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Does God want me to be single forever? Be sure to read this blog post for my thoughts on singleness and what God says about marriage!

Does God want me to be single forever?

Faith

Does God want me to be single forever? Be sure to read this blog post for my thoughts on singleness and what God says about marriage!

A quick note: I wrote this post back in 2012, and I'm so excited to share it with you. When I wrote this post I wasn't dating, or married, and I had no idea how my story would end, and that's why I love it so much. Today I'm married (didn't want to confuse you), but I still stand behind this post completely. I hope it's as encouraging for you today as it always has been for me!

 

SINGLENESS & MARRIAGE

I'm not an awesome gift-giver. I'm great at words of affirmation, I'll give you a really good hug, I'll sing you a song, maybe make up a dance just for you- but I just am not awesome with gifts.

I am NOT, however, as bad as that crazy aunt we all have that gives us the weirdest gifts- every time. Those aunts love giving me jewelry- the jewelry always looking like it was picked up in one of those Wild West themed gift shops. And every time I have to look at them, feigning delight, genuinely appreciative of the heart behind the gift, but secretly wondering when I can regift (or better yet- return) it.

What if you opened a box this Christmas and inside was the ‘gift of singleness?'

We call it that, in our Christian circles, don't we? A gift?

But what would you do if ‘singleness' was waiting underneath your tree this year?

Accept it?

Feign delight?

Try to regift it?

That would be my reaction…

***

Granted, with some exceptions, I think that most of us spend a lot of time wondering about our future spouses.

We look around thinking “is it you?” “Is it YOU?” – And I think that a large part of that time is spent worrying that some Christmas we're going to open a box and receive that gift.

“Singleness. Cannot Be Returned.”

This is not a new conversation for God and I- in fact, it's something that we talk about often.

I start off my prayers with my real request- telling God that I really would love to be married some day, maybe throwing in a specific request here or there (“God, can he be funny, and at least one inch taller than me?”)

But then, feeling guilty for my specific request (and I'm afraid, lack of trust) I throw in a well-intentioned, but definitely half-hearted “your will be done…”

And then I sit there, my mind wandering, chewing on the phrase I just threw out without considering the potential consequences.

What if His will is for me to be single forever?! What if I'm going to receive the ‘gift' of singleness?

And then, with my insides panicking, I try to take a deep breath and tell God that I understand that I don't have a right to get married, that He doesn't have to give me a husband and that my love for Him will not change.

But on the inside I'm begging- please don't let that be my story.

Now- let's stop for a second and talk about what's true.

1. Getting married is absolutely not a right of ours. It's not something that's guaranteed. There are many absolutely fantastically lovable, incredible people who never get married, and I don't know why that is.

2. We each live different stories, and I think that there are some stories that God has written without another person in them. And He's so good that that has to be a good thing- even when we can't see it.

But, that being said, I would honestly be incredibly, incredibly disappointed if I never got married. Receiving the ‘gift of singleness' is a legitimate fear of mine, and I would guess that I'm not alone.

So without knowing how your story- or even my story- is going to end up, here's another truth that I just realized, that I want to share with you- something that's comforted me immensely.

God loves marriage. He actually invented it.

Genesis 2 is super clear about that.

God created the heavens and the earth and all of the animals and living creatures, and then He created man. He said that all of it was good, and then He looked over at Adam and saw a flaw.

The only thing in all of creation that wasn't good- was for man to be alone.

So God created woman and said that “for this reason, a man should leave his father and mother and be united with his wife.”

God created us to live life in partnerships with each other- and that was His solution to man's solitude.

The thing that baffles me about this is that all of this happened before the fall.

I have always chalked up my desire for marriage, my longing for a buddy to go through life with- to the fall. Maybe not directly, but I always sort of felt like that that desire would go away if I was really letting God love me and loving Him the way I was supposed to.

But that's just not the case.

God and Adam were walking around in the garden together- walking and talking and living together- and it must have been a pretty sweet garden considering God, Himself lived in it.

But STILL God said that it wasn't good for man to be alone. God didn't design us to need only Him as a companion. He designed us to need each other.

And this is a truth that I am holding onto, a victorious grin on my face.

When we pray for a husband or a wife or when we feel lonely and are longing for someone- that's not a sinful desire. That's not a sign that we're not loving God right or that we're allowing other people to take his place in our lives.

Does that happen? Absolutely.

