipstick Gospel

I was wrong… I DO need Jesus.

I'm Stephanie May Wilson!

I'm an author and podcaster and my specialty is helping women navigate big decisions, life transitions β€” creating lives they love.

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It’s humbling, yet necessary to admit that I was wrong.

In an attempt to thwart some of my personal expectations, to remove the pressure of perfection, I released myself from spending significant amounts of time with God every day.

What I was trying to do was peel back the pressure that makes me feel like a bad Christian when I say a quick β€˜hello’ before having to race out of bed and into the shower.

What I ended up doing was isolating myself.

In the midst of one of the most confusing times I’ve felt in a long time, a time full of anxiety and questions, I knew that what I needed more than anything was peace. But by capping my time alone with the Lord, I was keeping myself from just that.

Anxiety- The Lipstick Gospel

I was standing quietly in the back of a room last night, as my boyfriend led a group of mission trip leaders in worship. I wanted my mind to be focusing, singularly and reverently, on the Lord, allowing his peace and presence to wash over me. But instead my mind was a hotbed of those familiar anxieties, all of the β€˜should’s’ and β€˜what if’s’ back in full force.

I found a couch in the back and curled up, willing my mind to get quiet, but my will was no match for those fear-filled questions.

I stood up again as the notes became familiar, the words echoing my heartbeat of the last year.

β€œNo place I’d rather be than here in your love…”

Outdoor Worship- The Lipstick Gospel

I joined the group, singing the words, breathing deeply and trying to calm my frantic heart, when my mind was suddenly filled with a truth that I hadn’t understood.

β€œThe solution to fear isn’t answers. It’s Jesus.”

In an attempt to shrug away shame and harsh expectations, I set myself β€˜free’ from spending a concentrated amount of intentional time with God. But that was the opposite of what I should have done.

While shame should never be a part of the equation, I realized that I deeply need the Lord.

I realized that every other interest, obligation and responsibility should come second to that precious time with God each morning.

I realized that I had been desperately seeking peace, frantically searching out answers, when those weren’t the things that I should have been searching for.

I need Jesus.

I need as much time as I can get with my God. I need his words to soak into my skin like a thick, luxurious lotion. I need his character and love for me to be etched into my heart. I need the stories of his faithfulness to be at the front of my mind and for his presence to be that warm blanket of peace that’s wrapped around my shoulders.

I DO need Jesus- The Lipstick Gospel

Without him, any form of β€˜peace’ is thin and insufficient. Without him, my peace comes from an answer that quells the ache just for a moment, until my fearful mind punches through the answer, the anxiety raging on.

Peace doesn’t come from us… it doesn’t come from breathing deeply, from having every kind of insurance or even from having all of the answers. Peace comes from God, and it’s through seeking him that we find it.

So without an attempt to be overly clever with a double negative, I’m throwing that β€˜to don’t’ out. Replacing it with a β€˜to do.’ Not because that’s what β€˜good Christians’ do, not because God’s going to be mad if I don’t. But because I know that more than any other resolution, I deeply need this one.

To do: Spend as much time with the Lord as possible.

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  1. Melissa says:

    I love your definition of peace. I’ve chosen that as my new word for 2013. I, too, live in a state of anxiety and I think that answers will come if I can just figure them out. I try to trailblaze a way, forgetting that if I can just rest and spend time with God, it would be so much easier! And yet when I do try that, it feels like it’s been so long that I forget what to expect. It’s almost awkward. I know it’s just a season and as I draw near, so will God. I’d love to hear more about what your time with the Lord looks like. πŸ™‚

    • Stephanie says:

      This is beautiful Melissa. I love this phrase “As I draw near, so will God.” It’s really true. I’m actually writing an article about ‘quiet times’ right now! πŸ™‚

  2. Christy says:

    I love this Steph – it’s so very true that fear isn’t the answer…and man oh man His presence is our very substance.
    I thought of you the other day as I had a moment similar to this – the words of ‘I lean not on my own understanding…my life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven, I give it all to you God, trusting that You’ll make something beautiful, out of me…there’s nothing I hold on to…” You know the rest. All in a flash I was out of my mind, and the sound in my ear-buds had faded. I was taken back to that dark little echoing room in Bangalore, India – the night you were leading worship at the front of the room, the dull light of your computer screen the only thing giving people’s eyes a reprieve from the darkness. I hurt that night Steph. I hurt deep. I tried to bang on my drum…and that’s all it would have been that night because I didn’t even want to play – I was too afraid of the chaos going on in my heart. But as you continued to strum, a shout rose up. My favorite part of that night was as my arms flew up, tears slobbering their way down my face, you were about to end it – and the tiniest pause lingered in the air, before we all exploded into singing again and declaring “I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open…” YES! That’s what this season is Steph. Climbing with hands wide open – holding onto nothing, yet being held by His heart. Steady. True. Sweet. Redeemed. Healed. Perfected in love. No longer a slave to fear…a son, a daughter. Royal blood, redemption, resurrection in our veins.

    I seriously love you…also, you inspire me…I need to write. There’s so much dancing through this heart. πŸ™‚ Have a ridiculous day! #longestcommentever #icouldveemailedyou

    • Stephanie says:

      Christy- I love this! I love this memory and I love that you were there. Thank you so much for reminding me of this today. You have words woman! Send me what you write- you inspire me too. πŸ™‚

  3. I love it when song lyrics promote that kind of stirring in your heart and deeper argument with the Lord as you wrestle with a truth that seems to elementary at first glance. It happened to me last night with the line, “Jesus, You’re all I need.” Is He really all I need? And do I believe that’s true?

  4. abby says:

    love this!!! my bestie and I posted something somewhat similar on our blog too, http://www.abbzandkenz.blogspot.com/

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