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The Lipstick Gospel

A Workout-Failure Begins Afresh

I'm Stephanie May Wilson!

I'm an author and podcaster and my specialty is helping women navigate big decisions, life transitions — creating lives they love.

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I’m starting to feel really bad for my body.


Call it My First 9-5, or laziness, or a sheer lack of self-discipline, but no matter what you call it, the fact remains the same: I’m out of shape.


I’ve gone through phases throughout my life. I’ve been a competitive dancer and a gym rat, added a thick coat of cheap beer to my body and topped it off with greasy hangover food. I’ve woken up early for spin classes and gone on the World Race—filling my body with strange food from all over the world.


But now I’m back to square one—my favorite foods surrounding me like a squishy blanket—spending 10 hours a day in front of my computer and poking at myself loathingly when my bikini body isn’t ready to go.


I’ve come up with several workout plans—convinced that the right combination of one healthy grocery trip, and buying a gym membership is enough to do the trick.


Carl laughed tonight saying that we’re our gym’s best customers. We’ve been paying 10 dollars a month for 6 months and have only gone twice.


Trying to get myself motivated, I vowed to run a 5K, even signing myself up for one. But by the time the Color Run rolled around, I hadn’t run in months, and I ended up walking the whole thing.


It’s kind of ridiculous, and so you have to laugh. But at the same time, I’m starting to feel really sorry for my body. My poor body has been ignored, neglected, and pumped full of things that aren’t good for her, and then she’s been chided and ridiculed when she doesn’t look the way I want her to—punished immediately with a grueling workout, and then neglected all over again.


But recently that’s begun to change. I’m starting to feel like a middle school bully who’s finally wising up to the consequences of her actions. In the past few months I’ve been developing a real love for my body and a desire to treat it with respect and care.


But the problem is my self-discipline. I have it, but it’s otherwise occupied. It’s working overtime in other areas of my life: My relationship with God, my relationships with people, my job, my writing, and civic responsibilities like cleaning the kitchen and paying my bills. It’s all I can do to not forget anything major, to keep my ducks in a row.


And the thought of adding another duck sounds impossible. My hands are full.


Not only that, but I don’t have patience for a slow start.


I’m a 0-60 kind of girl. I want to start at a sprint. And so when those moments come where I finally am motivated to get into shape, I take on too much. I commit to Jillian’s 30-Day Shred (which sounds like no big deal until you do once and want to throw up), or vow to eat healthfully for the rest of my life—in one decisive swoop.


I expect perfection immediately—poking at my body impatiently when the 20-minute run didn’t immediately zap any and all jiggle.


So tired from the grueling pace I’ve set, my discipline stretched thin, and instant results frustratingly absent, I give up. And then repeat the cycle a few months later—another failed attempt tucked discouragingly under my belt.


And this is just not the way I want to live.


I feel defeated. I feel like this is the one thing in my life I can’t do. And it makes me really sad.


And so tonight I went for a walk—hoping for some kind of exercise revelation—some way to work health back into my life.


I love walking. It soothes my mind and gives my soul space to breathe. I love the familiarity of my path—the fact that I just have to put one foot in front of the other, and my brain can go into hibernation.


And so I walked. I walked up and around my apartment complex, down a steep hill only to turn around and walk back up. My heart was pounding for the first time in a long time—reminding me that although I’ve given up, my body hasn’t.


And as I walked, I hatched a plan. And I think it’s a pretty good one.


I’ve got to start somewhere, and I’m in desperate need of a win. I need a gold star on my chest to prove to myself that I’m not always a quitter. I need to set a manageable goal, and I need to watch myself complete it.


So here’s what I’m going to do:


Part 1: I’m going to take a 30-minute walk, three times a week for a month. That’s 12 walks in the next month.


Part 2: I’m going to drink three glasses of water a day. I know that falls painfully short of where I’m supposed to be, but hey… it’s a start.


No extra credit for running 10 miles—no impossible goal.


Just two: walk and water. Three times a week, and three times a day.


And so here it goes. Day one of a month of health—a month of treating my body like someone I love—with care, respect and intention.


Want to join me?

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  1. I can totally commit to doing this with you. Every tells me I should be working out before the Race but I can’t seem to get past day 4…

  2. This post absolutely struck home. I’ve spent the entire summer committing to false starts. I’ve started the Couch-to-5K running program, but rather than the every other day recommended regimen, I run once – maybe twice if I’m extra good – a week. It’s frustrating then when my favorite jeans are a little too tight or I reject a cute picture my sister wants to post to Instagram because I don’t like the way I look in it.

    I’m inspired by your blog in many ways, but this one definitely struck a chord. I love your simple approach, and I think I’ll try along with you!

  3. We are cut from the same cloth, love! I always take on a new goal full force and expecting perfection. Of course, this ultimately leads to my failure and then frustration.

