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God told me who I’m going to marry.

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I'm Stephanie May Wilson!

I'm an author and podcaster and my specialty is helping women navigate big decisions, life transitions — creating lives they love.

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“That’s your husband…” I thought he told me.

I pressed my ear in closer. “God, are you sure?!”

I swear I heard a ‘yes,’ my heart squeezing and preparing for the unknown future that lay ahead. It was an unknown future with one name attached.

“That’s him,” he told me. “You’re going to marry that man.”

We can hear from the Lord, we’re taught, if we tune in and listen closely.

And so we try. We listen in, pressing our ear close to his chest, listening for his heartbeat and for the answer to the biggest question we’ve ever asked.

God, who am I going to marry?

And then one day, we think we receive an answer. We get a ‘yes’ or maybe a name. A sign even.

People who don’t believe that God still speaks let this be their one exception. “God told me who I was going to marry,” they remember dreamily.

It’s confirmed, it seems. Your friends pray and seem to hear the same ‘yes.’ You’re sure, confident, ready.

We want our stories to be linear and laid out, God-like insurance policies guarding our biggest decision yet. We stop looking for compatibility, similarities or common interests, looking instead for that one ‘yes.’ Details aside.

Some stories work out like this – the answer clear, the circumstances reflect the same. Things unfold perfectly, unrolling like a red carpet leading to marriage. And even better – marriage foretold.

These are the Christian love stories we crave – the ones we want to hear over and over, looking for traces of our lives in their stories – hoping that ours will end that way too.

But sometimes our stories don’t end that way.

Mine didn’t.

I spent a year pressing in—asking again and praying obediently.

I prepared in every way I knew how – praying and cleaning my heart deeply, trying to get out the hurt and messiness that I was sure would get in the way.

But then the end of the year came—I was wrong. It wasn’t him. It couldn’t be. It wouldn’t be good. It wouldn’t be right. But then why did God say that?
In my confusion and hurt I searched for a conclusion—any conclusion.

Either the Lord was wrong, or I don’t hear from him. Both conclusions were painful and scary – neither one offering peace.

And more and more I’ve realized that this is not just my story. I’m surrounded by women who, at one point or another, have received a false positive on who they’re going to marry. A word or a sign or an answered prayer leaves them sure—and then heartbroken and confused when it just doesn’t pan out.

So where’s the disconnect?

I believe with all of my heart that God still speaks. I believe that we can hear him in a million different ways, his voice becoming familiar and comforting to us as he guides us gently.

But I’m not sure that God tells us who to marry before we get there – not specifically anyway. And if he does, I'm wondering if it may be the exception rather than the rule.

In scripture, God tells a lot of people to do specific things, but he usually makes himself pretty clear. Bushes talk and so do donkeys, a voice comes down from heaven, God isn’t shy when it comes to making his will known. But I can't think of many instances where he told the woman who she was going to marry, or even more rare, told her friends first.

In scripture, God has laid out a million guidelines (small exaggeration) for how we’re to handle our marriages. He teaches us to honor each other, showing us what the other person needs and how to love and respect them best. Marriage is an earthly representation of his relationship with us– it’s safe to say he’s invested.

But I don’t think that he plays matchmaker beforehand like we are expecting him to, revealing things to us like a Godly game of MASH– ‘you will marry him and have 6 kids and live in a tree house.’

 I think that he gives us a choice.

And when we think about it, I think that we’d prefer this option. God doesn’t force us to love him and so it wouldn’t make sense for him to force us to love each other. He lives in us, his spirit as our ever-present counselor and I think he trusts us to make our own decision.

There are bad options, certainly. Relationships that are abusive in some way are probably not within his will and there is a myriad of other reasons why he’d gently steer us away from walking down the aisle. But those scenarios aside, I think that we’re pretty equipped to make this decision without him forcing our hand.

I want someone to marry me because they chose me and because they want to. Not because God forced them. Marriage is a constant stream of choices, choosing each other again and again (or so I hear) and I’d like us to start practicing right away.

And so I think it’s time to trust our eyes to see – giving our ‘God antennae’ a rest from the marriage channel.

When it’s time to talk about marriage, we’ll be in a good relationship, a life-giving one, one that we can see ourselves in for the long haul. I think that that person will be on the same page, seeing us in the same way that we see them. I think that our big questions will have some answers and most of our big doubts will be gone. I think that we’ll have some peace and hopefully the support of the people in our lives, vouching for the fact that this thing is good.

We’ll be in love with our best friend. It wont be a code to be cracked, a set of clues to be deciphered, or a formula to complete. It’ll just be there, simple and beautifully complex all at the same time, an earthly reflection of the way God loves us.

And I hope that it takes us by surprise.

I hope that we can let go of our desire for insurance and reassurance and let ourselves get caught up in things entirely other. I pray that we can get swept away in our gifts and talents and friendships, fighting for freedom and justice and laughing really, really hard.

I pray that when we meet the person we are going to marry, that we don’t see it coming, caught in a whirlwind of the beautiful things that lay between now and then.

And without proof or concrete direction or a decisive answer to take to the bank, I pray that we can trust the Lord. I pray we let him do what he does best, swirling with us in the perfect color of today, all the while preparing us for the lovely things that come next.

And as for my story? It's not over yet, in fact it's just beginning. But I know that God is so good and that my preparation wasn't wasted. I know now that I wasn't meant to marry that man for a million different, beautiful reasons.

But mostly, because God had something else in mind.

It wasn't foretold…  it was better. And it certainly caught me by surprise.

For more on the subject:

Blog post:
Does God Tell us Who we're Supposed to Marry?

Blog post: How Do I Get Over Someone I Have Feelings For? And Are These Feelings A Sign That It’s Meant To Be?
Podcast episode: How I met my husband (and knew he was the one!)

Podcast episode: How to know if you've found ‘the one'

Quiz: Are you ready to meet your person?

Prayer Journal: A life-changing way of praying for your future marriage

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  1. Solid stuff, Steph. And God DOES have something else in mind. Something as fabulous as you are 😉

  2. Thanks so much for that, such a lovely reminder! The Lord is faithful to love and pursue us even during the times are eyes are far from him, how beautiful!

  3. Amanda says:

    somebody told me once that God can’t tell us who we are going to marry because it involves the free will of another person. I like that. I think we want God to make the decision for us so that if it backfires, we can point the finger at him instead of ourselves. great blog, steph!

  4. buntingtr1 says:

    steph – i love the raw honesty of this blog. i’ve gone through that lesson too, it hurt like a mother. i do think the Lord can tell you your “persons name”, but mostly i’ve found he likes us being in process and not always knowing the final outcome. and when it actually came time to be my turn, i knew i was going to marry joe cause i showed up on my wedding day and said yes.

    • Stephanie says:

      I love this so much. I completely agree… I think it’s possible, but I think that like most things, God’s much more interested in the condition of our hearts and our process than anything else. That last line about how you knew you were going to marry Joe is going to stick with me. Thank you for your beautiful wisdom.

    • Kacie Lynn says:

      “and when it actually came time to be my turn, i knew i was going to marry joe cause i showed up on my wedding day and said yes.” STOP IT TALIA. I hope I never forget that sentence 🙂

    • Amber says:

      I agree with your comment that god can give us a name and signs about who we are supposed to be. I prayed to god to give me a sign and I got them but not sure what is going to happen now. I also agree he may want it to be a surprise of how people can end up together.

      • C says:

        God told me with signs , prayers , audible voice but it hasn’t happened yet. I guess it’s all about His timing. It’s hard. I go on with my life but it’s hard to wait year after year.

  5. cheekhm says:

    This hits crazy close to my heart. I liked a guy in College and for some crazy reason thought that he was gonna be the one – I spent 4 years waiting around for him. I learned a lot from those four years and I resonate most when you said “When I get married, I want it to be to someone who chose me.”

    Thanks for sharing these thoughts. Very encouraging today.

    • Stephanie says:

      I love this. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so glad that you see the good that came from that time of waiting. I’m so glad to hear that I’m not the only one. 🙂

  6. Nancy says:

    Good blog Steph. It reminds me of when I was in graduate school. I went to my therapist, wailing about my fear that I would never get married. What good was it to have a career when I didn’t have a mate to share my life with? Then, I made a decision…I decided that if I couldn’t find someone in Denver, I would go anywhere I wanted and find someone there. Right after making that commitment, I met my husband. I knew from our first date that he was the one. I still went to San Diego and when I returned, we got married. The moral of the story is that you should live your life, knowing that whatever happens isn’t always in your control.

  7. Hi Stephanie! I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now…You’re an awesome writer!

    I totally agree with what you’ve written here about us having a choice in who we will marry someday…I feel God is so good for giving us this freedom. I think it’s also important that we not get stuck in the constant process of looking for, “the one”. I feel like for all of us we’ve done this at some point, and in the midst of the process we’ve knowingly or unknowingly sacrificed other relationships (I’m talking non-romantic relationships with either a male or female) that could really be valuable to us down the road.

    It’s still kinda crazy to me, but almost a year ago I remember telling God that I was tired of looking for, “the one”…and that I was finally just going to trust that if He thought I was ready for a relationship like that, then He would place that opportunity in my life at some point. It was a big decision for me…but I was determined to focus on God and my other relationships. And I kid you not, Stephanie, it was two weeks later that I had my first interaction with the woman I will marry. Of course I didn’t know it at the time, but I think that’s all apart of the “surprise” you were talking about.

    Awesome post!

    • Stephanie says:

      Jeremy, I love this! Thank you so much for sharing. It’s so good to hear a guy’s perspective and that it’s just as hard to wait and wonder if you’re a guy. I really love that you got to be so surprised. God’s so good that way. Thanks for setting such a great example for us in totally laying it down and living in the meantime, and for being proof that God has really good plans for us when we just relax and stop looking around for it.

  8. Here’s what I truly believe: God writes your story in such a way that is perfect for you. (if you let Him.) He knows you better than you know yourself and knows what’s going to rock your world. He is the ultimate Creator and he’s not going to run out of good, romantic story lines. Why want a “remake” when He can give you “never before seen or heard”? One love story is only “better” than another if someone chooses to label it that way. Also, a specific name doesn’t automatically mean you won’t have work through questions, fears, doubts, and insecurities. If those things are in your heart, they’re going to be an issue no matter what the circumstances are.

    • Stephanie says:

      Jess, I love that. Thank you so much for sharing your two cents. And thank you so much for being such a fantastic example of what a real, beautiful love story looks like. I love the individuality of yours and I love that it’s not better or worse or easier or harder than the next.

    • Candice says:

      Well said Jessica. I believe that as Christians, while we do have free will, God wants us to seek his guidance as to who to marry, given the importance of such a decision. The bible says that if we acknowledge him in all of our ways, he will direct our path. I also believe that he does not treat with every Christian in the same way. There are some that he will tell in advance (although they have to be careful that it is his voice speaking and not the devil trying to deceive). There are others that he will not tell in advance but will allow things to unfold. During that period and before we make the final decision, he wants us to seek his will in the matter. If we seek God’s will, we will not go wrong because he is all knowing and his will is perfect. I think the best love story is the one that a Christian allows God to write for him. There is nothing like walking down an aisle and knowing that God has given you 100% approval in your choice because it is also his choice. That’s my dream.

      • Stephanie says:

        Candice – thank you so much for giving your perspective! I think that you’re absolutely right that God wants us to seek his guidance. I also love that you pointed out that he treats us all differently. We hear him in different ways and he guides us differently. Absolutely true. Thank you so much for reading!

        • Jennifer says:

          I have to agree. I watched my parents who were perfect for one another divorce and marry two horrible people so at the age of 15 I began my journey of seeking God on the person I would marry one day. I began having dreams of a guy I had never met. I never saw his face clearly but it was always the same guy. I saw my journey in bits and pieces and saw that it would be a long hard journey with some tears. I met him after 17 years of searching. He felt like home. He was the person. However we allowed sin to enter in and we were forced to part. For 3 years now I have been seeking God still. I knew he was it but why the separation. I tried to pray him out of my mind. Asked God to remove Him. Never once getting angry with God. He never left my heart and the dreams kept coming. All symbolic. He came back into my life 5 months ago. He is struggling and fighting with God and we aren’t together but that connection is so strong that we can’t leave each other alone. So yes I do believe if we keep our relationship with God and put Him first and seek His perfect will then I do believe He can lead you and even show you that guy you will show your future with. When we finally are together and on our way to marriage…I will revisit this blog and tell you that it can and did happen. Believe me before I met him I tried to make every guy fit..they didn’t and I would be crushed. It wasn’t til I met him that the face in the dream became clear.

