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Faith

If this is God’s Will, shouldn’t I feel Peace?

I'm Stephanie May Wilson!

I'm an author and podcaster and my specialty is helping women navigate big decisions, life transitions — creating lives they love.

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I wish we’d stop measuring the will of God based on peace.


When faced with a big decision we ask each other: do you have peace about it? Where’s the peace? Do you feel at peace about that decision?


We think that wherever the peace goes, we should go too


But lately I’m wondering if peace is actually the foolproof compass we imagine it to be.


If you read through the bible, most of the people in the stories had really scary assignments: Go someplace you’ve never been, fight a giant, give birth to God’s child, die on a cross.


Nothing about these assignments screams peace to me—at least not peace in the way we usually think of it.


When I think of the word peace, I think of a hot shower on a cold morning, a fluffy bed at the end of a long day, or a hug from my dad.


And for some people, the will of God may feel like that.


But for me, that kind of peace has led me astray every single time.


I have felt peace about decisions that were really, truly, wrong for me. I was praying about it, I was seeking the Lord’s guidance, but I still had total peace that I should marry him… and him… and him. Red flags be damned.


If you feel peace when the Lord is leading you somewhere…good for you. Enjoy being wrinkle free for the rest of your life.


I, on the other hand, am going to have a face like a Shar Pei from all of the times I’ve been asked to do things that scare me to death.


I have yet to see the name of a man in the sky, or a gigantic road sign saying, “Hey, Stephanie May… move to Georgia and work for a missions organization.” Although it’s probably a good idea that God doesn’t work that way. If he did, I would probably think he was talking to the other Stephanie May that was considering a move to Georgia in the name of missions.


I don’t hear a voice from above, and no matter how hard I beg and plead, God rarely gives me the kind of confirmation I’m looking for.


But along with a major lack of signage when God is leading me somewhere, I also have a distinct lack of peace.


I cry like a baby in the face of life change. All of the positive possibilities fade away and all I can see are the unknowns and the shiny options I’m leaving behind.


I’ve learned to trick myself into big decisions—signing up with a down payment months in advance—committing to something I know I’ll be afraid of later. I spend the next several months crying and throwing temper tantrums, but at least it’s too late to change my mind.


But on the other side of those fear-filled decisions have come the sweetest parts of my life.


That first mission trip, the chance to study abroad, quitting the conventional career, going back to it years later, have all been the most terrifying, best decisions of my life.


If we’re doing life the way that Jesus did, then peace might be the wrong thing to pray for. Jesus told us to take up our cross and follow him—to lose our lives so we can gain them.


I don’t know about you, but losing my life sounds like a terrible thing. It sounds like ditching all of my efforts at planning something good for the itty-bitty hope that God could whip up something better.


I think that’s why they call it a leap of faith, because it feels like a leap.


The fear, the unknown, having no idea what’s waiting for you at the bottom, your heart feeling like it’s going to come out of your throat, and the acute knowledge that you’re screwed if God doesn’t show up…that sounds like a leap to me.


God’s people have done some crazy things through the years. They’ve conquered kingdoms, shut the mouths of lions, and died for the things they knew were good and right.


They were crazy, radical, by-the-skin-of-their-teeth and by-the-grace-of-God kind of people.


But God tells us not to be afraid. He tells us to be strong and courageous, to trust him, to have faith and not to doubt because with the kind of life we’re going to live with him, we’re going to need that advice. And it’s scary, but it is always good.


Every single time it’s been better than I ever could have asked for or imagined.


Every single time God gets to look at me and say, “Stephanie, this is why following me is ANYTHING but boring.”


I want that kind of life. I want to be living proof that God caught me every single time I found the courage to jump.


Where are you looking for peace in your life? What would it take for you to jump?


(This is a repost of an article I wrote in July of last year. It was a much needed reminder for me, I hope it is for you too!)

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  1. Lindsey says:

    Hey Stephanie,

    Your newest post popped up in my inbox this morning and just a few hours later I stumbled across this link posted by a fellow friend who already works at VSCO. Not sure where you’re at or if you’re still looking, but figured it was worth the share. Hope you’re well 🙂

    http://vsco.co/careers

  2. sunny says:

    So timely. Thank you! I especially needed to read this: “He tells us to be strong and courageous, to trust him, to have faith and not to doubt because with the kind of life we’re going to live with him, we’re going to need that advice. And it’s scary, but it is always good.”

    For me when I’ve been in transition to somewhere new God wants me to be, it’s always been accompanied first by a period of unrest – of being uncomfortable where I am. I figure that’s because I’m not going to go willingly when I’m 100% happy somewhere. When God starts whispering that there’s a change coming, it stirs up something in my soul…. so that the change is not a big surprise.

    Then again, I have doubted and then tested God… before I moved back to the Midwest from California, I told God I’d go… “…BUT there are these four things I’m concerned about.” One by one, God took care of each item on my list: A relationship I was in ended; a good friend whose daughters were like my nieces – she called to say she was moving to Texas; and I worried about my job and finding a replacement – and a friend turned out to be available to replace me. One by one, God took care of them all, and I was left with peace about moving. I miss my CA friends terribly but also know I’m precisely where God wants me.

    However, I’m in another transition and am praying for God’s will – which is unseen to me right now. So I have to have faith, trust and obey, and seek His will – which is why your post is perfect for me today. Thank you!!!

  3. Catherine says:

    I trick myself into things too, when I’m stronger and think “I’ll probably chicken out, so let’s make the no-turning-back decision now, when I can!” I think it works…jury’s out, I guess 🙂

  4. Lynnette says:

    Needed to hear this, thank you for your honesty and courage in writing it.

  5. Laura says:

    I needed to hear this today! I’m in the middle of studying for exams and feeling terrible about them! So if God doesn’t show up, I’m in trouble.
    Steph, you and my parents have reminded me to just carry on and trust Him!
    Thanks! 🙂

  6. Denise Ross says:

    Loving this. Things have worked out when I’ve trusted God for me and it usually happens at lightening speed when the time is right. We’ve been wondering what to do with work for my husband whose had a career change from builder to nurse. He loves his new career, but he’s casual and we have a family with financial commitments so we do get nervous about having to pay bills and will there be enough money.? God does provide the work but there are long hours for my husband. I work full time too. Fro. Past experience I’ve learnt to ask for doors to close that are not I. gods will because I rarely get peace feeling on things too and it does make it very difficult when making big decisions. We always do a pro and con list for big decisions and then pray about it and keep moving forward with it. If it’s not Gods will the door closes.

  7. Amy Hodgdon says:

    I just found your blog through Casey Leigh’s link-up….Thanks for these beautiful thoughts.
    This really WAS a beautiful reminder for me…..life is scary sometimes, trusting God is scary….but it’s SO worth it!

    One of my teachers in Bible School once said…”God has a perfect record of faithfulness, and He’s not going to mess it up on you.”
    I love what you said at the end…”I want that kind of life. I want to be living proof that God caught me every single time I found the courage to jump.”
    Amen girl! Me too!

  8. (found your link thru Casey’s link up!)

    Wow, I’m going to definitely chew on your words for a while…because they go against what I’ve heard before, yet they ring true. We may not have peace because our decisions are going against our own will, our desires, and what the world tells us is smart/logical/good. I often have mixed feelings – for example, we are moving back to America after three years in Cambodia. I know it’s the right decision and I’m looking forward to it, but I still have some anxiety and uncertainty about such a huge life change.

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