    I love where you’re at with this and what you’re learning along the way. Know you’re not alone! 😉

    “Do no despise these small beginnings , for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin, to the see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hands.”
    – Zechariah 4:10

  4. Grrr Arrgg…this is so frustrating isn’t it!?!? I actually started working out again almost a month ago after not doing so for about three months. I’ve always been an “on again – off again” guy when it comes to exercise and taking care of my body. For some reason I get bored with exercising after awhile, and never stay consistent with it.

    Funny story though, after not working out for a period of time I always (because this has happened multiple times) end up starting back with the exercising again after a certain occurrence happens to me while driving I call the, “pothole jiggle” lol. In this occurrence I’m driving in my truck around town and hit a pothole and out of nowhere I feel (like totally feel) my stomach jiggle, lol! It’s funny (because if you didn’t laugh chances are you’d cry) but it also freaks me out enough to fire up the exercise wagon again.

    So here’s to getting into shape! Also you and Carl shouldn’t feel bad…I once was paying 40 bucks a month to a gym I went to 5 times in the span of a year. We all forfeit our gym money at some point :o) But you got this, Stephanie! Kick that walk(s) and water(s) butt!

  5. Allison says:

    I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who hasn’t been working out much either. I went on a walk last night and would love to join you in the 3 times a week 30 minutes walking challenge!

    http://agodfashionedlife.com

  6. Oh my, I understand completely! I just started working out and cant even walk that far yet. I had to join the little bitty ole ladies at the Rec for water aerobics instead! I even wrote about it today! Great minds girl. Love you, and you can do it!

  7. Yes! All too often do I feel the same as you do. It’s frustrating and I feel as if I do a lot. A lot. All so much so that it takes what seems like forever to see any firms or some positive improvement. I’m glad you shared this! It reminds me that I’m not alone!

  8. Brooke says:

    I did the same thing! In fact, my gym is getting 30 bucks a month and I haven’t darkened the door since last October! Can’t believe I just admitted that. But, I’m a 0-60 type gal myself. I either go all in or all out. And its a hard dance to do. The gray areas/areas in the middle of my extremes are super hard for me to take. But, I know I have to. I know I need to. And I like your plan. It sounds manageable and healthy and a step (pardon the pun) in the right direction. I know you can do that for yourself. I commit to doing that with you. Thanks for the motivation and being open to this wonderful loving change for yourself. Your blogs always resonate with me…I’m cheering for you!

  9. Charise Christianson says:

    This is totally me, totally!!! You have just written and described my life to a T!! 🙂 I was just praying about this, this morning and I am smiling because God is so faithful. I am totally going to follow after you and do what’s managable and so I will be walking 30 minutes three times a day and drinking 3 cups of water. I love this!!

  10. Girl, I so relate to this! Sometimes, I try to overhaul everything (all organic, no sugar, exercise, exercise, exercise!), and I just get overwhelmed and sad. I want to be good to myself and my body, but I also want to live fully and joyfully and completely. I will definitely join you in your steps to making small changes. Thanks for sharing this! 🙂

  11. collee15 says:

    If you ever want to add a 4th fun day; you should come to my place and do the “step-up: revolution” work out DVD with me!! It’s a blast; AND it’s a good workout! Proud of you!

  12. Dawn Muench says:

    Great post Steph- it’s clear that you are NOT alone in this…the key to any kind of lasting “behavior” change is to make the changes super small, extremely doable, and something you actually enjoy (or at least don’t hate). So you are perfect- I always tell anyone I’m working with in this sort of thing- be it exercise, nutrition, addiction/habit breaking, goals, changes etc- that the key to success is setting yourself up for success. If you cant walk 3 times a week for 30 minutes, go to three times a week for 5 minutes. Seriously- whatever it takes so that you are ONLY giving yourself positive reinforcement and positive self-talk. Then, it becomes SO easy to walk 6 minutes…and before you know it, you are loving it! The other key is to find the exercise YOU love- there are SOOO many out there and I think sometimes we become so limited by what everyone else is doing that we don’t realize we are all different….Another key to success is accountability- announcing your plan on your blog for instance 🙂 Now you’ll have lots of people checking in on you, which always keeps me motivated! I think this time is going to be different b/c you are doing it for the right motivation 🙂 Thanks for sharing your struggles!

  13. I really enjoyed your post and your previous posts! Sounds like we’re similar in wanting things to just happen. Keep up the good work!! 🙂

  14. […] Walk/jog for 30 minutes (love this idea of just walking for 30 minutes a day by Stephanie). […]

  15. I completely relate to this! I just started working out and eating healthy this past week after sort of binge-fallen off the wagon stint that went on for several weeks. Sometimes, there’s so much going on taking care of ourselves seems like the least priority, and yet it’s sooo important. Little changes every day are what matters. God speed to you! Here’s to writing and health =)

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