Have you ever noticed that really good days are often followed by itchy, frustrating ones? It’s as if some cosmic playground bully saw the radiance of your smile and decided that he’d do anything he could to spill chocolate milk on you in the lunch line.
Great days are never without resistance.
If you’ve been reading The Lipstick Gospel for a while, you’ve heard me mention chaos. This season has been one of plans to make and boxes to check and errands to run. It’s been one of tears as I’ve find out (yet again) that I’m just not perfect, and even more tears as I’ve tried to be anyway.
But in one fell, merciful swoop, my chaos has grown quiet.
The hustle and the stress and the plates I’ve been spinning have faded into the crisp fall mornings, and my heart feels like it’s been opened all over again to the sweetness of life.
My eyes are less wild, more focused, gazing in wonder at the trees overhead, wondering lazily when they’ll turn that miraculous red.
I’ve been able to have conversations—lots of them—slowing down and catching up and listening and responding. I have fresh energy to engage with the people around me—seeing them for the funny, wise, world-changing gift that they are.
I’ve woken up each morning snuggled in tight—rested and happy, and wanting to stay cozy for just five more minutes… five more minutes… five more minutes.
From the coziness of my bed, I’ve reached for my journal the way I used to—my craving for God outweighing the sleep in my eyes and the heaviness of their lids. And this hasn’t happened in a really long time.
I’ve said no when yes feels safer. I’ve enjoyed time alone for the first time in months. I’ve given space to the thoughts in my head, and found out that they’re actually pretty good company.
I’m so grateful for the hush, so grateful for the quiet, so grateful for the rich tangibles of life—good food, kisses, best friends, naps.
I’m finding peace in a whole new way, and I’ve invited it to stay a while.
And I wish I could end the story there.
But I can’t, because the playground bully noticed my smile and has been pestering me ever since.
Following those days of sweetness—comparison, dissatisfaction, and striving began poking at my peace—tempting me back into the old way I just escaped from.
I’m looking at my writing with sudden doubt—critical and harsh and wiggly with dissatisfaction.
I’ve been laboring over articles that are mostly done but somehow miss the mark, finally giving up in frustration.
Comparison has screeched into view, and I’m wondering why I can’t design things like them, or write like that, or why everything they do seems just a little bit better.
I can feel the old pulling at my coat tails, trying to give me more striving to lose sleep over.
And this is so not what I want to be doing right now.
Sprint, strive, perform has been the name of the game for the last six months. And it’s a miracle I made it out.
And so in a fierce act of defiance I’m speaking up, sharing the frustration, the comparison, and this general stuck-ness that is smogging up my hushed peace.
Because even the act of announcing such things tells the bully and the joy-stealers that I’m putting up with none of it, and that their work here is done.
Entering new seasons is hard. The old is comfortable and known—like an old pair of jeans or tire tracks in the snow.
And even when we step into new jeans, or blaze new trails—when we start a new relationship, or begin healing from the last one—when we choose joy over sorrow, or hush over hurry, there’s always going to be that old thing tugging us back. The familiar thing, the worn-in thing will do its best to pull us back to where it feels we belong.
But we know better.
We know that we’re meant for peace, and newness and healing. We’re meant for joy and for hush and for new pairs of jeans.
But sometimes we have to stand up one more time and tell the old that it’s over—for real this time.
So today I’m standing tall in a season of hush—and I have a feeling it’s going to stick around for a while.
What does this season look like in your life ? How can you stand up for peace today?