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The Battle of Instagram Comparison, and How I’m Learning to Win

Have you fallen into the Instagram comparison trap lately? Here's how I started having little wins in my battle with comparison.
I'm Stephanie May Wilson!

I'm an author and podcaster and my specialty is helping women navigate big decisions, life transitions ā€” creating lives they love.

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I spent a lot of this weekend doing something I know is wrongā€”something I know I hate, something I know makes me feel small every single stinking time.


I spent this weekend scrolling through my Instagram, hitting refresh again and again, trolling other peopleā€™s profiles, and wondering why the heck so many more people follow them than follow me.


This is so humbling to admitā€”so disgusting actually. Iā€™d much rather pretend Iā€™m above this kind of behaviorā€“that I never succumb to the temptation to compare.


But I do, and I did, and I spent the majority of the weekend feeling small as a resultā€”all of the things I donā€™t have at the front of my mind, center stage.


Have you ever found yourself doing this? I bet you have.


Itā€™s easy to compare our lives on Instagram. A big part of it is that itā€™s all about the numbers. Just like our weight or our pant size, thereā€™s this number at the top of each of our pages, and hearts on our photos that say how many people like us, how many people care what is going on in our lives, how many people want to see what we have to share.


Sometimes this number sits there peacefully, allowing us to be us, and not taunting us with the fact that we should be more.


But other times, it begins to whineā€”softly at first, but louder the more we listen to it. The number seems to get smaller and more pathetic under our gaze, and the more we glance over at other peopleā€™s profiles to see how many people follow them.


The longer we look at the number, the smaller we feel too, the more significant that small number feels and the more insignificant all of our other dazzling attributes become. So what if Iā€™m a good friend, or a good writer, or a good wife? SheĀ has more Instagram followers, nothing else matters.


Itā€™s ridiculous, but if weā€™re honest, I think most of us have felt this wayā€”our worth and our likability dictated to us by tiny numbers on our touch-screen.


Iā€™m mad that I let myself feel this wayā€”that I let my mind get small and narrow and compare-y like that. Iā€™m mad I spent my whole weekend feeling so small, that all of my accomplishments, relationships, and who I am as a person faded into the background because of an insignificant little number and how it measured up to the number of other women I admire.


I want to tell you that I got over it, or that I found some sort of magic Jesus cure that made me feel better once and for all, but Iā€™d be lying. I found a way to feel better, a wayĀ to win the battle, but I know comparison is a war weā€™ll wage as long as there are people who are better than us at thingsā€”or in other words, forever.


So instead of ignoring it, or feeling defeated under the weight of the war comparison wages against us, I started taking little stabs at that pesky comparison, winning over a bit of ground at a time for the good guys.


I started reminding myself why Iā€™m special, what I have, and who I have in my life.


I started thanking God for the people I love, and reminding myself of how much they mean to me and I know I mean to them. I started reminding myself of what Iā€™m good at, and thanking God for how Heā€™s blessed me and skilled me. I started reminding myself that Iā€™m still growingā€”that Iā€™m in process, not finished, not the final product.


And slowly but surely, the number at the top of my profile started to fade into the background of my life again, back to where it belongs. Iā€™m sure itā€™ll pop out again when Iā€™m feeling small, or in the middle of the night when I canā€™t sleep. But Iā€™ll do the same thing I did this last time. Iā€™ll take the truth of who I am, and why I matter, and stab at comparison until he goes awayā€”exposed as the little jerk that he is.


Comparison may always try to sneak into our minds and our lives, but we donā€™t have to let him win.


P.S. I have two podcast episodes all about protecting yourself from comparison. I'll link them for you below!


Girls Night #24: How to Protect Your Heart From Social Media Comparison


Girls Night #5: How to Keep Comparison from Stealing Your Joy


P.P.S. Here's another blog post all about how to overcome comparison.


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Have you fallen into the Instagram comparison trap lately? Here's how I started having little wins in my battle with comparison.

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  1. Lexie Dache says:

    Hey Steph, Loved this. Yes I get like that. Thank you šŸ™‚

  2. Cheryl Kozachenko says:

    I love this. I can’t tel you how many times the comparisons take over for me. The perfect outfits, the fun adventures, the healthy eating and the fitness. It seems like everyone else is enjoying life better than I am on instagram. But then I think, wait a minute, this shouldn’t bring me down, this should lift me up! I love that you are doing the #loveliestthings365 because those posts make me pause and think about something wonderful in my life. I may never be good at instagram (I just don’t really think about taking pictures that much) but it can be a good thing as well!

    • Stephanie May Wilson says:

      It’s to tough. I’m so glad you’re doing the #loveliestthings365 with me too! It’s been so helpful to me, at least, to help me see the good and use social media to capture that, instead of as a tool for comparison.

  3. Lauren says:

    Thank you thank you thank you for being so open, honest, and real.

  4. I have a tendency to do this with Facebook. When I see all of my friends getting engaged, married, and starting families it just can take over my brain and make me question “am I doing something wrong”?? Horrible right, but it is the same with all social media and you are so right about the #’s. If it’s not our stats, it is our weight, or are pant sizes, etc. I haven’t felt this way in a while though, because I am happier and more at ease these first two weeks of 2015. Hopefully it will continue! XOXO

  5. Kate says:

    Thank you for this post! I’ve been struggling with this a lot, and it’s good to know I’m not alone! Also great to hear your Christ-centered readjustment tips!
    This Side of Paradise

  6. Rachel says:

    Hi Steph! I really admire your honesty and bravery in admitting this. I’m reminded how we just have to be grateful. Comparison has always been a struggle and indeed a way to counter this is to start looking at what we have – the blessings that our Almighty Father has provided us. Thank you so much for sharing your life and most of all sharing Jesus. You don’t know how blessed I am by your ministry/this blog.

    I followed you on Instagram the other day btw. lol. <3 God bless you more!

    • Stephanie May Wilson says:

      Thank you so much Rachel! Thank you for reading, and for taking the time to leave me a comment. It means so much to me!

  7. Melissa says:

    I think we have all fallen into that trap! Loved your honesty in this post. šŸ™‚

  8. Hayley G says:

    This was beautiful and so honest, Stephanie! Thank you. I love posts like this that are so relatable and make you feel OK about being human. I love your advice on how to win these battles when they come along! I will absolutely be taking that advice.

  9. Alicia says:

    This is so spot on, and I don’t know how else to say it…besides, SPOT ON. I am guilty of the exact same thing…and comparison is such a mood + creativity + happiness killer. This was such an honest + inspirational read, and my heart feels renewed because of your words. xo

  10. Charlie H. says:

    Hey! I just found this post from your link on Firework People! Can I just say how amazing you are? I love this post and struggle with this so much! Also, I did some major stalking about your wedding pictures are beautiful. Andddd I used to live in Nashville and am super jealous thats where you get to call home, now! Shoot me a tweet or something, cause I think we should be friends! @charliejaymes

  11. Just discovered this via the Firework People linkup. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on something so many people in this industry are surely feeling! Great post.

  12. Crystal says:

    This is a wonderful post. I struggle with perfectionism in all aspects of my life, and I believe it kills my creativity.

  13. Patty says:

    LOVE this Stephanie!!! I think we all do this if we’re honest with ourselves. For me I love social media but when I start comparing myself I know its become an obsession and a race to be the best. One of the things I am wanting to do in 2015 is be more intentional with social media, to make my on-line life about purpose, not likes and more follows.

  14. Molly says:

    Yup, I’m definitely guilty of doing this wayyyy too often. It’s kind of silly and it’s easy to get burnout this way because I’m always trying to find something to post like “I have to” post something that day and it’s no longer about sharing what I love, so it’s something I’m trying to work on.

  15. I love how genuine and authentic you are!! thank you for keeping it real and for talking about something that we all deal with. continue to write and share! šŸ™‚

  16. […] Iā€™m not the only one who does it. I talk about this fairly openly with friends, and my friend Steph wrote about it once. Iā€™m sure many people […]

  17. Yvonne says:

    Thank you for being so real about this! I think we all bump into this sometimes and a lot of women don’t want to talk about this. It doesn’t happen to me as much as it used to, and when it does it’s mild and I can usually move on from it pretty quickly. I think it’s a combo of two things – being in my 30’s, or almost mid-30’s… somehow for me the urge to compare receded a little, or just became easier to ignore, and I also developed a little trick – I remind myself that it’s just my ego. That feeling of being small because others have more, or are where you want to be, that’s your ego reacting, not your soul. And the ego loves indulging itself in feeling small or thinking it’s the best. And really, we don’t want to live from our egos anyway. We want to live from our souls with God. So that helps me, when I feel that comparing energy coming on, I just step outside of myself and I watch my ego doing it’s thing. My soul is always stronger.

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