I suck at running.
I really wish I could tell you that I’m exaggerating, or that it’s not that bad, but it really is.
We used to run to start our dance team practices in high school, and I was always at the back, always huffing and puffing, always humiliated. I would dread it all day – every moment that I wasn’t running, I was dreading running.
I signed up to run the Color Run months ago, thinking that it would be just the thing to get me motivated.
And it did – about two months after we signed up.
I bought new sneakers, a membership to the gym, and avidly watched the Biggest Loser for inspiration. If they could do it, so could I. I was ready.
I worked my way up to about a mile and a half and couldn’t have been prouder. I never threw up (although I wanted to) and I kept going, consistently.
And two weeks later, I stopped.
I didn’t mean to – life just got busy – and much to my frustration, I haven’t figured out a way to be strong and busy all at the same time.
So the week of the Color Run showed up and I hadn’t run in at least a month.
Everyone told me I’d be fine and that the adrenaline and music and people would be enough to get me through.
I sure hoped so.
The day before the run I went to Chick-fil-a with Kacie and Carl (roommate and boyfriend) and between our meal and our milkshakes we began discussing the next day’s run.
We all agreed that we wanted to take it easy, but as Carl said something about ten minute miles, I almost burst into tears.
At my “peak” of running, I was averaging about a 13-minute mile and I knew that there was no way I could do ten.
I was instantly angry. I felt beaten by something that I’d tried over and over to conquer.
I want to be one of those running people– the kind that talk about their runners high and have the stupid marathon stickers on the backs of their cars.
I want to be the kind of person that can run without stopping – not the one who’s winded and angry in the back, wondering why I still suck after so long.
But still, I was decently optimistic.
There would be music, I thought, and adrenaline. There would be people everywhere and every reason to keep going. Plus – I never run with people and so I thought that the peer pressure in itself would be enough to keep me going.
As the gun went off I felt good – I was keeping pace and feeling optimistic. Maybe if I thought positively or prayed really hard I could run the whole thing. I began picturing my celebratory beer and how I would tell people that I never run but that something just changed that day. “That would be the first day on the way to my marathon”, I thought.
And then we rounded the corner to the 1st kilometer marker. My legs felt like lead and my lungs were burning. I could barely lift my arms and my brain stopped working right after the word “marathon.”
I wanted to keep going, I really did. I’m not a quitter or someone content with a C average. I’m a mind over matter girl, the kind of person that sets high goals and then insists on reaching them.
But as we ran through the orange station, drenched from all sides with orange powder, I started to slow down. And as we emerged from the orange haze, I finally slowed to a walk.
I ran 1K.
I was about to cry. I didn’t want to ruin anyone else’s day and I couldn’t imagine what the others were thinking.
I wanted them to leave me behind. I wanted to finish the race by myself, at my own pace, walking and running the best that I could.
But they didn’t leave.
They slowed to a walk too, and we walked/jogged the rest of the race, talking and laughing the whole time.
As we rounded the corner to the last kilometer we decided to run – to finish out strong. But even with the finish line in sight, I seriously wasn’t going to make it. With a few yards to go, I slowed to a walk and felt that unmistakable shame of not being strong enough.
But within seconds Carl bounded up to me, a swirl of energy, and kissed me – a powdery, sweaty, proud, kiss. He wasn’t at all ashamed to be running (or walk/jogging) next to me.
None of them were.
We crossed the finish line in an explosion of color and then proceeded to have the biggest, messiest dance party with all of the other Color Runners. We were so dirty, so colorful, and so free – dancing and laughing and really living fully.
I’ve never done a 5K before. And running has always been a sore subject for me – that one thing I’ve always wanted to be but have never been able to reach.
But I did have a victory that day.
I ran a 5K, and I walked a 5K. And I danced and played in swirls of color with three of my favorite people in the world. And it was really, really fun.
I guess success is all a matter of perspective.
I love you.
This is awesome.
That “5k run, walk, dance” whatever we want to call it – was all about this: “I ran a 5K, and I walked a 5K. And I danced and played in swirls of color with three of my favorite people in the world. And it was really, really fun.”
YOU ROCK lady!
Thank you for running and walking and dancing with me Christy. I love you tons!
The Color Run is the BEST thing, ever, when it comes to running. I’m not a runner either, but if every run looked and felt like that I might become one!
Right?! Or we’d make the insides of our bodies a rainbow from ingesting so much color.
I too suck at running. Good on you for going for it though! I would LOVE to do the Colour Run, hope it comes to the UK sometime soon!
I hope so too! It was a blast! 🙂
Steph, we’d be excellent running partners! This one time in high school (or was it middle school?) I ran a 9.34 mile (the worst time in the class of 50). I’m trying to pick up running and just hate it… But I love, love, love how Carl and Kacie responded and walked with you. You have beautiful friends! It reminds me of a similar experience I had in Nicaragua except it involved climbing a mountain. (And was totally worth it because that’s where what became my header image was taken).
Also, how do color runners not get their cameras all dirty?
Um- I saw 9.34 and was impressed! hahaha. We would be great running buddies though. I really do have beautiful friends. I’m so glad that you do too!! And in terms of keeping cameras clean at color runs… you don’t. My phone case will never be the same. Smart people put them in ziplocks I think.
Love this! I can totally relate! I started running a few months ago and maybe got up to a mile or more. Life got busy. I stopped running so I was a bit nervous about running the Color Run. Thankfully, there were plenty of people both running and walking. There was freedom and fun! I couldn’t think of a better first 5k!
I love this Penny! We really should have run together! hahaha. “There was freedom and fun!” I love that.
Love this! I can totally relate! I started running a few months ago and maybe got up to a mile or more. Life got busy. I stopped running so I was a bit nervous about running the Color Run. Thankfully, there were plenty of people both running and walking. There was freedom and fun! I couldn’t think of a better first 5k!
Yay for non-runners! Ha ha. Me being one of them. I love what Andy Stanley has to say about success, “you are a success every day you get up and show up for duty…. Everyday of faithfulness where you are with what you have is a successful day…Confusing success with the rewards of success is one of the primary reasons people abandon their dreams. In the meantime we must see success for what it is: faithfulness to the process.” God calls us to be faithful, right? I’ll call that success!
Oh Jackie, this made me cry. I love seeing your name, knowing that you’re reading my writing, and that you are a non-runner too. This is a fantastic quote. One that I absolutely need to remember.
Congrats on completing your first 5K! I did my first back in October. Haven’t really kept up on the running thing, but I think you’re right. Success is all in your perspective – and life is better if you change that perspective to see those successes 🙂
Thank you!! 🙂 “success is all about perspective…” lets repeat that shall we? 🙂
looks like fun! congrats!
Thanks Mike!
You know I grinned ear to ear reading this! when we signed up months ago, I signed up for exactly what we did Saturday. I would always rather walk with you if it also means I get to twirl through clouds of vibrant colors with you! I love you, forever-friend 🙂
Best quote ever: “I would always rather walk with you if it also means I get to twirl through clouds of vibrant colors with you.” I can’t think of a better way to sum up our friendship. I love you Kace.
this post is endearing 🙂
YOU are endearing! 🙂
Steph! ( and Katie)- 5 years ago, I was you! Next time we are together 🙂 promise me we’ll go for a run?!
Yes! Absolutely! (You can carry us.)
This is so awesome. Success IS a matter of perspective, and I’m so impressed you signed up and made it to the finish line. That’s huge – and inspiring. Glad to have stumbled upon your blog. I look forward to following your adventures.
Oh thank you! What a beautiful comment! Glad to have you along for the adventure! 🙂
Wow, that’s awesome!! I know exactly how you feel about running—the thought of it makes me want to weep. But the fact that you did it gives me hope, not only with running but with all the other hard aspects of life. There is hope to overcome if we push ourselves and believe it can happen.
I hear you about running making you want to weep. “There is hope to overcome if we push ourselves and believe it can happen.” I love that.
I loved your blog. So funny! I’m glad your friends and boyfriend were willing to walk with you. Running a race like that does take a lot of practice. I liked what exreligiouschristian said about running being like other trials in life. I really believe that. If you can push yourself to accomplish this, you feel like you can do anything. I hope that you will keep going. Maybe do walk/jogs and build up from there. I believe in you!!
This is so sweet! Thank you so much!!!
Steph, I’m sending this blog to my mom to encourage her to run a 5k with me!!
Yay!! I love that!! I miss you woman!
I’ve seen The Color Run all over Facebook… I may sign up for one one of these days! But I’m like you — not much of a runner! I am more of a 1K person myself — and even that sort of sounds daunting! But yay for friends who supported you and stuck by you! Yay for a fun experience!
Oh my gosh! I was there! I was at the Color Run in Atlanta! I’m not much of a runner either and could’ve written this post, but being there and being around all of those people who were having so much fun, I couldn’t help but be excited and not focused on the fact that I had to walk most of the race.
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