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How To Make Your Online Life Meaningful (I Was Doing It Wrong)

A few years ago I attended the Influence Conference. Here are my three main takeaways to making your online life meaningful!
I'm Stephanie May Wilson!

I'm an author and podcaster and my specialty is helping women navigate big decisions, life transitions — creating lives they love.

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I went to the Influence Conference this weekend having no idea what to expect: maybe they’d give us some tips, or tricks, and we’d probably mingle some. I really wasn’t sure.


The last thing I expected to happen at the conference was for God to totally reroute me, like the loving voice of Siri, gently showing me I've veered off course and helping me get back on the right track.


The ideas and inspiration I gained at the conference will keep me busy for a decade, but there were three main takeaways I went home with. Maybe they'll help you too.

1. Build His kingdom, not yours

Jess Connolly with her dimples and sassy red lipstick brought down the house on Saturday morning. We were laughing, we were crying, sometimes we were doing both at the same time. By the end you felt like you'd been given the pep talk of a lifetime, and a loving pat on the butt… or at least that’s how I felt.


“God hates your kingdom,” she told us, “but He loves His kingdom.” Her words brought clarity to something I’ve been feeling for a while now: Cold hard conviction.


I've been working by butt off recently—writing until I run out of words and making bigger and bolder plans than ever. But something's been wrong, off, nagging me in the pit of my stomach.


I've been building my kingdom, not Gods. Everything I've been doing has been about me, if I’m being honest, with His name slapped on the front for good measure.


I've known for a while I've been doing this—Jess just helped put words to it.


It’s sad, but it’s true, and I think a lot of us are guilty of this. God gives us gifts, talents, ideas and we run after them, at first doing it for Him. But the further we get down that road, the easier it is for it to start to become about us: Our fame, our glory, our success.


My first instinct was to quit it all. God, I've made Instagram all about me, I wanted to thrash dramatically. Here! Have it back! Promptly deleting the app from my phone (but not deleting my account in case… you know… He lets me have it back.)


But Jess stopped my thoughts in their track: God gave you this for a reason, knowing full well you'd make it about you. He doesn't want it back; He just wants it to be about Him instead.

2. Keep your eyes on your own paper


Lately, I've spent lots of time on my Instagram and Pinterest, searching for ideas and making plans. I've been calling it “creative research,” and I maintain it has been, even though from the outside it just looks like I'm looking at pretty things.


But something has happened as I've been doing my “research” and keeping up with everyone else's new ventures: I've become seriously discouraged.


“Research” has begun looking oddly similar to “comparison,” with a dash of hopelessly on the side as it feels like every good idea is already taken.


But God rerouted that too this weekend, admonishing me like a teacher: “Stephanie, keep your eyes on your own paper!”


I’ve spent so much time looking at everyone else's creations, I'm too busy comparing and feeling discouraged to create anything myself.


And so instead of looking at what other people are doing, I want to redirect my gaze, looking out the window and at the world around me. I want to dream my own dreams, and then, on my own paper, I want to create the things God made me specifically to create.

3. Stop focusing on who's following you, and go somewhere worth following


The tough thing about creativity is that it’s hard to measure. It’s hard to measure the beauty in a photo the way you can count calories burned, or miles run, or money earned.


It’s hard to know if you’re doing a good job, if you’re getting better or worse. Words don’t have values attached to them. It’s not like high school. Blog posts don’t earn grades.


No, creative life is largely immeasurable, which is why it’s so intoxicating that now we’ve been given some numbers to watch.


If you’re a blogger, or an Instagrammer, or are involved in any kind of social media, you know the thrill you get when you see your numbers go up. One more follower, one more Like, 10 more views. It puts a deliciously tangible reward to something that’s previously lacked that kind of measurable encouragement.


And this is, for the most part, a good thing.


It’s good to have a way of monitoring your growth, seeing what things are working, and what you should do more of.


But the problem comes when your following becomes your focus, which is what’s been happening in my life recently.


Instead of capturing life with my iPhone, I’ve been capturing things I hope will earn more followers (which is really embarrassing to admit). Instead of writing meaningful words that inspire me to live better and more fully, I’ve been worrying whether or not my readers will like it—watching stats climb like watching the grass grow, refreshing the page every few minutes for an update.