      • Shereka Shabang says:

        I’m thankful to God for such faithful people. God only operates in our life according to our faith. Thanks for the reminder that he said acknowledge him in ALL our ways.

  9. Rebekah says:

    I so needed this today Stephanie! Thank you. Sometimes I take that false whisper and use it as an excuse to run back to what I know is wrong for me. I know it’s just me craving comfort, but I cling to that time I thought I heard God speak to me. But he’s spoken to me so many more times, telling me to only rely on him and only run to him; and that word was loud and clear. Here’s to letting God work and enjoying the ride. Thanks for snapping me out of that vicious cycle!

    • Stephanie says:

      I’m so glad!! I’m so glad I got to hear a piece of your story. You’re so right. God says so many things to us… So many of those being ‘trust me.’ Thank you so much for sharing!

  10. Kacie Lynn says:

    YEAH. btw, I will still marry a celeb and we will live in a treehouse and we will have 6 kids and make >$100,000.00 and drive a volvo. MASH told me. k that’s all, I love you and this and getting to watch your love story unfold from the front row.

  11. Maggie says:

    Thank you for this blog. I have and AM struggling with this exact same thing, it is good to know I’m not the only one. Your writing is beautiful and inspiring!

    • Stephanie says:

      Maggie- I’m so glad! Thank you so much for reading!!

      • mlavigne01 says:

        So the night after reading this blog I ended up going to dinner with someone I thought I would never be interested in because I thought “I” had it all planned out and then of course I found myself COMPLETELY taken by surprise and the both of us laughing REALLY hard…we’ve started seeing each other and I can’t help but smile at God’s sense of humor and timing 🙂

  12. Well, Jeremy beat me with the guy’s perspective, but still this is beautifully written and from the depths of your heart. It shows in the way you write, so don’t change that…it’s those types of writing which can truly impact the world for someone or for lots of someones.

    I’m going through the same process I think to where I need to just let go, and let Him be the source of everything; where I just let Him be the One I lean on and not let the craving of my heart rule my actions. I need to live and let go of my ‘death grip’ on my desire to be married right. this. instant. And so I must wait too. Ha I love it though, never know what will happen.

    I also love the part about it being a ‘choice’, esp. within marriage and wish I could somehow express that to my parents who are struggling…hmmm…anyways, yeah beautiful words and keep writing! Blessings!

    How may I pray for you??

  13. emilydtuttle says:

    Love it. This so needed to be said. And probably repeated over and over again

  14. Kate says:

    YUP. I entered a relationship hesitantly, but there were very clear signs and encouragement from close friends even though I didn’t have peace in my heart. I stayed in the relationship longer than I should have because I thought all of the signs would somehow cover all of the flaws and unhappiness. Once I finally broke up with him, I realized I had placed the signs above the things that the Lord DOES lay out for us to look for in a spouse: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, humbleness, self-control.

    When I began dating the man who I would eventually marry, there was such an incredible peace in my heart because of the character I saw in him that I didn’t even need the ‘signs’ (although they were there loud and clear). The ultimate ‘sign’ was that I knew this man was God’s vessel to love me through here on earth. The same will happen for you – it will be so obvious that the Lord will speak loud and clear through you knowing GOD’S love for you in a new way through him.

  15. kaitlynroo says:

    What a beautiful, brave challenge. A vulnerable place to shine into. A place most of us dare to think of OFTEN. Way to nail it, Steph! Thank you…..thank you! May our hearts embrace the fullness of today by the graces in which we have been taught. May love abide in the small crevices of everything we perceive & see.
    I’m so thankful for these words. You’re so encouraging, sweet lady!

  16. Dawn Muench says:

    Clearly this resonates with alot of people- your words are wise! I love hearing your descriptions of your lessons you’ve learned. This phrase is gonna stay with me for a while: “swirling with us in the per­fect color of today”. I love that mental picture!

  17. etcstills says:

    This is so encouraging words cannot begin to express! Thank you so much for sharing this and for allowing God to work in and through you!

  18. Benny says:

    Dear Stephanie,
    I feel like this article has been written especially for me. I recently got out of a relationship with a man who I thought was going to be my husband. I had already started planning for the wedding and day-dreaming about having his babies, when all of a sudden, out of the blue, he left me for his ex. I was devastated to say the least because for whatever reason, I foolishly thought this was the guy God intended for me. I had been praying for a companion and I somehow mistook the first guy who hit on me as a message that God had sent him for me, ignoring the various ‘signs’ and ‘warnings’ from my loved ones telling me how he was not the right one for me. I guess I was so desperate to get married that I let my impulses take the role of ‘God’s little voice’ in my head. I am still grieving the loss and learning from my mistake. And chancing upon this article is another step to my healing process. I love your perspective on this and it has given me an insight which will only help me strengthen my faith. Thank you and God bless you.

    • Stephanie says:

      Thank you so, SO much for sharing your story with me. I can’t tell you how much it means to me. I know how much this hurts… I wish I didn’t. But I know for a fact that this will heal, you will get past this, and that there are many fantastic men in the world. Take the time to heal from this, forgive yourself – and let the Lord put things back together. He’s a god of the best kinds of plans. I know he has one for you too. Thank you again for sharing. All my love!

  19. Aretha says:

    I came accross this discussion when I was searching on the subject “God choosing your mate. ” I agree with the previous commenter who I believe it was Candice that God does not treat every Christian the same way. My testimony, in short, is this…..I was minding my own business living my life, dating, dreaming about one day being married and having kids etc. One day a close friend of mine who is in ministry told me she had a dream in 2008 about someone who said he was trying to marry me but I won’t let go of them. The “them” was a bunch of men she saw standing in the corner. She described the man to me (verly nice I might add) however I didn’t think much of her dream because I didn’t know anyone who fit the description. The next year in 2009 I was at an event and I met a man. He fit the description of the one in her dream. I prayed about it and asked the Lord if this was my husband. I heard yes, but you are not ready yet. I have to get you ready. I have to get him ready. There is a reason why I am putting the two of you together. In 2010 I ran into him again at another event (he actually lives in another state) I even took a picture with him but he did not remember me. I prayed again “Is this my husband?” I heard “do not weary me you have been given enough to know as sure as your name is…… he is your husband. Do you want me to send him to someone else?” I said ” no” I heard the Lord say “Trust Me do not go after him I will send him when it is time.” I discussed this with my friend. She said God has choosen someone for you but he will not make you take him. You still have free will to say no. I saw him again in 2011. I was getting a little restless and I began going out with other men. April 2012 I heard the Lord say “I have choosen your husband…get rid of them. In June 2012 “the one” was back in town and I had a chance to talk to him and gave him my information i sent him a great inspirational book to read. He called me on my birthday (He didn’t know it was my birthday he actually called about something else lol) and he said that he has read the book a couple of times. It is now June 2013 and I am still waiting ….the interesting thing is He is not dating anyone and he said that “God was working on him so that he could be ready to give the “right one” his last name………And my journey continues……..

    • GOD Child says:

      Beautiful!!! Can you please reply with your updates on your journey.

      It’s really helpful as well as hopeful for me.

      Thank you Stephanie and Thank you Aretha for sharing your stories.

      • Angel RENEWED says:

        Hi girls and gentlemen. Not sure if my story is or was still posted, but regardless of my update on my life is doing just fine. I’ve moved to another city which is okay and I’ve given up on a lot of things and relying solely on God for everything like my thoughts, my mind, my heart, my hand and my guidance. Within the last 2 years I’ve read too deeply into dreams that I thought was a sign about whatever guy I was with, read to deeply and believed a psychic about possibly identifying my husband, read too deeply into my heart and my feelings and all the while getting God involved in all of my second-hand decisions because though my mouth said I’m seeking God’s will, my actions and thoughts said otherwise. And after all of the so called signs of seeing the same name over and over for a week and me taking it for a sign that that’s my husband, I can truly say I am seeking God’s will and his will only. As young as I may feel (late twenties), I’ve come to realized that thought I would love the Nicholas Sparks movie relationships and for someone to love me like is supposed to feel, I may or may not get that chance, but God is love. Now I’m not saying I don’t want to find the one, but I am saying that I’m not going to look for him in no type of way. Often times we say we aren’t looking and in actuality we are when we read too deep into omens(signs & or ppl). I love the idea of possibly finding someone that will love me deeply and above all love God more, but if or if it don’t happened I know I’ll be okay. I’ve tried everything in the book to find the one or to seek out the one with all of these so called signs. I’m not bitter nor am I angry, but I’m done looking into every little thing to find love and to hope for love while I’m setting myself up for wishful thinking. If the Lord Jesus Christ wants me to have a husband, then I’ll have one, but if not then I’m not going to worry about it. I’m seeking God first and if a husband is in the works for me, then as Jesus Christ said, “all other things will be added according to his will.” I don’t know any of you, but I love you all for sharing all of your stories and all of the positive feedback that we are giving each other here. And I just want all of you to know that you are loved with or without a mate and to all seek Jesus Christ kingdom first and all other things shall be added according to his perfect will. ~~Kisses & lots of hugs~~TO YOU ALL:)

    • Kmk says:

      Aretha, this does not sound like God’s character.

      Reread “do not weary me you have been given enough to know as sure as your name is…… he is your husband. Do you want me to send him to someone else?”

      These words sound like someone who is impatient with you, exasperated, threatening you — pushing you away but tying you up at the same time.

      God is better than this. He will be truthful with us AND so kind. The fruit of the Spirit are qualities that God Himself has. Patience, gentleness…

  20. I agree with this article in some aspects. God gives us choices in everything, but I would rather have God pick my mate than be chosen by a man for my looks and personality only to find out he chose wrongly. If God chooses for us a wife or a husband, we always have the choice whether to follow-through with his plan. Also, just because God reveals to us our husbands does not mean our dating roles change. God works everything out for us. If the man does not pan out either because of worldly forces or the man choosing not to follow the will of God, God’s not going to just leave the woman hanging. He will provide double for her trouble. Her future mate will be better than the last. If you as a woman are lucky/unlucky (depending on who you are) enough to have your husband revealed: praise God, know he is not a liar, get ready for the Man of God He is sending you, and settle for nothing less.

    • Mabel says:

      Boy I sure hope you’re right about double for her trouble.
      I fell in love with a man who had all the qualities I wanted but he left me. I asked God before I met him to help me find someone with those exact qualities, but who would not leave. Now I am in agony. I miss him so much. A replacement would have to be so awesome he probably doesn’t exist.
      I’ve waited so long; I’m almost out of time to have a family. I’m trying to let go and trust that God is doing the right thing for me (and even through this horrible breakup, I’ve felt a strange calmness and a surety I can’t explain), but it’s really hard because it hurts so much. I just want the pain to stop.
      If this man is to come back to me, my mother said it can’t be while I am bereft. If not, I hope God in his mercy will send my husband to me so that I don’t have to wait past the time when we can enrich our lives with a family. And frankly, I could use the distraction. If only something would open up, I could feel hope again instead of pain, and know that I won’t be alone for years the way I was before the man I miss so much came into my life.

      Now I gotta hit the Kleenex box again…..’scuse me….

      • B.J. says:

        I understand so very much how you are feeling. Missing that person you love so very much; the waiting…it’s all so very painful. Before the person I still love came into my life; I had been alone for a long number of years. Finally the loneliness was over! He is such a good man. A loving Christian man. Then things didn’t work out, although he gave me no indication that we were in trouble. Men often just close themselves off without saying what’s wrong; which isn’t fair, but it is what happens. Now here I am; still in love with him, still in pain, but trusting GOD to send whomever he has for me. The Lord did tell me about 7 years ago that he was preparing my other half; then reminded me of this through a pastor who told me that GOD said I was going to get married. Not trying to rush the Lord but the wait is painful. One bright spot is that I am certain if the man GOD is sending to me isn’t the one I am still in-love with, I know I will love the one GOD does send me as much as the one I love now. AT LEAST: if not more. It’s just that the wait is hard.

      • Stephanie says:

        Mabel, I’m so sorry that you’re hurting. I’m praying for healing and restoration for you. With all of my heart.

    • Stephanie says:

      Thanks for reading and sharing your perspective Lorraine!

  21. Katy says:


    I totally agree with this! I feel so much pressure to “discern” whether the man I am dating is “the one”. Lots of my strong Christian friends believe (who are mostly single, I might add) that God will tell you if you should marry someone on the very first date, or even before! I’ve been struggling because the man I’m seeing is amazing but I haven’t received a resounding “YES!” from God yet.

    I like the idea of choosing someone and having them choose me. The guy I’m dating has all the fantastic character qualities I could ask for in a mate and I have so much peace about dating him. Maybe it’s okay to let the “God yes” go and enjoy the relationship without all that pressure!

    • Stephanie says:

      I completely agree Katy. It was amazing how much MORE peace I felt as soon as I let go of all of the things I thought I was “supposed to” be feeling/hearing. He sounds great. 🙂

  22. Another Stephanie :-D says:

    While I love the beauty of the story here, I have to confess that God did tell me who I would marry and then confirmed it through the direct messages of 3 women of God. I didn’t get it wrong…and I didn’t make it up in my own head. He even proposed months ago. Now we don’t even speak. Through this silence many things have been exposed in me that would detrimenal to my role in minstry as well as being a wife. I have attempted to encourage other people who are waiting, but lately, I find myself becoming angry. Not only am I tired of waiting, I am tired of reliving everything that has transpired over the last few months asking God, “what’s the point?”. Not sure what to do…my God doesn’t lie.

    • Stephanie says:

      Stephanie- I’m so sorry you’re going through this. 🙁 id love to talk to you about it more. Please feel free to email me!

    • Jennifer says:

      No God doesnt lie, but I believe he wants us to make Him the centre of our focus. Even in marraige the most perfect marraige, We still need God. While marraige was God’s intention to create initmacy and companionship, it was never intended to fulfil us or make us happy. Marraige in my view is a training ground for learning to die to self over and over and over again!!. It is not a place where we are supposed to find ‘fulfilment and happiness’ we should be fulfilled and happy on her journey into marraige.

    • Jad says:

      Hi other Stephanie,

      My name is Jen. In June 2013 I went to a prophetic conference that I was invited to and the man of God ( who I didn’t know) told me who I was going to get married to. It was confirmed through 4 other sources (which are all women and men if God) and now my supposed husband is living with another woman and had a baby. How could this happen when this is what God said? Now I’m stuck and angry and unsure how to move on.

      The last prophecy that I received was that God said that while we were to be married he cannot force his will on the other person. If God can turn things around and do the impossible then what is going on. My question was why take me through all that and then just to let me down. I can honestly tell you that my faith is definitely shaken and I am extremely disappointed. Here is God using his vessels to give a sure word that I didn’t seek only to let me down.

      How did you recover from this?

  23. VerySeriouslySpeaking says:

    I feel as if God is really punishing a good man like me that is hoping to meet a good woman to share my life with, and having a very hard time meeting that special one.

    • Stephanie says:

      I’m so sorry you feel like you’re being punished Ben. I don’t know why it’s taking so long, or what the plan is here. But I do know that God is so faithful. And that his plan often looks drastically different than the one we come up with on our own. I also know that it’s better. 100% of the time.

    • Amber says:

      I hope you find the one.

  24. CJ says:

    God told me who I’m going to marry…it’s Jesus.

  25. Sally says:

    After reading this article I just had to write something. I’ve met several people in my life who I was really sure were the One for me. Two of them come to mind because those two guys made me get closer to God. They were both really painful breakups because I was sure I was meant to spend the rest of my life with them. One of them got married about a year later and the other one disappeared forever without any notice. It took me a long time to accept he wasn’t going to be my future husband. There has been since 2007 a person who for a very long I thought was my soul mate. Even though he never respected me, he never loved me, he never cared for me, hefor some crazy reason I had this incredible love for him. I believed he was a very good person and wanted to show him through me how much God loved him. Last year he was in a really horrible motorcycle accident and he almost lost his life. Up until perhaps a month ago, I started to realize how blind I was to think that he could ever fall in love with me. There’s lots of anger, bitterness, cruelty and resentment in him..he can’t love me because he doesn’t love himself. A

    • Sally says:

      And if you can’t love yourself how can you give love to others? Up until recently I started to see things very different. I realized that I wasted so much time trying to find little signs here and there if I was really meant for this person and then just one day about two weeks ago….I let him go. I broke free from this bondage. I had enough. Just to note: I never saw him in person again since September 2010. We just texted each other and spoke on the phone.
      this summer I met a man I had been dating for aboutweeks

      • Sally says:

        (Sorry Stephanie if the message is so long. I’m using my phone and it’s hard to type) Anyway, I was saying I had been dating this guy for 7 weeks and thought “okay I think he is the one” but as time has passed by I started to see the same pattern from my previous relationships. He didn’t come pick me up for dates, only the 1st two times, he didn’t ever tell me anything positive about me…he only wanted to see me at night, he became distant and when I tried to ask him serious questions he just laughed. So I wasn’t sure where I stood with him…and just about a week and a half ago, I got a message from this other guy. He asked me out right away that same night. I said okay. We had met before and spoken on the phone back in early May but never met in person. We lost touch but I kept his number
        because I felt he was different. So we have gone out on several dates now in just one week. Every single date has been so great. We connected immediately in all aspects. He tells me I’m beautiful, he tells me I’m smart, he tells me so many wonderful things that I’ve never been told before by another man. He makes me feel so special. He uplifts me, inspires me to follow my dreams, to see the beauty I have inside and out. He can’t stop looking at me, smiling at me, kissing me, hugging me. And it just feels so comfortable being with him. It feels like we’ve been best friends for a long time. There are moments where we just stare at each other and just smile without exchanging any words between us and then I feel this incredible urge to hug him and I do. Or he just suddenly kisses my forehead and embraces me. I don’t know where he came from but all I know is I didn’t expect this at all. I didn’t see it coming and I know I don’t want it to end. Because in just this short time I’ve received so much healing. Spiritual, emotional and for the first time I’ve realized that I am worthy of love. That I deserve someone like him. I’ve been waiting for a man like him and I recognize how true love is supposed to be.

      • Sally says:

        …up until this point everything has been really wonderful. Two nights ago I accidentally texted him a message that was meant for the guy I had been dating this summer. I immediately apologized to him. I was so embarrassed. He texted me about 30 minutes later saying it was strange to receive that message. He said “I think you should take care of that first before and then we can see each other again” I explained to him what the message was
        about. Told him I’m not dating that person anymore. I told him I’d like to see him again too.

        He said “it’s okay. I understand”

      • Sally says:

        Once again I’m really sorry for the really long message. But I just want to say that he said to me “It’s okay honey. Don’t worry. Just give me a little time”. So I don’t know what will happen but for some reason I don’t feel worried or sad. I don’t feel anxious or afraid like I’ve felt before other times with those other men I thought were meant to be my husband. I think if it’s meant to be it will happen just the way it’s supposed to. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that on our first date We both said we are ready to stop searching and just want

        to fall in love and spend the rest of our life with that prson

      • Sally says:

        And I promise it’s the last message! Lol…
        As I said I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we both agreed that we are ready to stop searching and fall in love forever. That night I said to him, “I’ve learned in life that you can’t make someone fall in love with you, You can’t force it. If it’s meant to be it will happen. And if you want to be with me and only me you’ve got to tell me directly. I know what I want. I want to be married and have children if it’s God’s will for me to have children.” He told me I was going to make him cry. I don’t know what that meant and I don’t want to analyze. I just want to trust and believe that these special moments that we’ve had together have been sincere. I’ve been hurt before and I might get hurt again but love is a risk. You’ve got to take it until you finally find the one. And I pray to God not to send me a sign or whisper if this man is the one but to bless my relationship. To give me the qualities of a good wife. Because I may not have my life in order but I feel a big change coming. I felt it the moment I met him. And I think if I’m not mistaken he felt it too. 🙂

        • Angel says:

          Sally my dear that is a beautiful story, but I have to say this just for a little wisdom. In your last sentence you stated that you don’t want to pray to God to whisper a sign or tell you that the man is the one. I hope you are being honest with yourself. I say that because a lot of times we don’t pray or ask God about a person is because we’ve developed all of these “feelings” and the “it feels right” symptoms & sometimes we are afraid of what he may reveal to us. It’s kinda tricky because we as human make it to be. Some of you go and say I asked God to reveal this and he gave me signs and then there’s others that say I don’t want to ask God because I feel it is right. Let me just say this, “feelings” & “the heart” are 2 of the most deceitful things and God isn’t a feeling, he’s the truth. Sometimes we interpreted signs and feelings into what we want it to be. Let me give you an example: Half of us have said “I have the feeling he’s the one” and we all know how many people we felt that way with that turned out the opposite, which is primary reason we shouldn’t go off that. Far as signs. Let me just tell you a quick story of mine. First of all, I am a praying woman(no better than the next) and I’ve always let and ask God for guidance. This one guy I felt like he was the one and I wanted it to be him because I didn’t see how it could get any better with another one. I prayed and asked God is this my husband. If he is give me a sign as to what my husband should be. This guy’s name was Sterling. After I prayed I saw his name pop up on my tablet as I was setting it up for location, sterling virginia. I watched a game and I saw it on tv Sterling. I flipped the channel to TMC and saw Sterling again. The next day I saw a tag on a car with sterling on it. Anyways to make the story even shorter, I kept seeing this name and then 1 day I the nerve to ask God again. I went to work and as I was putting my bags down I looked up and a box had the name Sterling on it. I immediately took that as a sign God was telling me yes this is my husband. I went on instagram just browsing and clicked on one of my friend’s picture and I saw sterling 5 times on her caption. It was some guy who the picture was taken by and she mentioned 5 times in caption. So then I just knew that GOD was confirming it well let me tell you, I was wrong. The whole time I felt miserable with him, he always wanted me to do things I didn’t like or wasn’t comfortable with, he called me twice a week if that. Sometimes 2 weeks I didn’t hear from him and when I did it wasn’t for good reasons. He expressed all of this deep love for me because we met unexpectedly. But 1 thing he always did and say, was he’s not making any commitment to me because he’s afraid he’ll be hurt and he wants to take his time. 3 years I waited on him to “take his time” hoping he would just see that I am the one for him. Not 1 time did he. He even had other women that he went out with. Long story short, what I saw was wrong and it took another man to come into my life for me to realize it. At first I was getting mad and confused with God because that isn’t coincident at all and when I met this new guy, it came to me. God was saying your husband needs to and will be a “sterling man” not that’s your husband because that’s his name. You see, we often times want to believe in what we want to believe in or interpret it to be because as we say “it felt like the one,” I had “a feeling.” And I always said I had a feeling he was the one for me from the beginning because we met oddly and we connected instantly and at first like any new relationship of any kind he was so sweet, called everyday and did everything right, but even that didn’t make him my husband. 3 years I shut myself off from dating hoping he would make me the one. Furthermore, we can’t rely solely on our hearts, the way we met, feelings and signs that are given because God has never been a man of direct words. Even in the Bible he told things in parables and there were times he talked through others to reveal our future, like talking to Joseph to reveal Mary’s destiny. So whatever we do in life, remember to keep God first always, trust him in his guidance, ask him for signs so that you don’t lead yourself to stray(but be ready to receive what you ask) and let him lead you according to his will and the Holy Spirit because God have plans to prosper you, not harm you and plans to give you a hope and a future. Therefore, put away society to teaching with the whole “free will” thing. No where in the Bible is it written as the terms “free will” exactly. God decides our fate and his will will always override our own. We should read the entire Bible and discover the truth for ourselves. Think about it, we are already predestined. God knows the many hairs on our head strand by strand, he knows what we’re going to do before we even do it and what’s going to happen before it does. It’s all his plan to bring you to the glory he has to show you. He knew what and when you were going to pray about before you prayed. He knew when and who we were going to meet before we met them. He knew how we will feel afterwards and what we will do after that. Some of us pray when things goes wrong and that’s bringing you closer to God and his will for your life. You see, were are confused by the world and not living solely by The Word. There’s no A&B way you can live your life. There’s only 1 way & it’s God’s way through all aspects of your life, be it your love life, career, purpose, health etc. Everything is apart of God’s perfect plan. Fools only believe there’s A&B because who can compete with God and who’s will is better than God? NO ONE. Your husband and or wife is whomever God aligns your life with according to his will. Even those who are in wrong marriages because God already knows the choices we’re going to make and our choices are apart of his will because it was already predestined what we we’re going to do anyways. God’s journey for each of our lives are different and so is the purpose.

    • Stephanie says:

      Sally, thank you so much for sharing your story with me! I pray that your life is so full of love and peace, more than you could ever imagine.

  26. Mia says:

    This is so beautiful just like everything God does. In my experience potential mates have come and go. Also couple men are interested in marriage with me, but God has give me the decrement and ability to tune my feelings by not choosing any of them. The reason being is that they don’t follow and love God the same way I do or more; so is out of the question for me to even consider any of them. I am in love with God and as my spiritual journey keeps edifying day by day I want the man I marry to love God above all and share the same spiritual journey for the rest of our lives. I am also in love with a man who believes in God, but I am not sure how great is his spiritual journey and wiliness to follow God by the way he acts sometimes, so I am just waiting on the Lord to reveal more about his will for this relationship to make a choice.

  27. Tracey says:

    This is exactly what I went through! I’m so glad I’m not the only young lady that thought God had showed me who my husband was and then it turned out he was not the one. For three years, I clung to the “promise” of this “prophesy” coming true. This wonderful, handsome, christian guy in my class at college. We clicked in some many ways, I could see he liked me too, but he never approached me and we only talked casually, but deep inside I thought I heard a voice telling me “the timing was not right and I should just be patient because he was the one I would marry eventually”. So I waited…and waited…and waited some more…until I heard the news of his engagement to another woman! The news hit me so hard that I spend the next week in my bedroom crying, asking God why was my “future husband” marrying someone else! The confirmations were there, there had been so many “signs” from God that he was “the one”, so the news of his engagement didn’t make any sense to me and I was really hurting inside. I had prayed for him, for our future together, just for him to put a ring on another woman! Then God reminded me about a dream that he had given me one night. I had once dreamed that he had indeed married someone else, but when I woke up in the morning, I just thought it was the devil messing with my faith and I continued to believe he was “the one”. I was so ashamed when God reminded me of that dream and He said to me, “I tried to warn you in that dream that he was not the one for you but you wouldn’t listen to Me.” That was a lesson I will never forget. Sometimes God speaks to us silently but because we want something so badly, we convince ourselves that it is what He wants for us and ignore His gentle warnings. If I had heeded the warning of that dream, I would have saved myself so much heartache. Sorry for the long post, but your article compelled me to share my story.

    • susyy says:

      Hello Tracey and Stephanie…when i was reading this article…i started to read the whole comments and my google search was “why God didn’t make me meet the right one?” I Love God…I have a lot of conversations with Him and at times is really hard to understand why u feel less blessed compared to the friends You have that are all married. Being single is tough…I tried them all…thinking about myself, taking care, my career, travels and at times u forget about it…but other times is really like a magnet that brings u back to reality…that You are single…and hoping to meet the one that will enlight the years to come…I had the courage to end up a relationship that really drove me away a lot of energy…his ex…his lies…the things i discovered and how he was almost deleting my personality and integrity as a woman that is worth…and then after some time..i met this guy in the church…handsome, intelligent,God fearing..before then i had a dream that I will meet a guy with American origins…and I dreamt that I was in the USA with a family…till then I discovered casually one day his origins and everything went in a place…and is quite rare ina city where i live…and He has even other origins like mine more rare…and i started building castles…thinking He was the one that God made me meet…till I found out that He was getting married…in the same period of my birthday…I was so disappointed…So tired to put myself together after the past relations and this guy that made me happy and positive…and now gone….at times i wonder why did i met him then? and i have mistaken the signs…the fac is that God sees the whole picture…we see just what we think to see….but is not easy to compel with this…I am in a period of my life where the fact of being single now is having a big impact…and I wonder when will be my turn…I’m tired…

    • Alove says:

      I went through this exact same thing and next thing I know the guy I was told I would marry, married someone else. Sometimes I wish the gentle whispers from God were louder than the false confirmations. Some people like myself are stubborn. I would prefer a stern “STOP!” from the Lord especially in situations like this.

  28. J. Newton Flomo says:

    I am looking for a woman to marry in my life, I am serious about it, I want to make a life with that person now in my life time oaky

  29. T says:

    this is so neat and what a blessing for your honesty. this is the part that gripped me. “”But sometimes our stories don’t end that way.””
    I’ve known of people who had dreams, visions, etc. all before they got married or knew one another (true story and awesome testimony of a marriage who was like that and have been married for over 20 years!) after hearing stories like that, it tended to make me feel # 1- in awe of god the way he does connect things but #2-feel the pressure of wanting my prayers/stories to be like the theirs and always falling short and disappointed.

    that can often leave you disappointment that “God doesn’t speak to me” in this area. (like – why cant you tell me God like you told her? or as a man, Lord, give me strength and courage to approach her about marriage/being my mate because I believe I know too – as the husband in my example did. after MUCH prayer, he finally went up to her and said “I believe God is showing you to be my life partner. please pray about it and let me know what he says to you.” Her response, “I’ve known for a year.” and that was it. when you hear about successful marriages like that, it will make you go – how come that never happens to me?) I finally got to a place where I would get excited about my own way that God would reveal his will for me in marriage and not allow the “hype” of others relationships to scare me into “if it didn’t happen like their story, it wont happen for me”

  30. Alex Lanzarin says:

    I absolutely love this! And it gives me great comfort that I am not alone. Last year for me was very tough. I was engaged to be married and 3 weeks before the wedding, my then fiance cancelled the wedding. It was devastating and i could not understand why God would allow that in my life, if i had always been faithful to him. It wasn’t until a year later, that i began to understand that God’s wisdom is much greater than mine. And he realized that it would not have been a christian marriage, and definitely loveless. Presently, I am in a relationship with a man who i am in love with (and i never i would love again). I don’t know if this man is the one, but this time around i am open to whatever God’s plan is for me. Whether it is to marry, to lead a single life, or whatever, i will follow. And in not expecting anything, i have received so much! There is definitely freedom and peace when you allow God to act! .

  31. AJ says:

    It is very difficult for many of us finding true love these days, unlike years ago when it was certainly much more easier. it is very sad that the divorce rate is so very much out of control now since both men and women can’t be faithful to one another anymore, and i feel very sorry for many of them that have children. well God did really bless our parents and grandparents since their marriage has lasted such a very long time, and years ago the times were much different back then when there was certainly much more commitment too.

  32. khristiford says:

    Knowing that god sent your husband

  33. jenny says:

    Iv been going through the same thing i keep getting signs and im scared of putting all my trust in these signs worrying that at the end of the road it wont be the same thing as i thought and that iv been mistaken about the meaning of these signs. i once dreamt that he told me that my ex that iv dated for 3 years would be the one for me.each week i get more informations in my dreams but the doubt that i have freaks me out..what if i was wrong?what if ill be heartbroken if i misunderstood all these dreams and signs..

  34. Sara says:

    For 10 years I believed God told me who I was going to marry. Every life decision and every thought I had was about that man and how much God was going to bless us. The only thing is, for 10 years I cried myself to sleep because that man didn’t want me. He didn’t love me. And he did NOT see himself marrying me. He told me this over and over again and showed me by being with other women and treating me like trash… But I didn’t care because “God told me he was the one I was going to marry.” He broke my soul down but I always turned to God to find hope……. One day I decided God wouldn’t want me in such pain and said I couldn’t take it any more. Then I found a new wonderful man who loves everything about me and we got married after being caught up in the unexpected whirlwind of amazing love…….. I’m so grateful for him but everyday I struggle with wondering if I disobeyed God by making a wise choice and being with a good man or I should have kept waiting for the man I waited for for 10 years. I can’t break free and trust that God sent my husband to me. I hate feeling his way because he is so good to me yet all I worry about is am I now out of Gods perfect will?? 🙁

    • Another Stephanie :-D says:

      Do not beat yourself up. Goto God and let His voice be the only answer you seek. The enemy wants you to condemn yourself and your marriage, because it will distract you from God’s plan. So, cast your cares upon the Lord…and let His word stand and resolve the issues within your heart. Be encouraged. 🙂

    • Stephanie says:

      Sara, I think that God speaks to us in a million different ways. And I think a big one is through our circumstances. I look at my boyfriend now and know that he’s a gift from the Lord because of the way he treats me. The way he looks at me, loves me, and cares for me reminds me of Jesus. We so often want to hear an audible voice, or a voice in our heads. But I think that God speaks in so many more ways. You aren’t being disobedient to the Lord by being with someone who treats you well. Our God is the God of good and perfect gifts. And no, those gifts aren’t always easy, but they look like him. And a man who doesn’t want you and treats you like trash doesn’t look like God. Rest assured sweet daughter. God’s will is a canyon, not a tightrope. It’s not as easy to fall off of as we fear.

  35. Another Stephanie :-D says:

    I think the true issue is not whether God tells people who they will marry–because He’s sovereign he can choose to reveal anything to anyone. The real question is…did God say it, or did you make it up and then link it to what you assumed was God’s will. As I said previously…God told me, and he confirmed it through 4 people of God, and He told him (and the him in question also told me). So we both know the Divine plan…but at the current time we are not communcating; however, that doesn’t negate the promise, it only means that in this season, the promise is not manifesting. And with all the things I have learned in and because of our silence, I am grateful to God for orchestrating such a time. But beyond this “season,” I sit in expectation of the promise of marriage and as I watch God transform my heart, I know that I am on the verge of receiving. Now…I hear people dispute this topic often, but to all of it I say that GOD’s promises are yes and Amen…the key is comfirming that it’s God’s plan and not our own…this goes for getting married, starting companies, birthing ministries and anything else that we may believe has been revealed/promised. The sheep know His voice and a stranger’s (and this includes our voice) they will not follow. 😉

    • Kandice says:

      Amen!!! I am in the same boat. We need to get God out of this little box we put him in and just know that he is Good, that he is just, that he is loving, and that he is a HUGE GOD!!!!!!!!!! When God told me who I am going to Marry. I was not sure….. Becasue I did not want to get my hopes up. But then God kept confirming it every single time! And when I doubted God was there every single time to say, “For the 100th time, You are going to Marry that Man!” When God tells us those things… we need to stop looking at that Man God has for us and start seeking the Face of the One who told us!!! Becasue then God will be able to do his amazing work!!! And Start praying for your future Hubby!!! This is what I pray for him some times… “Lord, I ask that you would blind him to all other women accept me. So that he won’t get distraced when it’s time to meet me. And Right now is his time of singleness, let him seek you while my heart so amazingly lost in you that he will find me by seeking you the entire time!!!”
      This is a War!!! A Spiritual War!! Satin knows who you are going to marry as well and he does not like it one little bit….. So now while we are Queens in waiting for our Future Hubby’s, pray for him!!!! Pray that Gd would keep him on the right path! And pray that God would tell him about you as well. TO give him some hope about you. 🙂

      • jenny says:

        the thing is happening to me i had soo many signs but i keep doubting because i dont want to put my hopes Kendall you suggest since i know who’s the guy i should live my life till the day he come?

      • Another Stephanie :-D says:

        You’ve got it beloved! Let’s connect so we can touch and agree. Let me know…

      • Kandice says:

        The thing is you can’t doubt what God can do!!! That is what wrong with Christians today!!! We look at things in the Natural and not in Supernatural!!! The way God sees things!!!!! It’s Amazing to see what God sees!!!! All we have to do is have Faith and to not Doubt!!! “I tell you the truth, If you have Faith and don’t Doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this Mountain, ‘Go throw yourself into the sea’, and it WILL be DONE! If you Believe, you will recieve whatever you ask for in prayer!” Matthew 21:21-22. Just Beleive in what God can to do!!!

      • Courtney B says:

        I had the same experience. I’ve gotten Gods voice,name , vision , signs. Etc. I guess it’s all on Gods time table . Ive dated others but nothing comes from it …

    • Stephanie says:

      Thanks for reading and sharing your story Stephanie!

  36. Kandice says:

    Well if you aren’t following God then you got a point…. Think of
    It as a Triangle…. You are on the left your future Hubby is on the Right and God is at the top. The only way y’all will
    Find each other is by keeping your Focus on God and God alone. It’s like Peter Getting out of the boat and keeping his eyes on Jesus 🙂
    Keep your Eyes on Jesus and then just let God be God!!!! Keep Trusting in what God has Promised you!!!!

    • Jennifer says:

      I just had to add my comment to this interesting topic. I have not read everyone’s comments yet but the few I have read I see a glimpse of my story too. God does speak to his children and we are privileged to know and discern his voice. As women, we crave for intimacy hence our desire to one day meet our prince, settle down and raise a family- these are all healthy desires that I believe God puts in our hearts. The sad truth is that so many sister have literally kept their lives ‘hold’ because the heard God’s voice telling them so and so is their spouse. It’s so heart breaking to see many beautiful sister clinging on to a supposed promise believing that a certain guy will one day marry them with devastating consequences. I really do not believe the Lord would do that to his children. He has given us the freedom to chose and I believe that if we keep Christ as the centre and focus of our lives he will guide us to make the right choice but will not keep his child ‘on hold’ while ‘working’ on someone else. We live in a strange world but we also serve an awesome God who created the entire world in 7days. If God (in his infinite plan) wills one of his daughters in country x to meet one of his sons in country y to meet, marry and fulfil his purpose through them, if his son in country y exercises his free will to marry someone else or dies prematurely are we saying his daughther in country x will remain single indefinitely? I don’t think so. The world is a complex place now and if God shows you your spouse I don’t believe it’s right to only focus on that one person but be open to other relationships as well. While God may lead us to met people Marraige still needs to be worked on and whoever this person is that you are waiting to marry isn’t perfect. My advice is live your life to the full, give your heart to God, there is a purpose for being single and enjoy that season, Marraige is a different season but also a place of growth, stretching and dying to self. If God ‘speaks to your heart’ that a specific man is your spouse’ thank him for it and place that ‘prophecy’ back in his hands and go about your life and meet other people and don’t keep your life on hold. Many sisters I know are well into their 40s believing a certain guy was to be their husband. My best friend waited 10yrs for a guy and I waited unintentionally for 8yrs. Like someone said, God deals with us as individuals. I know a Christain couple who described in detail how God brought them two together. When I heard how they met I was blown away- they divorced after 10yrs of Marraige. Did God change his mind? People make choices and have the right to exercise their free will. You may feel that God is leading you to a specific guy but I would ask- is that really God or our flesh? We were created to find our completeness in Christ whether we are single or married. When we ache for something more than Christ we run the risk of getting hurt.

    • Stephanie says:

      Thanks for reading Kandice!

  37. Jennifer says:

    I just had to add my comment to this interesting topic. I have not read everyone’s comments yet but the few I have read I see a glimpse of my story too. God does speak to his children and we are privileged to know and discern his voice. As women, we crave for intimacy, hence our desire to one day meet our prince, settle down and raise a family- these are all healthy desires that I believe God puts in our hearts. The sad truth is that so many sister have literally kept their lives on ‘hold’ because they heard God’s voice telling them so and so is their spouse. It’s so heart breaking to see many beautiful sister clinging on to a supposed promise believing that a certain guy will one day marry them with devastating consequences. I really do not believe the Lord would do that to his children. He has given us the freedom to chose and I believe that if we keep Christ as the centre and focus of our lives he will guide us to make the right choice but will not keep his child ‘on hold’ while ‘working’ on someone else. We live in a strange world but we also serve an awesome God who created the entire world in 7days. If God (in his infinite plan) wills one of his daughters in country x to meet one of his sons in country y to meet, marry and fulfil his purpose through them, if his son in country y exercises his free will to marry someone else or dies prematurely are we saying his daughther in country x will remain single indefinitely? I don’t think so. The world is a complex place now and if God shows you your spouse I don’t believe it’s right to only focus on that one person but be open to other relationships as well. While God may lead us to meet people Marraige still needs to be worked on and whoever this person is that you are waiting to marry isn’t perfect. My advice is live your life to the full, give your heart to God, there is a purpose for being single and enjoy that season, Marraige is a different season but also a place of growth, stretching and dying to self. If God ‘speaks to your heart’ that a specific man is your spouse’ thank him for it and place that ‘prophecy’ back in his hands and go about your life and meet other people and don’t keep your life on hold. Many sisters I know are well into their 40s believing a certain guy was to be their husband. My best friend waited 10yrs for a guy and I waited unintentionally for 8yrs. Like someone said, God deals with us as individuals. I know a Christain couple who described in detail how God brought them two together. When I heard how they met I was blown away- they divorced after 10yrs of Marraige. Did God change his mind? NO, People make choices and have the right to exercise their free will. You may feel that God is leading you to a specific guy but I would ask- is that really God or our flesh? We were created to find our completeness in Christ whether we are single or married. When we ache for something more than Christ we run the risk of getting hurt.

    • Kandice says:

      Jennifer, that is a very good point. And I agree. That was really good! 🙂 Thank you for sharing! 🙂
      But One Main thing to understand that God is sooooo good!!!! He Loves talking to us and telling us of things to come!!!! That sometimes it is important for us to know who we are going to marry becasue we need to pray for them or becasue we think that we will never get merried or that we are about to marry the wrong person…. One of the things to understand it how many stories where people have heard form the Lord who they were going to marry and they did and they are still married to this day. My Cousins for example: One was going to Oral Roberts University and in the middle of her 3rd year God told her to go back home to California and she will meet this man (who will remain nameless). And this man was at Portland Oregon Bible College when God told him to go back to California and he will meet this Woman (Again nameless). And they have been married for 30 years! The thing is to not doubt God and to get conformation! I have had over 6 conformations about who I am going to Marry. And I do believe it! I do not have faith in this Man that God has chosen for me…. NO! I have Faith in my Jesus Christ!!! If I look to him and focus on him, God will bring my Future Hubby to me! Also we need to understand that this is War! I have been constantly praying that God would shield his eyes from other woman and that God would do the same for me! Do not underestimate the Power of Prayer! I Pray for Him all the time! And I rebuke whatever the devil would do to try and hinder/stop this from happening. And for me I do not fixate on him all the time… God
      Lastly, Never ever forget how HUGE God is!!! He can do anything he wants how ever he wants!! Yes, we have free will… But GOD IS IN CONTROL!! 🙂 Yes, men fail but I don’t have faith or Trust in men….. I have my Faith and Trust in My GOD alone!!! 🙂 Just something to think about.
      O and I won’t even tell you how both my Grandparents heard from God….. and never divorced…. 🙂

  38. Keisha says:

    I know I’m a latecomer to the conversation but just wanted to share what I’m faced with. I am currently engaged to a man that I love. He has a lot of wonderful qualities about him but he has an anger issue. When upset he can say some really hurtful things. Several people have spoken to me confirming that this relationship is of God. Our pastor has prophesied future ministry for us and stated that our coming together was ” the Lord’s doing.” With a wedding planned for the end of December I’m starting to feel very uneasy about my upcoming marriage. If I move forward I’m afraid I will be miserable but if I don’t marry him I’m afraid I’ll miss whatever blessing and ministry that may result from our union. I’ve been praying hard for direction but still haven’t heard from God…

  39. Pat says:

    I’m late reading this but enjoyed. I was searching. My story is that I prayed for a friend someone to go out with in July, 1975. In a dream, I saw a female showing me a man in a black n white picture. I met him through a female I met in October of 1975 and we married in 1976. Over the 24 years of discussing if we should stay together or not, he would say that he thought of me as a FRIEND. Well, I got what I prayed for. During the last years of our marriage, I dreamed a long dream of the man I would meet in the future, his family, etc. I have kept that in mind and prayed about it. As I grow closer to God, I want to discern and understand better. Your article was so helpful to me tonight. I met someone who I just believed for eight years was the one and figured he didn’t know it. I was wrong. I am a trusting Christian lady who is also human. Now as a Senior, I am thinking to just “let go & let God”. If it is meant to be it will. I wanted to be with that person-other half. I still would love that. Please keep me in prayer to stay strong and not yield to the temptation of someone who is not right. I met someone else who was very disrespectful and so different from me. I stopped seeing him. You meet people daily; however, it is important to meet the right one.

  40. Mariah says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I love that God allows us to experience Him to help others walk in truth. You are truly beautiful sister. ♥
    I, however, have had (still having) a very different experience. God has shared with me who my future husband will be, through prophetic dreams that I have very often (like everyday! Lol ) about many people. Altgough this is not common I have a close friend who is experiencing the samething and I know women who are married and have this testimony. (until this happened to me I had NEVER heard of such things) God can, will, and does speak this way. Personally, my situation requires a ton of hope, faith, faithfulness, prayer, Godly council, and trust. I’ve prayed so many times for God to make everything clear, only to have God grant me a settling peace and encourage me to trust Him in this as uncomfortale as its been . This definitely wasn’t what I had in mind but I have learned so much in the last 2 years that I wouldn’t change any of it. Its been rough but I look forward to the day when this promise will be full filled. (Free will is ours as humans, but God knows the beginning and the end of every story, which is why he can confidently make promises. Just as he did when he promised already inhabited land to the isrealites. ) Until then im all His (God’s) faithfully. He’s shown me some amazing things that God and I will do together in the mean time. Which im so excited about. Everything has its time and season. Our eyes have to remain on Him and trust that he won’t let us drown in the ocean. 🙂

    God speaks to everyone differently, because he made us all so different. Its the manifestation of His glorious beauty! ♥ This also just so happens to be the way God decided to challenge my faith the most.

    • Purpose says:

      Hi Mariah, your story is very interesting!!! Are you saying that God is showing you and your friend/other married women a future husband though you are married at present? Please clarify!

  41. chrissy says:

    So I finally came to the point of surrender in the area of my life. I basically gave up and just told God I can’t do it that He has to. That same month I got back involved with church and met who I honestly told myself was not the one. surprise. I had specifics I wanted in a Godly man just becuase I had always settled. This person did not have all those however over the past ten months has aquired them. Specific items that each time I’m just like Ok God. Best part I have known him for years! Never saw him in this way until God allowed it. Now I am at a point where I know God is still in control. I do believe he is the one but he is not ready. He has been through so much. My heart hurts because God has given me so much love for him and I know I am to wait. The Lord is my portion and I have fallen so mady deeply in love with Him. God is also teaching me that He comes first then that person same love just priority. The waiting is hard. I know though that my Savior is in control. I know he has the plan, He holds the future and I TRUST HIM.

  42. Felicia says:

    I know this post is sort of old but i searched for this online and stumbled on it. I’m in the same shoes and boy it’s rough! We all have goals, dreams, and oh that Godly man I’d end up with. Well thankfully this guy that I’ve known for a long time is who God has said. I have had my pastor pray with me, he’s prayed with his prayer partners, my mom has, and it’s still this same guy. He claims he loves me very much but his actions say the total opposite! I e questioned God sooooooo many times asking why He was doing that to me. I’ve tried loving or even liking this guy, but every time it gets harder! It doesn’t feel like he’s someone I’ve known for a long time, it feels like I’m dealing with an annoying stranger who I’m trying to avoid! It’s so so hard but I just keep praying, believing God and avoiding the topic of marriage, LOL

    • Stephanie May says:

      Hi Felicia. Thank you so much for reading, and for taking the time to share your story with me. I’d love to talk to you about it more if you’d like! My email is

      All my love!

    • Mia says:

      Hi Everyone,

      Previously I had tell my story by posting a comment several months ago. You can look for it on the beginning of the comments under Mia.

      Anyway, I am posting a website from ” Focus on the Family” and came across an article that i suggest everyone to read because of the grief we have gone through with past relationships the name of the article is called “Dealing With Romantic Regret” As I was reading through I felt the need to shared with all of you in hope to bring more understanding to each of us and off course depending each of our circumstances our stories are totally different. Yet, we have things in common and that is we all have lose that certain someone one way or another. I hope you get something out by reading it and may the holy spirit warm your heart with a message from the Lord.

      Here is the link again =-)

  43. Alison says:

    So is asking for signs or confirmations about whether your meant to be with someone a bad thing?

  44. Alison says:

    Does that mean that asking for signs or confirmation from God is a bad thing?

    • Kandice says:

      I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with Anything wrong with Asking our Wonderful/Loving Heavenly Father about your Future Hubby 🙂 He wants to talk with us and revile things to us! All we have to do is listen…. 🙂 Keep your Eyes and Ears Open!:)

    • Another Stephanie says:

      No…it’s not a bad thing, but also remain mindful of why you are asking. Is there confusion? Or has this relationship developed in such a way that you want to know what God thinks? I truly believe that God is desiring all future wives to be in relationship with Him first…and as such is the case, He loves when we seek Him, period, and allow him to direct our paths. I hope this helps, and in advance, I speak blessings over the union that our God has meticulously created for you, for such a time as this. 😉

      • Stephanie May says:

        I love this Stephanie. I feel like this is the very best reminder. Regardless of what our relationship status looks like—God wants us to be in such close, gorgeous relationship with him.

        I think that if we look to him, and really keep our eyes and ears open for what he’s doing in our lives, that we’ll end up where he wants us to be.

    • Stephanie May says:

      Hi Alison!
      Not at all. God is so good in confirming the tender and most important things in our lives. In my story, I was listening for confirmation and I think I honestly heard wrong. The other thing is that I was only listening, and not using any of my other ways of discerning what God was doing. It didn’t matter to me that the guy and I weren’t talking, or that things weren’t going well. There were lots of signs that were pointing in a direction of saying that God probably had something better for me, and I just wasn’t ready to listen. So definitely look for his confirmation–I just learned that it comes in many different forms. 🙂 Please feel free to email me if you want to talk about this more! I’d love it. 🙂 Stephanie (

  45. Hey. I understand how your feeling. about two years ago God came to me and told me that I would be moving to Germany because it was where I was needed and then he shows me the man I will be marrying and the kids I will be having. and so now in a year from now when I am 21 I will be married to the man God has promised me. and believe me I am a little scared of being right and being scared at being wrong. but God has made me believe just recently that what I have heard and have been hearing is true. we may not understand certain things. but we must wait on him and let God be God.

    there were times I had my doubts, still are sometimes but I never doubted that I would be going to Germany to live. sometimes Satan wants us to feel doubtful and in wonder and constantly questioning ourselves. he enjoys watching us suffer from trying to figure out things inside our heads. trying to make decisions and then the trouble gets to where we question God and decide to rebel and do our own things. that’s how Satan works. so I understand what you are going through sweetie.

    I`ll be praying for you,


  46. Katherine says:

    I am currently in a relationship with a good, good man! =) We are now dating for 7 months. I always second guess myself in everything major that I do in life. I worry that I don’t want to be the large percentage of people that get divorced. But then I have to consciously remember, my journey in life is to walk by faith, not by sight. I gotta have faith that God will see me through whatever decision I make. I know James 5:12 states to not be wishy-washy with your choices. Make up your mind, yes or no, and trust God will be there with you either way. Also, I look at this GOOD GOOD man I am dating, and I compare him to the fruits of the Spirit to evaluate if I am on the right track. “peace patience kindness gentleness, self control” and to love everyone they talk to even if they are the hardest to love. He holds all those qualities…through his relationships with his friends and family, through his finances, through how he treats me and through his every day choices. He is Lutheran. Which does not bother me because I believe in have the same basic fundamentals about Christ and we have that. I get my “confirmation” that I want to continue the relationship with him when I see all the things that remind me how God treats me! like a princess, a precious jewel! Everyone in my life supports our relationship, even my Strong godly man for a dad, except for a very good friend of mine. Knowing she doesn’t approve hurts me because my good friends approval means a lot to me, but I also stop to remember the relationship isn’t about me, her, and my guy. Its about me, God, and my guy……how he loves me and takes care of me. My friend has told her her reasons for disapproval, however I felt they were extreme. She felt he wasn’t “christian” enough or at all. But the bible, correct me if i am wrong, does not state to marry someone who is spiritually strong, but that he believes and loves God. Everyone has different walks and paces in their personal journey with Christ. He shows his character in the things he does and how he handles himself and our relationship. So, for me, I don’t feel I get the confirmation that that girls feel, “oh! he is the one for me” on their first or second date. For me, I can’t love or say that when I know nothing about someone in the first place. I get the confirmation when I see him and just know he is a very very good man and that I know I would be taken care of (and I am).


    • Katherine says:

      ….And right before I met him, I was have a very hard year. My mother passed away from brain cancer 6 months prior to meeting him. I sought the Lord in everything while she was sick and while I was grieving for her passing away. Someone told me once that you can’t find the “one” for you until you learn to be completely satisfied with God. and I believe that because I sought God through my hardest pain, he wanted to relieve me and bless me with something good, whether its for a season or a lifetime.

    • Stephanie May says:

      Oh girl, you’re speaking my language. I totally know what it feels like to have doubts and to second guess yourself. I’ve become a professional at it. But I found so much peace in the exact way that you described. When I looked at what God said his followers should look like, the fruit of the spirit, and what I know to be true about the character of God and Jesus, I saw all of those things reflected in my boyfriend’s (now fiancé’s) heart.

      God didn’t shout from the rooftops that I had to marry him, and he didn’t put a sticky note on his forehead that said “Stephanie’s Husband.” But he did send an absolutely wonderful man who brought out the best parts of me, and who I absolutely love with my whole heart.

      And so that’s why I kept going. We kept pursuing our relationship and it kept getting better and better, and although we’re totally imperfect, I know that God’s hand is really on us.

      There’s such pressure to get this sign from heaven, this almighty insurance policy that you’re not going to fall into the huge percentage of divorces, and that it’s all going to turn out perfectly.

      But I just don’t think that’s a prerequisite. We are not promised success, we aren’t promised perfection. We’re promised that God loves us and that he’s going to be with us no matter what.

      And so I think that that’s the promise we can stand on. And so as we remember that God loves us and is with us, and as we get to know his character more and more, and get closer to him, we can make the decision of who we want to spend the rest of our lives with. And I think that it’s totally, completely, wonderfully ok to do that without the clouds forming to spell his name, or a cosmic sticky note attaching to his forehead.

      Keep pursuing this relationship, and be you. And watch the man that he is. If you know God, you know what good looks like. So keep looking for that, and I think you’re going to be just fine.

      Absolutely send me an email if you’d like to talk about this more! I love your story already. 🙂 (

      Thanks so much for reading Katherine, and for sharing your story with me!

  47. DJ says:

    hello Stephanie do u still respond to ur emails?

  48. Stephanie May says:

    Yep! I do. Feel free to email me!

    • Sacha says:

      What a great article! Thanks Steph.
      I have a story similar to the article. In July 2007, i went to a conference, i stayed at a guess house for one week actually me and my group. Our first night there we went to the cafeteria for dinner, we saw 2 young men sitting on a table in front of us, but it didn’t mean anything to me. We were eating and one of them kept looking at me and he was talking to the other one, i still did not think about anything. After we’re done eating, we went back to our rooms. The next day on my way from the cafeteria, i saw him, and he said hi to me. Later on he saw me looking for flowers and he said can you give me these flowers and i said, not these ones, i will prepare some for you later. After dinner that evening it was so nice out we were all sitting outside reading, talking, playing etc.. After a while he came and sit a little bit close to me and he said “hi, why don’t you come and sit by me” I said well i am ok here, thanks. He said “come sit by me please i would like to talk to you” since he persisted i went and sat by him. Now, he introduced himself to me . He was a Med student, and he was doing his internship in a hospital close to the guess house, so he decided to live at the guess house. That evening we talked from 7 PM to 1 AM. He was the only one who talked, i was just listening, then i told him it is getting really late i better go to bed, and we called it a night. After that night, even if we saw each other we just said “hi”, we did not have time to talk again, because we were both busy and had different schedule. He knew we were leaving a Tuesday morning, so on Monday during lunch time he tried to find me, he could not and he saw someone in my team and asked him to go find me for him and the guy did. When i came to him and he said “I know you are leaving tomorrow, here is my phone number and he took mine too”. Since then we kept in touch.
      Now let me tell you guys what i saw on the day we talked for 6 hours, he was talking about his life telling me story about Med school, his love life etc.. me i was dreaming, i saw 2 kids playing around us calling us mommy and daddy. I couldn’t believe it, because i didn’t know him yet, and i felt nothing for him.
      After 2 months texting, talking on the phone we finally went on a date and we dated for a good 3 years. While dating he told me that the first day he saw me in the cafeteria he told his friend “You see this girl, i will tell her something and she should be my wife”. And he said “I was always looking at you through my window” The building he was in was in front of mine, his window faced my door, but i had no idea i would date that guy. When he told me those things, I was like, really! I had no idea that something like that could happen. The story does not end here.
      At that time i was in college in a state and he was in another one doing residency. Seeing each other was always a sacrifice, when i had time he didn’t. When he did, i didn’t. One day he called me and he asked me to marry him, but i wanted to finish college first, so i was not up to that. A year later he cheated on me, so we broke up. Now, it has been 4 years, i never found anybody i like, like him, it’s hard for me to date. I dated someone from August 2013 to November. I dated him, not because i loved him, i just because i wanted to move on with my life after 4 years, but I could not handle him for longer. Now, here is the deal, my ex boyfriend cheated on me and got a girl pregnant, now he has a 3 years old son. He did not marry the girl. He is single now, and i am too. There is no way we can be together again, forever. However, we are still friends, we talk all the time, we don’t see each other, he calls me anytime. Last time he was describing his wife to me, and i said well, i have all those things and he said “yes, i know, hummm”. I think he regrets me, but i don’t. If we were meant to be, we would have. It is done now!
      What i am saying is this, I saw our kids, and i saw a lot of other things that showed me he was the one, but he was not.
      I met a cute guy right after i broke up with the guy back in November. He is my type, with one thing missing, he is not a church person, and i am, so he feels like he doesn’t deserve someone like me. I feel like i could love him the way i loved the boyfriend i had 4 yers ago, but i am not sure God wants me to date him.
      He is not the right one for me, i can tell even though he has 99% of the qualities that i am looking for in a man.

      This morning i decided to wait for God to send me the right one, and i was online looking for a verse, instead of the verse i found your article. There might be a great reason for that.
      I will wait while looking :). I know God has a big plan for me, and i don’t want to mess up my life. I will have a bright future with the right husband!

      Thanks again, Stephanie!

      • Jenny says:

        Hi Sasha

        Your story caught my attention and I felt compelled to respond, typically I would not. If you are born again believe of Jesus Chris and believe that God’s word is the final autshority then you will know that God’s gifts and calling are without repentance in other words when God gives us a gift he doesn’t change his mind. If God gave your ex to you all the years ago I don’t believe he has changed his mind simply because your ex now has a child by another woman. It was YOU he proposed marriage to not her despite the fact that she has a son for him. Please prayerfully consider this and don’t let the fact that a child is now in the picture ruin the wonderful marraige God has intended for you. The fact that you are both single and still in contact is a blessing one which you must take advantage of. I am sure as you seek God’s wisdom in this matter and not allow the fact that he cheated on you after you turned down his marraige proposal stand in the way. I am sure with God’s help you both can work past that issue and who knows you may end up being a wonderful step mum to this little boy. The fact that you have dated other guys and still not have the same peace or connection you have with your ex may be a indication that you are trying to find a spouse for your self when God has already given you one. As far as God is concerned he has done is part and it’s now up to you. I really hope your prayerfully consider this.

        • purpose says:

          God is the ultimate match maker, and the best too!

          • Another Stephanie says:

            Purpose…your words give life! Please contact me directly: hello(at)loveandliferadio(dot)com…

        • Katie says:

          Hey Stephanie,

          I was curious if you are planning on writing a response to these comments in another blog or post perhaps. I loved your original article but see the replies of a bunch of confused women underneath. Frankly, as both a logical and believing person, some of the things people have said in these comments are troubling. It would seem as if lots of people are listening to any sort of voice without distinguishing whether it’s truly God’s. I happen to think that God can work in whatever way he chooses but instead of deriving comfort from your article about being able to choose a partner and be chosen by someone without having a Devine and straight-to-the-point/name-flash-through-your-mind message from the Lord, many of these women are struggling with voices they think they’ve heard are or still waiting to hear.

          Perhaps you might be willing to write another post to clarify? It seems as if many people on this comment board would benefit!

          PS. Loved your original article and I agree with you!!

  49. Kaitlin says:


    Thanks so much for this blog post. I went through a broken engagement three years ago that I was certain was leading to marriage (I mean, obviously, because we were engaged). The relationship lasted several years and was more rooted in idolatry of each other than love. It was completely devastating when it ended a few months before our wedding. Now, I am dating a wonderful, godly man who loves me in a way that reminds me how to Lord loves me. I am blown away by how he treats me and desire greatly for this man to be my future husband. I am, however, finding that there are a lot of leftover wounds from that relationship, and the thought of getting married terrifies me because I thought I knew before but would have made a huge mistake. I read a book by Kevin DeYoung called, “Just Do Something,” that really helped me understand the freedom that God gives in making decisions, even big ones like marriage or career. I’m beginning to understand that God is much more concerned with HOW I love my life (my holiness) over the decisions I make (unless they are sinful ones.) The reality is though, that it is incredibly hard for me to believe this sometimes. Sometimes, I live in complete joy knowing that the relationship I am in now leads me closer to the Lord and allows me to love the Lord more, and then there are other times that I am just plain terrified to take a step toward marriage.

  50. Eric says:

    A woman who is Christian, (and who put up with an ungodly husband for many years) told her husband, that she believed God had told her, she would be married to another man. She believed God pointed this man out, (who also was married) and she was very struck by this “experience” that she was confident she had been given a promise of God. We are drawn away by our own lusts.

  51. Sacha says:

    Guess= guest
    Don’t look at my grammar mistakes lol 🙂

  52. Renee says:

    I’m kind of late to this, but like a few other commenters I have the same thing. I am in a relationship with a wonderful christian guy. We’ve both discussed marriage and already know that we will get married when the time is right. But I’m constantly wondering does God choose or picks our mates and if God does what if this isn’t the person he’s picked out for me? I’m a extreme over-thinker so I wonder what if I marry this guy and God wanted someone else for me will God even count this marriage as valid or even worse will God consider this marriage as adultery (which I’ve hear someone say before). These kinds of thoughts make me miss out on fully enjoying my relationship with this guy who I love so much and want as a husband. Also, do you think God will reveal someone’s husband to someone else? My mother is convinced that God told her this guy at church is the person my sister will marry. I find it odd that God would bypass my sister and tell my mother without telling my sister. Anyways thanks for reading 🙂

  53. Purpose says:

    Hi Stephanie, I read your article and the other posts, but I must say that I not in total agreement with you. I believe that God has a plan and purpose for our lives and as such, He knows who and what will fit into that purpose. If God tells you whom to marry or vice-versa, it is not about force or wanting the person to choose you of their own will. I believe the God who reveals secrets will also prepare hearts to accept it. God does tell people who to marry, in my case, HE DID! and just as He told me, it happened. We are now married over a decade with wonderful kids. We must be also aware that there are many voices out there, so we must seek verification. The God who calls will enable. He prepares hearts, and its a lovely preparation too. I want God to choose for me, I know it will be the best!

    • A says:

      How did God tell you that this was the man you were going to marry? did he give you some kind of sign? were you dating him at the time God confirmed that he was going to be the one?

      • Stephanie May says:

        Hi there! I thought I saw his face flash in my mind. We had just broken up because I was traveling the world. But again — I ended up being wrong.

        • Kandice says:

          One thing we all need to Remember is that God is such a Wonderful and Loving Abba!:) And he knows us better than we will ever know ourselves!!!:) And since he knows us…. He knows exactly who we are going to Marry!:) We should let God out our little Boxes thinking that he can’t talk to us about certain things like Who we are going to Marry. God can and has reviled stuff like that to Many men and Women. Does that mean the Marriage will be Perfect and all Hearts and Roses? Of course not! That just means that since that marriage was ordained and planed by our Wonderful Savior Jesus Christ, it’s going to be a Battle. Will there be more Good times then bad? O you know it!!:) But I still pray and ask God to Come into my Future Marriage right now!!!
          Please never underestimate what God Can do!!:) He wants to talk to all of us! And revile things to us!! It’s just we are the ones not listening…. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the Talker… Just us listeners…
          Ask The Lord to Revile himself to you and watch him tell you things that you didn’t even imagine!!!!!!!!:)
          The Lord told me a about my Future Hubby because I was about to Give up completely because my dad and Brother really suck at being Men in my life…. And God wanted me to know that my Hubby is nothing like them!!!!:) It gave me Hope!:)
          But more importantly… God is my ultimate Love of my life!! He loves talking to me about my life and what he wants to do with it!!:) All I have to do is Listen!:) And Watch what my wonderful Prince do what he does best!!:) And just Trust in his Amazing Love and Goodness!!:)
          Try it!:)

          • A says:

            However, in some cases, satan loves to interfere at times and disguise himself as God by sending false deceptive signs that may lead to a lot of confusion and despair. In my case, I’m not sure if you read my experience that I posted above, I had asked God to show me who I was going to marry, and a person whom I haven’t seen since high school which was ages ago ,popped into my mind. I have to admit I was really upset, and I’m still very much upset about it- almost to the point where I feel like it ruins my entire life due to the fact that I am not attracted to this person whatsoever, and the thought of ending up with him is depressing. |In addition to that, this person is married, but for whatever reason I just can’t seem to find any comfort in that. Most people who have had the ACTUAL experience of hearing God’s voice or receiving a sign from him, , described of having this sense of peace. I on the other hand, didn’t feel that- therefore, I’m inclined to believe that if God knew that this revelation was going to bring me great sorrow and frustration, He would have never revealed that to me. Stephanie raises many good points like for instance when she states that God doesn’t play matchmaker before hand, and that we shouldn’t expect Him to reveal our future to us because all too often we may end up confusing his voice and His signs with that of the enemy, or our own brains can play little tricks on us. I’ve always believed that in every event, there is always a biological explanation to everything as well, BUT that does not mean that |I exclude the fact that God can talk to us and reveal things to us, but on his own timing, not when we ask Him to on the spot like in my case. It’s a very complex situation and there’s no specific formula to this, but the only thing that I can say about this is to pray, more specifically- pray for the ability to hear God’s voice, so that we would able to distinguish His voice from the enemy and our own as well.

          • Kandice says:

            Thank you for your response. And I understand Perfectly where you are coming from. For me I asked to know who my Husband was 2 1/2 years before I heard anything from The Lord. And please remember that you know that The Lord is talking to you when you feel Peace about what you are hearing. God really does love to revile him self to us because he is that Good!:) We need to Stop underestimating what God can and what he can tell us!!:)
            God is the Best Matchmaker I know!!:) Look at Adom and Eve!:)
            Abraham and Sarah!:) O Hello!!! Ruth and Boaz!!!!:)
            Something else to remember that’s it’s important to get conformation. I have had 5 different conformations.
            I know this is The Lord and I know it will Happen!:) Keep talkin to Jesus 🙂 And he will talk back!:)

        • purpose says:

          Stephanie I would like to caution you about this article and your views on the matter. Please, please be very careful that you do NOT discourage others with yours views on the matter. There are many women who look up to you and your views, please ensure that it is from the Word of God and not your own views, because it did not work out for you – and I’m not sure it hasn’t. The Word says, you will hear a voice behind you saying this is the way, walk ye in it! Isa. 30:21. We talk about free will, but once we are surrendered to Christ, His will becomes ours. Did God take away Abraham’s will, or Esther or Ruth? No, he who began a good work in you will be able to complete it!

          God will give us the desires of our hearts, but those hearts must be surrendered to His will, for the heart is deceptive and wicked. I cannot see the future, and want I want today maybe the worst thing for me tomorrow! God’s purpose for us will be accomplished in the believer’s life, and we would want it too. What choice can we make apart from Him. It is He who places desires in our hearts anyway to lead us to our purpose.

          Yes God still tells us whom we are to marry, in one way or another. A thousand times yes! Wait and see! God has revealed lots of things to His people, not only marriage but jobs, ministry, homes, etc. Did He take away there free will! A believer has NO free will. Every thought and imagination must be surrendered to His will.

          • A says:

            Yes, I agree with you on that but you can’t leave out the fact that satan or our own minds can play nasty little tricks on us, so we have to be very careful about how we perceive the things that we think we may see or hear because ultimately it could lead to confusion and a lack of faith in God if it ends up being the total opposite of what we hoped for or not hoped for. I’m a perfect example of that.

      • purpose says:

        Through dreams, His Word, numerous incidents, a friend. I wasn’t dating him, nor was I interested in Him. He was studying to become a Minister of the gospel and I was on a whole different platform. He told me and it came to pass. He reveals secrets.

    • Liv says:

      I agree with you. The Lord has a plan for our lives and that includes who we are to become one with. I also believe as women we can heal a false yes to a lot of things because the Lord doesn’t always answer us. So we want something bad enough we mistakenly hear a yes. It was all planned and predestined. Just because you heard wrong means just that…you heard wrong.

  54. A says:

    Great article. I like how you mention that God doesn’t play matchmaker before hand, letting you know who you are supposed to marry. If anything it’s best to keep that window closed, and I say this because I’m currently dealing with a situation in which two years ago I had asked God to show me who I’m supposed to marry and immediately a guy’s name flashed into my mind. This person and I went to the same high school but we never interacted and I was never into him, so I found it scary that a person’s name, someone whom I haven’t even thought of in ages would pop into my head. If you were to ask me whether I felt joy over this, I in fact did not, quite the opposite actually. It’s something that’s been bothering for awhile since that experience. I feel depressed and angry about it because I feel like I was stripped of that hope that I would end up with someone else. It almost feels like I’m being forced to wait for this person that I’m not even remotely attracted to. I had envisioned another person for myself whom I can spend the rest of my life with. Anyways, I decided to do some digging on this person to see if he was married, and sure enough I found him on FB and I got so happy when I found out that he actually had gotten married. I felt overjoyed in that moment, but all that joy died down because a new thought creeped into my mind, “what if their marriage doesn’t last or something and I still have to end up with this person sometime in the future?” I know this sounds messed up but it really did happen, me making the mistake of asking God to show me name of someone that I’m supposed to marry only because I read up on someone else’s experience that they themselves had asked God to show them who they are supposed to marry and it turned out that she did end up with that person. At this point, I’m feeling confused and upset because I feel like I no longer have that choice and the liberty to pray for a future husband. That being said, here’s a quote to live by for those women out there that feel the need to ask God to show them who they are supposed to be married to: “Such certainty is beautiful, but uncertainty is more beautiful still.” Keep that window closed, and just ask the Lord that he will bring you a loving and caring husband without asking for an identification.

    • Stephanie May says:

      You articulated so well my heart here. Beautiful points, and exactly how I see it too. I didn’t end up with the guy who I thought I had heard. And I’m engaged to a man who is so much better suited for me — one who fits me like a glove, and who I am absolutely SO excited to spend the rest of my life with. 🙂

      • A says:

        Stephanie, I am very happy to hear that you’ve finally found the one. I wish you the very best and may God bless your path to marriage with this man.

    • purpose says:

      To each his own. One person’s experience will not be that of another! We cannot dictate to God how to respond. our duty is to ask in faith, His is to answer as he deems fit. If He chooses to tell you a name, give you a time, show you a picture of that person, it is still His choosing to do that. Our paths and experiences are all different. Wouldn’t it be boring if we all had the same testimony. God’s ultimate purpose is to draw us close to Himself so that we can be a blessing to others! His ways cannot fit into our boxed in thinking.
      My advice to all would be to seek God, let him do the answering in His way, and when the answer comes, trust Him and allow Him to guide. We have the mind of Christ. that mind will lead us into ALL truth!!

    • KmK says:

      It was not God. Be free

  55. purpose says:

    I feel strongly about this so I am writing again. There is too much”I’s” in these posts. I cannot see this ever happening, I don’t think, I think I was wrong etc. Who are we really? Do you know what will happen in the next minute or second. The problem with us is that we think too much. We judge our reality by what we see, and if it looks impossible or unsuitable at the moment, we are ready to discard it. We need to start viewing things from God’s perspective. My thoughts are higher than yours says God. In a moment a situation can change. Stop viewing God from our fleshly perspective which can only see facts and start looking at Him through the eyes of the spirit that is in us, which sees by faith. When God revealed my future husband to me, he was in a committed relationship – that’s the fact BUT the truth is that God knew in time it would end, and it did. Now we are married! Start looking with different eyes, and behold the great things God has for us!

  56. Katie says:

    Hey Stephanie,

    I was curious if you are planning on writing a response to these comments in another blog or post perhaps. I loved your original article but see the replies of a bunch of confused women underneath. Frankly, as both a logical and believing person, some of the things people have said in these comments are troubling. It would seem as if lots of people are listening to any sort of voice without distinguishing whether it’s truly God’s. I happen to think that God can work in whatever way he chooses but instead of deriving comfort from your article about being able to choose a partner and be chosen by someone without having a Devine and straight-to-the-point/name-flash-through-your-mind message from the Lord, many of these women are struggling with voices they think they’ve heard are or still waiting to hear.

    Perhaps you might be willing to write another post to clarify? It seems as if many people on this comment board would benefit!

    PS. Loved your original article and I agree with you!!

  57. I am a 16 year old guy. I think about this a lot for some reason. I can’t wait to find Her, whoever she is.

  58. Vertrice says:

    Father I PRAISE YOU and thank you for it all.

    Stephanie, I prayed and asked God to reveal to me my husband and he did, and he also included that he knows about me. So I was having a conversation with him by way of text and I brought it up which I very much regret, but the way I brought I asked him, “Has God revealed to you the reason he sent me to your church (He is the Pastor). which I should not have done this and I repent, Father, I repent to you for trying to control the situation, please forgive me, teach me how to let go and let you, (sighing). So right back to it he text me back and says yes he has, so i dive in on him, (hitting myself on the temple of my head with my palm, repeatedly, not literally, but shaking my head feeling so foolish), he tells me that he is going to call me later so we can talk about it, but he never calls, now my feelings are hurt. I’m left wondering what’s up? I messed up really bad and i’m really in a place of shutting down and wanting to guard my heart. I want to always be able to express the love of JESUS, who lives in the center core of my heart, but i’m really becoming frustrated at him, but not wanting to judge him, plus its my fault I feel the very reason i’m in this crazy place. Just need some encouragement from a true Woman of God? I know that I had no right.

    • Stephanie May says:

      Oh girl, I feel for you. This is such a tough situation, and I can imagine that you’re frustrated, and wondering, and confused all at the same time. Here’s the thing—give yourself grace. It’s ok that you were excited, it’s ok that you jumped the gun. God is so much bigger than mistakes and impatience, and beating yourself up about it wont help a thing. Give him time. Let him process and come to you. Continue living your life, and doing the work that God has set in front of you. This isn’t yours to control, it’s not yours to plan. Let this man process and speak to the Lord himself. If you trust this man to be hearing from God, and if you trust the Lord, then you have absolutely no reason to think that you’re going to be just fine. 🙂 But don’t dwell on this. Because there are so many important things for you to be doing right now. There are so many people that need love, and help, and your prayers—focus on them. Let God handle the rest. But above all, give yourself some grace. It’s ok. It really is ok.

    • purpose says:

      Dear Vertrice, I believe that everything happens for a purpose, nothing is by accident! I say this because at present I have a friend who is in the same situation as you – she also believed that God showed her who her husband would be and that he knows! She went on ahead and confronted him and now he has not responded as he said he would. Needless to say, she is feeling a bit embarrassed and foolish. I will share with you the same things I shared with her.
      1. God is in control. He has a purpose for our lives and nothing can thwart that plan that he has for us- even if it is our own selves that get in the way. NOTHING will change what God has said will come to pass. If it wasn’t going to come to pass, it would not of been said. God said it, knowing all the circumstances that would occur- you contacting him- but he said it anyway.
      2. Once you are certain that this is from God, hold tight and allow him to do the navigation. He will orchestrate events in His own timing.
      3. Sometimes God wants us to be still, sometimes he wants us to act. Judging from what you said, it seems as though you stepped out of line and acted when you should of been still. How many of us can testify that we have done that a time or two in our excitement. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Look at it from this point of view, you believed God so much that you stepped out in faith. The problem it seems has to do with his response or lack thereof. Don’t let his actions or lack of it dictate how you feel or make you second guess. Give him time, this is a huge step of faith. Let the man of God have his time to sort himself out with his God.
      4. Keep trusting in God and believing in Him and stop allowing your emotions to get the better of you. YOU ARE A FAITHFUL WOMAM OF GOD WHO BELIEVED WHAT GOD TOLD HER AND STEPPED OUT IN FAITH. Do not believe the lies of the enemy. God will work things out in His own time and way.
      5. Let me let you in on a little secret – when God told me about my future husband some 15 years ago, I too stepped out in faith, he didn’t respond as I had expected and I was embarrassed. what I didn’t know was that during the silent times, God was busy working on him and in God’s timing everything was revealed. We are still married today.
      6. Once you are confident that it was God speaking to you, hold tight, keep the faith, get busy preparing yourself, focus on what lies in your path to do and wait and see the salvation of your God.

  59. Lauren says:

    This is so beautifully written, but more importantly, exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for recharging my battery!

  60. Katie says:

    Very good encouragement to women!! Thank you so much for writing and posting! It is such a hard thing to do sometimes to surrender ALL of myself to God. All my expectations,desires, dreams. When things don’t make sense or unfold the way I thought it would, it’s better to continuing loving The Lord. I am seeking God to let go rather than hold on to unanswered questions.

    I too have had an experience where I felt as if God had shown me someone! But God didn’t say I was going to marry him or not. This man from my past appeared in a dream last year and it was so short but vivid. We are kind of distant in each others lives, he does not live in the same state, at one point he did, and I know he desires to live here again…I just don’t know when. I can’t do anything about it because we are just distant friends and I have no idea what he thinks about me. Probably nothing. The one thing that puzzles me is that I had the dream around a time when I was trying to get over a short relationship. All I was thinking about was that guy and in no way was the person in my dream on my mind. No convos before that either. It was just so random it had to be God. We’ve had contact since the dream but well nothing’s happened that indicates anykind of reciprication of more than just distant friends. So I really have to let it go and not continue dreaming in the thought of what I think he represents. I haven’t recieved a yes or a no from God, so I have to let go.
    Maybe in time but I know God has things for me to do for Him right now that requires my full attention. I’d hate to be disappointed by my thoughts. That’s why I love what you wrote! Thank you for voicing out about it being a surprise. I’m sure I would appreciate not knowing either 🙂
    Thanks for listening. Looking forward to see your book come out this summer, whatever wisdom it concerns.

  61. Fred says:

    I am in agreement with you about God not telling us who to marry. There are only really three times in scripture that this happens. 1 – Adam and Eve (technically) 2- Hosea and Gomer (used to be a representation of God’s grace to us) and 3- Joseph and Mary…

    That said, I am in such a state of confusion. I prayed and believed God lead my ex gf and I together. We both prayed that night while surfing a Christian dating site and both tired of being lonely, that God’s will for us would be the next person who contacted us…We were the next person for each other. That alone was not nearly enough for me to believe we were “meant for one another”. But we prayed that same night that if God’s will was for us to be together the next day at church He would give us the same exact word to confirm it. It happened. The next day at each of our respective churches someone gave us each the same one word…It was “RELAX”. We tried todo this as we slowly got to know one another, but we fell in love quickly, and as this was a long distance relationship, we found ourselves getting restless and in fact not at all relaxing in God to open the doors in His timing, but rather often hoping and then getting frustrated when God didn’t open the doors for us. This caused me (and her I am sure) to doubt whether I had indeed heard God say this is your wife. So one day when we were chatting on yahoo messenger, my phone battery died so before it did I let her go and put the touch screen phone in my pocket with the dead battery. Immediately, my heart began to get heavy with missing her, and I prayed a simple prayer: “God I miss her”. Instantly, I heard a sound coming from the pocket my phone was in. I pulled out my phone and somehow in my pocket on a dead battery the phone had unlocked with the screen pattern, accessed youtube, and began playing a video of a sermon so that as soon as I took the phone out of my pocket I heard the youtube Pastor say this: “Like Daniel, God heard you the moment you prayed the prayer and an angel was dispatched, but it has been delayed.” The video was exactly 6:48 long and as soon as the entire sermon had played the phone died. As amazing as this is in and of itself, it gets even crazier. See, I go to a fairly big church, and had never mentioned the doubts and fears and worries my ex gf and I were dealing with, but the following week in the second service of our Sunday service, the Pastor got up after the second worship song and said this: “I didn’t say this in the first service, but someone needs to hear this: Like Daniel, God heard you the moment you prayed the prayer and an angel was dispatched, but it has been delayed.” He went on to give the same dissertation almost word for word that the youtube Pastor had given a week before on my dead phone. He started to turn around to walk off the stage then he turned back and said “So just relax”.

    I said all that as amazing as it is to say this: my faith immediately grew and that was it, it was settled in my mind that God had spoken and said this was my wife, but when I told her about it she didn’t really receive it. In fact nothing changed as far as her doubts and fears. I then started to ask God why her. (I said this was a long distance relationship, the truth is that is an understatement…She lives in the Philippines and I live in America) One day while at church during worship God (at least I believe it to have been his voice) said The reason I picked her was…_________ And He revealed to me the destiny and calling He was going to do in our lives as husband and wife…I would not have picked that particular calling or area of ministry…not if I had created a list of the top 100 areas of ministry I would like to do.

    So in conclusion…I am so confused because although I have been to the Philippines and we actually met on Valentine’s Day (which I had also prayed as a confirmational sign that indeed came to pass) and I ended up proposing to her, we have since broken up, and haven’t spoken for almost a year now…I moved on after a while though it took about three or four months to get over the love I felt for her. I was even beginning to get involved with abother Christian girl when she said while chatting one day that I should wait for God to open the door for my ex and I to get back together…that threw me for a loop and so I began to pray about it…after that girl gave me that word, I literally got 15 confirmational words in a row from all different sources saying our marriage was going to be restored…the last confirmation came in February, but nothing is happening that I can see…in fact although I have not tried to contact her, she blocked my Facebook and yahoomail…Some of her friends unfreinded me after posting comments on facebook about the hope filled confirmational words I had gotten lately…

    So as long winded and wordy as this comment was…my point is this…
    What if God does tell you who you are going to marry, then one of you chooses to not receive it?
    Did I miss God? Did she? Was she just not ready to hear the confirmation? Did our sin disqualify us? If it was God’s will, do we still have to obey it, or does God speak from a position where He knows the future and gave the promise then knowing that “ONE DAY” this was going to happen? And where is God’s voice in all of this and His peace? Thanks if you chose to read all of this…God Bless!!!

    • Another Stephanie says:

      Fred…your story is wonderful! We must wait on God’s timing. I am in a similar situation, and we too, have broken up and even stopped communicating. But God’s not slack of His promises a. If God said it He will perform it, even if one party “pulls a Jonah.” Turn your eyes to God so you’re heart may be prepared and eventually this relationship may be restored according to His Divine plan.

      Trust Him even when it seems that all is lost. Our God is faithful!

  62. Fred says:

    As an additional note…last night I put the first lengthy comment explaining a bit of my story, but then fell asleep last night with the TV on tuned to Daystar the Christian network (NOT ON PURPOSE EITHER LOL) Then I “randomly” woke up at 4:40 am to hear TD Jakes on tv saying “If God gave you a promise hold on to that promise until you see it manifested. This is your year for it to come to pass”….

    • Purpose says:

      Hi Fred, what a wonderful testimony! Two things I want to remind you of- facts and truth. Facts are perceived by our five senses and can always change. Truth however, is what God says about us or our situations through His Word etc. Truth is eternal. The challenge we have, is that, we tend to lean heavily upon our five senses when approaching Spirit things. We can never find the truth about anything if we rely on our flesh or Adamic selves. The mind cannot understand the things of God. In your case, the fact is that you have broken up, but what is the truth? What did God say to you in His word, through His servants etc. That my friend is what you have to hold on to, not the deception of what our five senses tell us. Trust His words to you, trust the confirmations and relax. The truth will set you free, the truth can never lie no matter what the facts say. God said it, you must believe it. He is truth.

      God told Sarah that she would have a baby! The fact was that she was barren! All her five senses confirmed that, not only was she barren in her old age, she was barren in her youth – fact. How impossible is this great God we serve. He discounted the facts, and the truth manifested itself. Don’t rely on facts, they can change with one glance from the Master, set your faith on the Truth!

      • Purpose says:

        Let me just add this note Fred. We forget that when God tells us something, He already knows the whole picture. When God showed Joseph the various dreams, was He taken aback when he was thrown in the pit etc. No!!!!! When God tells us things, He may not choose to give us a ball by ball about how it is going to work out, He sometimes just skips through the messy stuff and presents the end. We now have to trust! Trust Him!!! Trust that He who said it knew all that would happen, but he still said it. There are so many experiences I can share with you about sifting through the messy stuff and presenting the end, maybe one day. For now, just trust!

        • jenny says:

          it’s been almost 1 year that i have recurrent dreams about saints and god telling me the same end over n over again but in different’s always the same story which is me coming bk with my ex which in my situation now seems impossible.we broke up over a year ago and there’s no contact between us and i think hes seeing someone.but my dreams tht have always the same words and msg makes me wonder and makes me confused. i dont know what does it means.. wish i know..

          • aNGEL says:

            Hope you’re still not confused. A few twists and turns happened when I finally decided to contact my ex–after five years of not talking to him. He must’ve been shocked that I contacted him out of the blue. The point was, if God promised him to you, God was preparing both him and you. Relax. Have faith in God. Enjoy yourself. I should be saying these things to myself, too. Nevertheless, if God shows you the signs for the two of you to be together, it could mean that he’s not ready yet. Or that you’re not ready.

            The point was, I remember meeting my ex for the first time. I was thirteen and I had a huge crush on someone and I thought I was going to marry my crush. I was so desperate for confirmation that I told God that the first person I saw wearing green that comes in at a certain door before a specific time is going to be my husband and the father of my children. I was hoping that it would be my crush. Still, it turned out to be this new person I had never even met (and I found him so ugly that I was questioning God’s judgment). Fast forward, a year later, he became my first boyfriend. I received more signs after that that I had stopped asking for more signs now. I know and I believe that it’s the case.

            I was stubborn. I asked for signs but I didn’t let God take care of everything. I held on to him even though at the time, I knew I should break up with him. It wasn’t working for both of us. Still, when he finally broke up with me, I got so angry I burned all the things he had given me. That included the very first card he had ever given me–his heart being given in it. I burned everything to a crisp. Still, this card with his heart somehow remained intact. Nevertheless, I threw it away. I figured I wasn’t going to get back with him.

            I tried moving on. I enjoyed my life. Spent time with my friends and eventually found myself infatuated with someone else. I asked God to bring the person I was infatuated with together with me. It didn’t happen. Because of a series of things, we weren’t even in contact with anymore. So, I tried moving on with another man. It turned out that he was married (it was a good thing I knew about this right before I started a relationship with this man). God did not permit those relationships to blossom at all.

            At this point in time, I was so desperate that I needed a friend who wouldn’t judge me. I needed someone who made plenty of bad choices. Guess who I called? My ex against my better judgment. I didn’t know if he’s married or single (I found out later he’s actually single). Nevertheless, I called him. He just told me to not worry over them. That did make me feel better. Still, it was nice to talk to him again. Recently, we talk about getting back together–he brought it up. However, I know I needed God to take care of it. We’re not living a godly life when dealing with each other and I didn’t know what to do so I prayed.

            In that instance, my ex said he wasn’t ready for me. I was angry. