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How To Survive When Your Life Is In Limbo

Are you living through a big change or transition? Read this post for my best advice when your life is in limbo!
I'm Stephanie May Wilson!

I'm an author and podcaster and my specialty is helping women navigate big decisions, life transitions — creating lives they love.

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You know that feeling of seeing your best friend for the first time in a long time? You have a million things to say, questions to ask, topics to discuss, but you are quiet for a moment, soaking in her presence, but also realizing you just don’t know where to start.


That’s how I feel with you today.


I’ve missed you, Lipstick Gospel. So much has happened, and I have so much to tell you. It’s hard to know where to begin.


My dear friend Ally has a phrase she uses often. When she’s deep in thought, or going through something, she describes that place as being “in it.” The mental picture I get when she says this is of being in an adult-sized ball pit, or maybe one of those foam pits you used to dive into as a kid in gymnastics class.


Being “in it” is being in the midst, in the middle, far away from either shore. It’s not staring at a problem from the edge, but submerged in it instead. It’s a brave but challenging place to be.


“In it” is the best way to describe where I’ve been for the last several months. I’ve lost a job, and started a new one. I’ve planned a wedding and gotten married. I’ve changed roommates (now I live with my husband!), apartments, cities, and states.


Everything has changed, and I’m just scratching the surface on the lessons this season has taught me. But I have learned a lot about what to do, and what not to do when you’re right in the middle, when you’re “in it.”


You may be “in it” today. You may be waiting for something to happen, waiting to get somewhere or to get out of somewhere, waiting for something to be over or to begin. And so today I wanted to share a few things that helped me in this last season of transition. I hope it’ll help you too!


The first thing I learned is the importance of being present.


When Carl and I lost our jobs, the first thing I did was to look up plane tickets home. My heart was broken and distance was the one thing I was convinced would make the ache go away. When shared my plan with Carl, he flat-out said “no”. He wasn’t going to let me run, and I’m so glad he didn’t.


So often, our first reaction to change and hurt is to want to avoid it. We want to fall asleep now and wake up when it’s all over. But the most important thing about change is to be present through it.


Change is our best teacher, and if we sleep our way through it, we won’t learn and we won't grow.


And that’s the second thing I learned during that season of change. We have to let it change us.


Carl and I changed and grew together in so many ways through the months that followed us losing our jobs. As we searched for apartments, and made lists of cities where we could move, as we applied for hundreds of jobs, and stuffed hundreds of wedding invitations, we changed.


We became people who love better — more patient and kind and understanding of each other. We became a better couple — our love time-tested and nuanced in a way that only comes from circumstances you wouldn’t have asked for. And we learned to trust God better, getting to see firsthand that He really does provide like He says He will, even when we doubted that He would.


But we didn’t do any of this alone, which brings me to the third thing I learned about change.


In transitional seasons, don’t isolate yourself. Connect to the people around you.


When we were all let go from our jobs, the first thing we did was go to lunch together at a Mexican restaurant down the street. Carl prayed for us before we ate, and as he prayed, we clutched each other’s hands and cried. 15 of us circled around chips and salsa, broken hearts, and mid-day margaritas. We could have gone our separate ways, but we didn’t.


We clung together — the group of us did. We spent evenings at each other’s houses, and had more dinner parties than we ever had while we worked together. Our friendships that had long hovered near the surface dug deep as we cried together, laughed together, were angry together, and dreamed together. We walked through the transition the same way we entered it — holding hands, praying together, and drinking the occasional margarita.


They were all at our wedding — sitting in one long row and crying their eyes out. They cried because they know. They know us, and our relationship, and what we’ve been through to get to the front of that aisle. They know because they’ve been there too, walking alongside us, holding our hands, and making the journey bearable.


The last thing I learned through this season of change is this: It will get better.


That’s the hardest part of being “in it” — it’s hard to imagine you ever will get out of it.


But you will.


The pain of losing a job, the stress of applying for new ones, packing up one home, trying to create another one, planning a wedding, all of it — you will not be in the middle of it forever.


And that’s so important to remember. It’s the thing that keeps you moving, that keeps you hoping, that keeps you from throwing in the towel. But getting to the other side isn’t always the point. It’s how you get there, and how you change that matters even more.


The transition isn’t completely over for me — I’m still adjusting, moving in, and making friends. But my heart is breathing a big sigh of relief and thankfulness as I look around and notice what that change did in me, in mine and Carl’s relationship, and in my life.