I’m embarrassed to say how long I’ve been off-roading in the wrong direction, and this weekend God instructed me to make a hard left in this area of my life.


And so with my tail between my legs, but the inspiration of knowing I can do better, I’ve vowed to stay away from watching my stats. I’ll still check them every once in awhile, but before I reach for my phone, or go to refresh the page, I’m asking myself this: Are you watching who’s following you? Or are you living a life worth following?


And I promptly put my phone back down and open a book instead.


I came out of this weekend invigorated. I feel empowered deep in my bones, the whisper of God urging me forward, “I’ve made you for something great Stephanie, you can do this,” and promising to keep rerouting me each time I get off course.


I don’t know what that’s going to look like exactly, but I'm going to blaze some new trails and see what I find. It's not going to be perfect, but I think it'll be fun. I'd love to have you along for the ride.


I was so impressed by the Influence Network this weekend. They're a group of stellar women helping us make our online lives mean something. I hope you'll check them out. 


P.S. If you need more advice in this area, check out these blog posts and podcast episodes:


Instagram, Rejection, and Getting Rejected by Instagram


Girls Night #24: How to Protect Your Heart From Social Media Comparison


Girls Night #89: How to Embrace your Strength as a Woman (at Work and at Home)



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A few years ago I attended the Influence Conference. Here are my three main takeaways to making your online life meaningful!

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  1. Chantell says:

    I love this Steph- so proud of you!

  2. Rene Mycorn says:

    Really spoke to me. Thanks Stephanie!

  3. Kelly says:

    Hi Stephanie–thank you so much for sharing this!! This is what I loved so much about the weekend–meeting and coming across so many amazing women truly willing to be vulnerable and raw and open. I’ve been feeling many of the same convictions myself, especially playing the comparison game and making life about me. Thank you for your honesty 🙂

  4. Fawn says:

    I love this post! So much amazing information. My favorite was #3. The confrence sounds amazing!

  5. Kacie says:

    STEPH!! You sound just like a roommate I once had who would spend hours on the couch with her giant bible on a coffee table we found next to a dumpster and her laptop in her lap, biting her lip, praying, wiping away tears, and reading sections aloud to herself just to hear it and know if she was writing words that communicated what she was hearing from the Lord…oh wait, that’s you. You sound just like you 🙂 I love it. I’m a fan of you!

  6. bonita rose says:

    I’ m joining the network and hope to be there next year!!!!!! Loved all you shared.. comparison robs us of so many good things for the Lord. xo

  7. Good words. It really is difficult to stay on course, following God’s plan and not creating our own Kingdom. I’ve had a hard time doing that recently and it’s something the Lord has spoken to me about. Thanks for the affirmation.

  8. Danielle says:

    I wasn’t at the influence conference but this post just slapped me in the face. Thank you, I needed that 🙂

  9. Julia says:

    Hey Stephanie, I’ve been reading your blog for over a year and I’m always encouraged. I’m wondering if you can expand on “God hates your kingdom”? And “God loves His kingdom?” I agree that it makes sense for him to hate any thing that’s counter productive to actually giving us life- selfishness, comparison, etc. is that what you mean by “our kingdom?” Is something that brings us joy or makes us happy just because it does, exclusive to “Gods Kingdom?” Do we have to stamp His name on something to make it his or is it just His because it’s good?

    • Stephanie May Wilson says:

      Hi Julia! That’s such a good question, and that’s something I wrestled with too. To me, it means that when God has gifted us in a way—given us talents, interests, passions, wanting us to use them to build up His kingdom, sometimes we take them and make them all about us instead of Him. To me, it’s less in WHAT we actually do and more about WHY we do it. I didn’t take it as a call to abandon anything that doesn’t have His name slapped on it. But more of a reminder to check our motives and whether we’re working for His glory, or for our own. I see God in so many things that don’t have His name on it, because every good and perfect gift comes directly from Him. I don’t think it means you can never Instagram anything but scripture from now until Kingdom come. (If that’s the rule, I’m in trouble!) But more that we need to check ourselves to make sure we’re giving Him glory instead of taking it all for ourselves. (Which is always our tendency, or at least it’s my tendency). I hope that helps!