Is it easy for relationships, even just the idea of marriage to take the place of God in our lives? Yes. Easily. And placing anything on the same level of importance with God is going to disappoint us every time.

But the desire itself for a partnership, for a person to walk through life with, is absolutely from the Lord.

He designed us that way and so our desire for that lines up perfectly with His.

And here's why this is so important to me.

It's important because when I pray for my husband, when I pray and tell God how much I want to be married and how much I want that to be a part of my story- I can rest in the fact that I'm praying for something good- something that God, Himself, designed.

I'm not praying for something that is inherently going to take me away from the Lord, I'm not praying for something that is against God's will and I'm not breaking his heart in desiring something to go along with His presence in my life.

I'm praying for something that's good and right and holy and that He designed for me long before I got here.

***

Singleness happens- it absolutely does and it's beautiful and good and right whether for a season or for longer.

It's not easy and it's lonely, but I've heard that marriage is the same way- not easy and sometimes really lonely.

There are struggles and deep pain attached to both scenarios and both have the potential (and even the probability) of breaking our hearts more than once.

But here's what's true…

Regardless of how the story ends up- it's ok to want to be married- and it's ok to ask for it.

Marriage was a part of God's original design. So when we're praying for marriage, we're praying for something that existed in heaven from the beginning.

It's good and it's beautiful and it's something that's ok for us to want.

Ever wish you had more guidance and encouragement as you navigate being single and dating? If so, I have an online course I know you'll love. It's called, Make The Most Of Your Single Life — Transforming a season of waiting into a season of passion, purpose, and preparation.” Click the link to hear all about it! 

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Add a Comment
  1. Noe says:

    Good truth Sista. “I’m praying for something that’s good and right and holy and that He designed for me long before I got here.” And that’s a good quote!

  2. Talia says:

    Amen! I think we so often fall into the trap of feeling like we’re bad for wanting that – when really God’s a good father who delights in giving good gifts and is the one who put that desire there to begin with!

  3. Amanda says:

    this is amazing. Thank you, Steph 🙂

  4. nbagnara says:

    this is beautiful, i love articles or pieces that show a writer’s life lesson; what other reason is there to write? Anyway, this has been something I’ve been thinking about (have struggled with): what if I am destined to be alone? Are we though? There are billions upon billions of people on this earth. So many in fact that there are actually people like who act and think alike, and they even group up and come together in their similarities; It’s beautiful, and regardless of which god or gods or spirits or objects or even people you believe in this is a fact. Yes, of course it’s lonely looking across your bed each night into morning, and seeing only empty space, but it doesn’t have to be that way. The gift of singleness as you called it has given me the opportunity to learn that we are all connected and never have to be lonely, we have free will, and even if our stories are already written we’ve been given the power to heavily edit them.

  5. Tara says:

    I tweeted about this a few days ago! I so agree. I feel like you tend to find a lot of Christians who think either that marriage is of Satan (total lie) or that not looking for marriage at the moment is the dumbest choice a young woman can make (another lie). Both singleness and marriage have their purposes and both can be used for the glory of God. Good post, Stephanie! Thanks for addressing this! Bless you. <3

  6. Leelee says:

    What we have now is not forever. Singleness is a state we find ourselves in, for a while. One day we will, hopefully, all leave this for the next chapter of our lives. One day, we will get to Heaven and it will all make sense.

  7. Debi says:

    That was perfectly said…and my prayer for you and so many other young ladies I know.

  8. Laura says:

    Thank you for such an encouraging post on singleness and marriage!

  9. Jessica Robbins says:

    Love this, Steph! It’s so much of what I’ve been learning and feel passionate about. It’s not that’s I need it, but it’s that I want it. I think it’s so good and healthy when we come that place because that means our worth is not wrapped up in someone else’s approval or desire. I absolutely love how God doesn’t need a relationship with me, but He WANTS be in one with me. That makes it even more special to me. Marriage is God-ordained, good and a reflection of the Gospel and of the very character of God Almighty. Thanks for speaking some encouraging words of truth, shining that Light into the darkness. Love you!

  10. munatsi says:

    …” I’m praying for something good- something that God, Himself, designed”, I couldn’t have put it better myself. This piece touched my heart

  11. Melanie says:

    Reading this was like seeing my thoughts on paper. Thank you for reminding me of these truths! I very often feel guilty for praying for this or even avoid praying for it because I feel like it disappoints God. I’m saving this post to come back and read when I’m feeling like that!

  12. emdove says:

    So amazing!! Yes!

  13. Michelle says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this! Sometimes I feel guilty telling God how much I desire to find someone to spend my life with and love forever. I’ve even had friends tell me that I need to stop thinking about it. Thank you for pointing out that marriage is a GOOD desire to have. Not to be consumed with, but to desire it, is normal and I really needed to be reminded of that!

    • Love this I hope and pray for someone or a good person to share my life with according to his will and if it is good this is my hearts desire but want it with the right person.

  14. I love, love, love this! It’s something I’ve been exploring lately both in my personal life and on my blog. Thanks for sharing so many of the thoughts I’ve been mulling over.

  15. I love your blog!! It is just great. I found it after reading a Prodigal article this morning & it reflects so much of what I’m feeling lately. I always think that if I just loved God enough, the feeling would disappear. Yet, it never does. I’m going to add your blog to my Favorites list!! Love, Love. Have a Merry Christmas!

  16. […] I fully believe that God is faithful to provide and yet when I consider these words I am left reeling from all that I have witnessed in my young life and yet still I am confident in due time I will encounter the love of a good, godly man. Nevertheless my heart breaks for our generation as I watch opportunities slip through the hands of many because we are reaching out for unwholesome relationship. Yes, the focus is still Jesus, and yet I believe that relationship is still valuable and that it is God’s desire to see us married. I fully agree with this statement “But the desire itself for a partnership, for a person to walk through life with, is absolutely from the Lord.” by Stephanie May of Lipstick Gospel, see article ~ Does God Want Us To Be Single.  […]

  17. […] the Word of God does not enforce singleness as the only standard. I refer back to the article Does God Want Us To Be Single to impress upon the fact that marriage is on God’s heart too. Marriage or relationship is […]

  18. I was laughing to myself as I read this because it’s spot on! Thanks for sharing your story and blogging from the heart!

  19. Stephanie says:

    Thanks for reading Laura! 🙂

  20. Stephanie says:

    Love you Jess. Thank you for always being such a beautiful encouragement to me.

  21. Stephanie says:

    I’m so glad!! Thanks for reading!

  22. Stephanie says:

    You’re so sweet. I’m so glad! Thanks for reading Melanie!

  23. Stephanie says:

    It really is a good desire – you’re right… not one to consume us… but it is a good, normal, beautiful desire. Thanks Michelle!

  24. […] may mean you meet your husband tomorrow, and it may mean your story ends differently. But regardless of how the story unfolds, if we stick close to Him and keep saying yes, it’ll be […]

  25. The Truth says:

    well there are certainly many of us good men out there today that hate very much being single, and we are hoping to find a good woman to settle down with. i will very much admit, i hate very much to be alone today, especially when i see so many very blessed men and women that have met one another and have a family like many of us would have wanted too. loneliness really stinks for many of us men that really hate it, and i am sure many women hate it as well which they certainly can handle it a lot more better since they are the much stronger sex. the way that i feel, God shouldn’t have created many of us to be born if we weren’t meant to find love and happiness. a very big mistake on is part, especially after seeing our parents and grandparents that were very fortunate to have met one another to have a life together. my aunt and uncle just celebrated their 65th year together when they met in Junior High School, and it was really meant to be for them. i will always tell them how very blessed they are to have each other, and i wish that i had been born much sooner when i could had been as lucky as they were and most likely would had a family today myself. but now i will just go out and hope for the best, Peace.

  26. Shona says:

    I am lying here in bed in the dark, reading all these comments, and reading them with a heart so broken the pieces are now unidentifiable as being pieces of a heart. I feel God does not want me to know a man’s love. All I have ever known is the hatred, ire and rejection of a man. It doesn’t matter who I meet or what I do. I am nearly 40 and have never even really dated. It has just been one severely painful episode after another and now I find myself in a shockingly cold place. Can the heart and soul sustain frostbite? Mine are frostbitten. I’ve sustained such emotional and physical abuse that I realise this is something that automatically is guaranteed from the moment I say hello to any man. I am in a shocked and broken place, so a place so shocked and broken I believe God wants me here. Away from warmth, away from hope, away from love, away from blessings. It is a place so powerfully gripping, I feel only the Lord could have put me here. Even satan himself does not have this power. I am happy for the rest of you who still feel hope and Steph thank you for writing this. But some people, God wants alone and isolated forever. Why He wants me here, frostbitten and broken, I don’t know. I just know He wants me here forever.

    • Stephanie says:

      Shona, I’m so sorry you’re going through such a hard time. Thank you for opening up. I want you to know that I’m praying with you. All my love.

    • The Truth says:

      Hi Shona, i am in the same situation just like you since i am having a very difficult time meeting a good woman for me to settle down with. i would have never thought that it is so very hard today for many of us finding love, and it is very sad that we have to go through this. hopefully our Luck will change soon, and good Luck to you too.

      • Shona says:

        Hey Truth. Yes it is a very painful thing, though I am thankful for Steph’s article as it puts a lot in perspective. God is using Steph as a healing instrument through her gift of writing. And I must say God has a way of bringing comfort. Here I am – nothing has changed since my last post, I am still single. But I feel less LONELY, there is a differnece. I still hope and pray to meet a good man, I still have visions of cooking and baking for my family, helping the kids with homework, going out for a romantic evening with my husband, taking family trips. When I feel low, these visions almost seem to mock me. Then the hand of God alights upon my shoulder and although I am still single, the loneliness lifts. I honestly don’t know when things will change, when my heart won’t twinge with longing when I see lovers walking together. It hurts to the core. But I somehow God will give me a way to cope until things do change. And I tell myself, for Him to have me know such hurt and rejection, He surely has such joy in store for me. I won’t be able to truly assimilate the joy, if I have not known the pain. I pray for us both – for our prayers to be answered, but also for the grace to hold on during this season of seemingly endless waiting. Be blessed *hugs*

    • jey evi says:

      hey,

      how are you doing these days? just randomly came across your comments and wanted to tell you i’m praying for you.

      • Shona says:

        Hi there. Thank you so much, that’s a beautiful thing to know someone is praying for me. I feel blessed. Nothing has changed since I wrote that post, although oddly, all the men who have ever hurt me and walked off are contacting me one by one. One is from 22 years back, the man I was meant to marry. However because of my scarred and broken state, my complete terror of new pain, I cannot allow any of them back in. That said I believe there is it someone out there for me and although I turn 40 soon (3 weeks’ time), I remember the story of Sarah and how old she was before anything happened. The Word says nothing is too hard for the Lord so although very many people have written me off, I cling to the hope, however feeble, that my dreams will still come true. Sarah’s did and she was all of 90 🙂 Thank you so much and be blessed.

    • I don’t know if I’m supposed to be reading these posts or not, you see I’m a man. I really do appreciate being able to read your stories. My wife and I were married for 52 years when she died two and a half years ago. At first I was lost, sad and alone. My kids put me on a dating site but in the back of my mind I wondered if maybe God means for me to be forever single. I am still lonely but surely God wouldn’t deny me a new love to share my life with. I dated somewhat clumsily and never,so far, met anyone who seemed to be that soulmate. I have prayed that God would send me the one as dying alone somewhere down the road isn’t a pleasant prospect. Being single stinks, I began to think that I was making a woman, any woman an idol and that I was trying to manipulate God. Maybe I am. There are so many lonely people out there that it is amazing and maybe God is bringing a broken lonely woman my way even now. Pray for me.

  27. […] I fully believe that God is faithful to provide a husband and yet when I consider these words I am left reeling from all that I have witnessed in my young life. Yet, still I am confident that in due time I will encounter the love of a good, god-fearing  man. Despite this optimism, my heart breaks for our generation as I watch opportunities slip through the hands of many because we are reaching out for unwholesome relationship. Even though the focus is still Jesus, I believe that relationship is still valuable and that it is God’s desire to see us married. I fully agree with this statement ” the desire itself for a partnership, for a person to walk through life with, is absolutely from the Lord.” by Stephanie May of Lipstick Gospel, see article ~ Does God Want Us To Be Single.  […]

  28. Kathryn says:

    What I don’t understand is why are there some Christians imposing on other single Christians that God has called them to be single to serve him instead ? Why ? Is God bi polar on Marriage ? It’s not good for man to be alone . God never said it’s not ok for some of you .

    I’m still single at 38 and don’t understand that not only
    am I not married I have never been on a date

    My 13 and 11 year old nieces will date before me – that’s very troubling !!!!!

    This matters to me

    • Shona says:

      I know how you feel Kathryn. I turn 40 exactly one week from today, and was last in a relationship in 1996. I can’t make sense of it either – no less than I can make sense of my intense yearning to be married and having children – a yearning from where, if not from the Lord? Yet I am 40 in 7 days? All I can do is hold on to Sarah’s story and to the words ‘delay is not denial’. Sometimes though, circumstances scream the exact opposite at you. It is one thing for a 26-year-old woman to be wondering if she will find a mate – and quite another for a 40-year-old woman to have the same concern. I do however know one thing – at 26 when, by my own admission, I was very beautiful with the most incredible figure, I would have credited myself had I landed a wonderful man. At 40 I will only be crediting the Lord. So He will utterly be glorified when it happens.

      Love you all

  29. billy says:

    I know that these lonely years are some of tools that GOD uses for my refinement, but I’m almost 49 and I’m still crying out for a wife to hold. I know he knows how much despair I can endure, but this loneliness has laid waste of my life and desire to live. Please GOD, give me some sort of peace, even if it means death.

    • Stephanie May says:

      Billy, I don’t know what to say other than that I’m praying for you right now. I know that God is good and that he loves you and that he has wonderful, beautiful reasons for you to be on this earth—with or without a wife. I know that my community, and church, and family helped me immensely in times of loneliness. I pray that you reach out to the people around you to support you and help you through this.

    • Shona says:

      Billy I hope you find the faith to hold out longer, and to try and turn attention, however hard, from the ever-threatening element of time. I turned 40 just a few days ago…I should have been married a decade or longer by now and am still alone. There is so much I worry about, am I still attractive at 40, what about my ageing body’s capacity to have children….it takes immense strength not to give up in tears. It is all I can do not to throw in the towel yet I keep feeling God does not want me to. The only way my heart feels some peace is when I remember time belongs to God. That means it doesn’t matter if I am 40 and in your case, it doesn’t matter if you are 49. May God hear the cries of both our hearts, especially on a day the whole world celebrates love and romance…

    • The Truth says:

      God be with you Billy, and just remember that there are so many of us men that have the same problem too.

    • Rosanna says:

      Hi Billy

      At the beginning of this year I felt exactly the same way – I was out of work as well as wanting a man and seriously felt fed up enough to see dying as a better option than being without those two things.
      I said to God “please let me just die, if I don’t have a job or a boyfriend then what is the point of me being on this earth” and He replied “but you still have Me.” I was even suggesting ways that He could strike me down to put me out of my misery.

      Then I think it was that same week that I went to a christian women’s talk, and I arrived a bit late so was standing in the corner near the door. The worship had started and I remember the lyrics of this song, they were very simple and talking about Jesus giving His life for us, when I was suddenly struck by what it meant. So I just put my face to the wall and cried as I had been asking Him to let me die when in fact He had died for me!!

      I’m still without a partner after waiting for many years and I really don’t know if I’ll ever have one, but I just wanted to try and encourage you with this story. It’s so easy to let the desire be consuming enough that we’d rather go without life than to not have a spouse. But we were made for God!

  30. Sharon says:

    Im 49, been divorced 20yrs. He was abusive, and left me. Hes been remarried for 11yrs now, and here I sit. I pray, and I Try to be sweet and meet new man, but I am a man repellant. They ALL hate me, and I Just cry and sit with my beagle. Ive even been told that I must remain single. It is so very sad. The short 5yrs I spent with a man, and all I got were concussions, and name calling. Once he told me he wished I would get hurt an become a paraplegic so he could have sex with a new girl in front of me…heard this a zillion times. Left me feeling like a reject. My mom told me that no man would ever love me…guess she was right…

    • Stephanie May says:

      Sharon, I wish that there were some magic words that would fix everything. I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel wrapped up in love, and safe, and seen, and adored. I wish there was something I could say to erase the pain of the past and to bring about all of the fulfillment of your every dream. If I knew those words, I’d shout them from the rooftops, knowing that you’d be able to hear them wherever you are. But I will say this. I’m praying for comfort for you tonight. I’m praying that God is tangibly close, and that you know how much he loves you.

    • Shona says:

      Sharon you are not alone. I have also been told I will die alone and no man will ever feel anything for me. Words like that sit on you; they implant under your skin and no amount of washing seems able to scrape them off. If I never meet anyone who wants to be with me, I pray that God at least removes those words from my identity. As I go about my day, each day, strolling around tall and proud, I am in fact always in a bent-over state under the horrible weight of those words.

      Because I am physically attractive, if you ask me whether any man would want to be with me for carnal reasons, I can categorically state yes. But if you ask me right now whether I think any man will ever see me as special and worthy, my knee-jerk answer is no.

      You are not alone and from thousands of miles away in South Africa, know that I am praying for blessings and healing to surround you. You sound like a warm and loving person; if those you trusted your heart with could not recognise it and appreciate it, perfect strangers do.

      • TSharon says:

        Thank u Shona…I wish you and I could email. Most ppl do not understand this stuff. It really does weigh on you, and my moms words ring in my ears everyday, sadly.

  31. Kasey says:

    Thank you so much for this. I’ve been sitting alone tonight crying and feeling so alone. I turned 30 this year and was dumped the previous year by what I had thought was the love of my life. The thought that God made me this way to want a man to love gave me the small ray of hope to keep going and that maybe he doesn’t want me to be alone. God was really working through you when you wrote this.

    • Kasey says:

      So I don’t remember why my icon is an older gentleman in a hat… I think I was making a joke before or something? And now I cant’ remember what the site is that changes it… o_0

  32. Giovanna says:

    I’ve been struggling with this thoughts of become alone forever, like some women of my family, and now my feeling is that if this is what God have in mind for me i prefer to die. I could not live alone like this forever, i feel that God abandoned me and i can trust Him. I’ve been asking for a person since i was 12 years old and now i’m almost done. I’m 25 years old and I cannot have a real relationship with anyone. I feel broken. Sorry for my words, i know they are strong, but they are true.

    • Shona says:

      Three things which keep going through my mind are, what if God gave me enough chances to get it right and find a man, and I have used up my chances so to speak? What if, because of the wrong things I have done (alcoholism, etc) , I no longer deserve my heart’s greatest desire, a husband and home full of children? And thirdly, what if God in fact wants me alone for some reason? Just for some reason? Those three things lie down with me every night and awaken with me every morning. Because here I am, turning 41, and never heard a man say the words I love you.

    • Rosanna says:

      Hi Giovanna,

      Your comment jumped out at me when you said “my feeling is that if this is what God has in mind for me I prefer to die.”

      I’m the same age as you (26 now) and at the beginning of this year I felt exactly the same way – I was out of work as well as wanting a man and seriously felt fed up enough to see dying as a better option than being without those two things.
      I said to God “please let me just die, if I don’t have a job or a boyfriend then what is the point of me being on this earth” and He replied “but you still have Me.” I was even suggesting ways that He could strike me down to put me out of my misery.

      Then I think it was that same week that I went to a christian women’s talk, and I arrived a bit late so was standing in the corner near the door. The worship had started and I remember the lyrics of this song, they were very simple and talking about Jesus giving His life for us, when I was suddenly struck by what it meant. So I just put my face to the wall and cried as I had been asking Him to let me die when in fact He had died for me!!

      I’m still without a partner after waiting for many years and I really don’t know if I’ll ever have one, but I just wanted to try and encourage you with this story. It’s so easy to let the desire be consuming enough that we’d rather go without life than to not have a spouse. But we were made for God!

  33. […] this talk of marriage (in books, at my bible study, blogs, and from my friends) hasn’t been all bad. I’m learning a lot. I’m taking notes. I’m […]

  34. Rich says:

    To try to rely on that which you don’t have, and are not sure you will get, as a means of contentment, is no way to live. To believe finding someone will fix your broken heart is a way to idolatry. To not be able to find gratitude in where you are now, and count the good things, is a road to misery. And to keep holding out hope, as per Proverbs, and have the hope being delayed, will make the heart sick.

    Maybe you find someone you can serve Christ with, maybe you don’t. In the mean time, try to find things that help yourself, and you can bless others with and wait. Do it in the day, and master contentment.

    The issue isn’t whether X or Y is a gift, but finding you can do what you can with what you have, being faithful in the small things, so you can then get the larger things. Seeing the Kingdom in the small things is a start.

  35. Dan says:

    I realize that it is hard for many of the women here, but it is the same with men. I’m struggling with the same kind of loneliness, and I’m 42. I was nearly married at 19 – I called it off when I realized my fiancee didn’t trust me to make decisions for us like she should, and we couldn’t make it work. I was also very much in love at 22-23, but when I popped the question, my girlfriend said “no”, even though I know she loved me very much as well. I never got an answer to why she refused “us”; all I know is that she said I had done nothing wrong. To this day, that rejection, along with the string of failed short-term relationships and horrible dates, has left me feeling like I missed my chance (through, at least mostly, no fault of my own) way back in 1997. Now, almost half my life later, I’m starting to lose hope that I’ll ever get married, and that there is no one out there for me, even though I’ve always had a desire to have a family. I do not believe that desire to be of a selfish nature, and that is why I am so confused about why it has never come to pass, and why I’ve had so few opportunities to meet/date the kind of God-fearing woman I desire in the past few years. I know that there are those of us whom God has set aside not be married, but I do not believe myself to be one of them. I have spent less and less time with my friends and my family members in the last few years, because all of them (save one friend who is a few years younger than I and has never really had any interest in getting married), have wonderful God-fearing, loving spouses, and the knowledge of my loneliness compared to their situation makes it hard to be around them. Even those friends who made poor decisions on spouses early in life (as non-Christians) have moved past divorces and been blessed with wonderful second wives. It’s a rough situation to be in, and I will pray for those of you who have posted here who are still in a lonely situation (I hope all of you are married now). I wouldn’t wish this feeling of loneliness on my worst enemy.

    • Brookey80 says:

      It’s 2020 now, 5 years since your post, and since all these I’m reading~ and I just want to chime in here to say I totaly hear all you guys, you sound just like how I feel. …=/ I Guess it’s comforting?to know there are thismany others who are thinking and feeling as sad as me.. about this ..still present reality. of being alone in life. and I totaly agree +understand what Dan says that I picked to reply to- how, it like, hurts/aches =( to be around happy & healthy couples, even family. —and it’s not some underlying negative type of ‘jealous’ or something. We just want so much ~to get to be Loved, and Also! be IN /a-part-of a Happy, Healthy Loving couple, we too…
      =( What is going on?…

  36. Danielle says:

    I just wanted to say thank you. This post truly has been a comfort for me to read. Many times I have felt the need to rebuke myself for desiring a husband, thinking that if I really loved the Lord I would no longer feel that way. Thank you for the beautiful reminder that that desire is not displeasing to Him.

  37. Tabby says:

    Thank you for this! This was extremely well written and comforted my heart immensely. Thank you!

  38. Considering A God Made You On Purpose Wrapped Canvas

    […] ieves in the healing power of a warm cup of coffee and a place to let your guard […]

  39. Joyfullysingleandwaiting says:

    Hi there Steph.

    Very encouraging, inspiring and refreshing.
    These days I have a feeling that God wants me to be single and serve Him and I am wondering and researching if God really destined me to be single. But it gives me a lonely and sad feeling. I am quoting the verse from what Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Cor 7:8 “So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows–it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am.” As a background I am now 27 and never committed in any relationship as I believe in waiting for true love and God ordained man in my life. And so, this blog reassure me that God desires marriage for people who desires it.. It is not wrong to desire marriage too.. So now, at this age I wanted to believe that God is preparing me for another chapter of my life.. To meet this Godly man, my helpmate.. So, whatever status we are in right now.. whether, single, its complicated, mutual understanding, dating, waiting to be courted or married.. God wants us to develop an intimate relationship with Him, to love Him above all else. Kudos to the writer! Stay blessed Steph. 🙂

  40. […] may mean you meet your husband tomorrow, and it may mean your story ends differently. But regardless of how the story unfolds, if we stick close to Him and keep saying yes, it’ll be […]

  41. Brookey80 says:

    BY THE WAY! I commented here like 2weeks ago? and it’s been on my mind /meaning to add this part. ~to leave off on a more positive note =] And in appreciation to the girl who wrote this article. =]

    I was really feeling the sadness so much, in the moment, When (after reading this great article) then I went reading thru the (so many!) comments that sound like my experience too.=(

    But I’ve been meaning to come back to SAY =] Thanks for this article~* It REALLY IS Quality, full of understanding, sympathy, and then these nuggets of Helpfull Hope given in some new (and validating!) perspectives =] ~that I think.. Most of us had not thought of these things before!

    So, no matter how Sad we sound (because I think here, hearing others, this is like.. 1 place we are finally Able to speak up, and share our story About this. ..that has been our life. … And
    reading in these comments.. we’re finally able2 greive???? with others.

    But it IS a Well Said article~* =]

  42. Kayla says:

    Beautiful! thank you sister… for sharing something that helped you with us 🙂 <3 it's definitely helpful!

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