We wouldn’t be here without it — none of this would have happened without the change that shattered all of our plans. And while being “in it” was not easy, I’m so glad for where it brought us.


Thank you so much for your patience and grace for me as I took a month off from writing. I'm so happy to be back. 


Resources related to this post:


Girls Night #101: How to Navigate Big Life Transitions with Faith


Girls Night #15: How to Navigate Life Change & Transitions


What To Do When Your Whole Life Changes (blog post)



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Are you currently living through a big change or transition? Read this post for my best advice when your life is in limbo!

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  1. jenna says:

    This was exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you.

  2. Melissa Mills Blakey says:

    Stephanie! This is exactly what I’ve been going through for the past 9 months. After quitting my job (at CM), leaving my church, friends, and the city I’d lived in for so long, I found myself in it. I got married, got two new jobs, looked for a new church, and started to slowly make friends. Your blog, as usual, was inspiring. I haven’t been able to write about any of this very much. The first four months of married life was such a shock and since then I’ve been trying to keep up with work. Your reminding me of how healing it is to write about the changes. Thanks so much! It’s good to have you back. I love your wedding pictures. You look so happy! Yay for you and Carl! 🙂

  3. This was wonderful, Steph. It’s been inspiring to watch how you handled this change. I’m so glad you’re back. 🙂

  4. Emily Adkisson says:

    Welcome back!!!

  5. Nicole says:

    This is so great. I’m “in it” right now, too, and it’s been difficult to see past it all. Thanks for the reminder. Also, it’s great to have you back 🙂

  6. Laura says:

    This was what I needed to read today! Your posts always seem to be at just the right time for where I am (which right now is waiting for exam results to find out which university I go to in September) It’s a scary place to be, in six weeks time I’ll be living somewhere else but I don’t know where yet. I’m just trying to be present and not go into a stationary buying, cook book studying bubble.
    I’m so happy you’re back, but glad you took time to change too! The wedding looked so adorable!
    Hugs from England xx

  7. I’m so glad you’re back Steph! Love this post.

  8. Joelle says:

    What do you do when you will always be in the middle of it. When it will not get better because it can’t…my baby son was just diagnosed with a genetic disorder making him physically and mentally disabled. For life. Therapy visits every day and multiple doctors visits a week. We’ve tried to focus on the positive but each week or month brings a new discovery of another prrmanent physical difficulty. You can’t focus on getting through it because it’s for life.

    • Stephanie May Wilson says:

      Joelle, I’m so sorry to hear about your son. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now. I think the lessons still apply though. You could try to just avoid the pain and hardship of it all, but your son needs you to be present in it. Also – going through this is going to produce growth and beauty in you and your family that is unimaginable to you right now. But it’s true, and it is coming, if you choose to bravely walk through this – as I know you already have. Also – allow people to come alongside you in this. Let your family and your friends in. This is not something your family has to do without the emotional support of the people who love you. This is a life-long “in it,” but it doesn’t mean there won’t be times of relief, joy, and great beauty. Again, I’m so so sorry for what your family is going through. I’m praying right now for the beauty and love and joy I know God is capable of bringing in times that seem the darkest.

  9. I could not be more thrilled for you to be back, dear friend. God is kind and faithful when we are petty and fickle. It was a wonderful reminder of that today. I feel overjoyed at where you are right now in your new job and the starting line of marriage. What a fun place! I am behind you and rooting you on virtually!

  10. Kourtney says:

    Thank you so much for this!! I feel like we are the same person living the same life!! I am going through everything you are going through right now just one step behind! I hope my story ends like yours. Even though Memphis isn’t Nashville moving to a new area and starting over in something completely different is crazy, getting married is crazy, but trusting that God will make everything work is awesome!

  11. Alisha says:

    Thank you. I so needed this.

  12. […] do I love this post? Let me count the ways. Oh, and this one […]

  13. […] of life in transition, this post by Stephanie May Wilson on How to Survive When Your Life is in Limbo was exactly what I needed to keep me focused during these life […]

  14. Heather Meade says:

    Just what I needed after coming home from a year of missions. So glad you’re back! Thanks for your honesty and saying what I have no idea how to put into words. (:

  15. Amy says:

    Welcome back! I love your fresh perspective and I simply adore you. Congratulations on all the exciting new things in your life. You deserve all the best!

  16. I’m in a different stage of life to you, but I can totally identify with the whole “life in limbo” thing – in fact I posted on my blog about just this past week: http://www.middleagedmama.com.au/when-life-is-in-limbo/

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