  10. This is an excellent post and totally speaks to my struggle lately. I so wish I could have gone to the conference! Thank you for sharing what you learned and for being honest. Even the parts you thought were “embarrassing to admit” were the parts I exactly related too. I can’t wait to read more about what you learned and use it to challenge myself as a writer and a creative person online!

    Keep in touch,
    Lottie

  11. christy says:

    I love this Steph. It truly is all about putting God in display! Amen!

  12. Danielle says:

    Hello! Stopping by from the Influence blog! I wasn’t able to attend this year, but help with Influence network groups. I can honestly say, I have been there, feeling and thinking all of the things you have written down. God has really reshaped my view of “life” online, and is helping me work out the balance of being intentional while not pursuing my own glory! That is a hard line to walk, but you are so on the right track! So glad you were able to be encouraged this weekend!

  13. amy cornwell says:

    I love this post so much…especially points 2/3 (probably because I was there and already heard #1). Such words of wisdom. I’m going to have to write these points down to remind myself. Thanks for sharing!

  14. Jenloveskev says:

    This was a fantastic post!! One that we all can relate too. I had so many of the same takeaways from this weekend. God is so good. What a great weekend. It was so nice to meet you!

  15. Jessika says:

    i am guilty of “researching” too. Hard. Til I’m giving myself a headache. Is this the true life in chasing after? Thanks for helping me realize my online worth! xo

  16. Wow! The Influence Conference sounds fantastic. That’s definitely something I want to look into for the future. It’s awesome to hear how God spoke to you during the conference!

  17. Sybil Brun says:

    Yes & Amen! This completely echoes how I felt too! So glad I found this from Influence as well 🙂

  18. Jessica says:

    I’ve never been to your site before, and I randomly clicked on your recap via the Influence Net blog post. Having JUST checked all my blog stats, Instagram followers, and trying to brainstorm content that will make those numbers climb, your post was EXACTLY what I needed. I’ve been wondering what I can post to make me look like someone people will want to follow, when really I just want to post things that will point people toward following Jesus with all their hearts. Thanks for this.

  19. Robin says:

    Good stuff Stephanie. As always! Thank you for allowing your written words to be the honest reflection of your heart. You are reaching the Kingdom in greater ways than you can imagine simply by allowing the truth of the Gospel to be the cornerstone of your life. Keep it up. It’s contagious:)

  20. Katie says:

    Thanks for writing this, Stephanie!

    I’ve never been to the Influence Conference before but always love reading people’s recaps and yours was so helpful. Especially #3… “No, creative life is largely immeasurable, which is why it’s so intoxicating that now we’ve been given some numbers to watch.” I think you’re so right and it’s helpful to focus on the WHY I care before I just try to change a bunch of things.

    Also- I just saw that you live in Nashville? Me too 🙂
    xo,
    Katie

  21. Erica Baker says:

    Such a good reminder of what we learned this weekend! Thank you for being honest. I think we can all relate.

  22. Grey says:

    The concepts in this article can be applied to many areas of life where God may convict us of pride or self-centeredness. I can relate and appreciate the insight; thank you for sharing Stephanie.

  23. […] May Wilson’s How to Make Your Online Life Meaningful (I Was Doing It Wrong) at The Lipstick […]

  24. This is so wonderful!! It’s truth that we don’t want to hear, but sometimes we need those words to remind us of our purpose for everything! It’s not about us, it’s solely about Him. And it’s so tempting to make it about us, to allow the attention to bring us admiration and glory, when really He wants the glory. He deserves the glory!! Thanks for sharing this. I wanted to go to the influence conference, it looked like it was amazing! God bless

  25. karla says:

    Thank you for writing this! It absolutely articulates my struggles and concerns with social media. It is so easy to build our own kingdoms with Jesus slapped across the front as you say. “Stop focusing on who’s following you, and go somewhere worth following.” — wonderful!

  26. Danielle says:

    This has seriously been so helpful to me to read over and realize why I do what I do, for His glory. Beautiful!

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