As 2012 was drawing to a close, it became very apparent to me that I have some seroius perfectionistic issues to work out. I found myself exhausted and at the end of my rope, desperately needing to be taken off the hook from some of the things that I was expecting of myself.
The ‘to don’t‘ list has been incredible. It’s been so freeing being able to look at my oven and cast pressure aside as I remind myself- I’m not becoming Martha Stewart in this season of life. It’s been so nice to have a place to put those pesky pressures, the ones that demand perfection in every single area of my life.
I’m definitely not off the hook yet- realizing that this is a much deeper thing than I had originally understood. But I’m taking steps in the right direction.
The flip side of all of that is that I really wanted to begin this year with a solid understanding of what IS important to me.
I know that my apartment isn’t HGTV perfection, and that’s ok. It’s ok because there are other things, more important things for me to be thinking about and spending my time on these days. But I needed to figure out what those things were.
I was flying back to Georgia, after an absolutely wonderful 10 days at home in Denver, when I finally had a few quiet moments to think…
What is important to me? What do I want this next season to be about?
And the answer came in literally a moment.
The best part is that they fit neatly into 5 categories. (Don’t you love that!?) And I couldn’t wait to share them with you.
Here they are (in no particular order):
My relationships mean everything to me. My friends, my family, my boyfriend, they’re people that I would drop literally anything for and they’re one of my main priorities for 2013 and always.
2. Pray (No… the third one isn’t going to be ‘eat’…)
My relationship with The Lord is the most important of all. Without him I am nothing, and with Him I can’t do anything. It’s hard to keep him at the center of your life when there are so many things pulling at your focus. I want to intentionally dive in with him deeper in 2013- learning about Him, loving Him, and working towards the beauty and fulfillment of His kingdom.
This year I want to continue to dig into becoming the woman god has made me to be… and doing it in a way that is graceful and loving- not perfectionistic or demanding.
It is my life’s passion and calling to create. Our God is nothing if not a creator and we reflect His image when we create too. I want to dive in further to my gifts and passion and career- growing and learning and getting better at my crafts- creating beautiful things for this wild and wonderful world.
Our world is scary. There are fiscal cliffs and shootings. You can’t turn on the news without being inundated by reasons that you should be afraid, locking yourself away, hiding out until its over. But I don’t want to live that way. I want to live a life full of joy, of wild delights and the kind of laughter that makes your stomach hurt. I believe that celebration is the best way for us to say thank you to the God who lavishes us intimately with love and gifts and beauty.
Life seems scary as we walk into 2013. I sat at my kitchen table this evening making a budget- looking with total dismay at my paycheck and realizing just how far it doesn’t go. People are hungry and lonely and in desperate need of something good. I’m hungry in certain ways, deeply lonely at times and really in need of something good. And so that’s what I’m committing 2013 to.
I’m committing this year to prayer and to loving and to becoming who God has made me to be. I’m comitting this year to being gentle with myself and patient. I’m committing my life and my time and my talents to the creation of beautiful things- vowing to work hard to fill the world with just a bit more beautiful hope. And I’m promising to celebrate. It’s hard sometimes and in the wake of tragedy and disaster, and with scary responsibilities nipping at your heels, it almost feels trivial, irresponsible. But it’s not. There’s nothing more important.
And so those are my priorities, my commitments for the year 2013.
And I’m committing to share those things here. I learn and grow and process so much through my writing, and I’m ridiculuosly blessed to have people walking this journey, reading my heart and growing with me.
I’m committing to walk towards these five things and to be honest and truthful in my documentation of the victories and utter failures along the way. It’s not going to be perfect, but what I’m realizing is that it’s not supposed to be.
And you’re invited. Grab a rich cup of coffee and lets process. Lets be real and tell the truth about our lives. Lets allow our days to be an echo of ‘me too’ as we meet each other where we are, messy and in process and full of hope- doing our best and letting that be enough.
What are you committing to this 2013? What is your year going to be about?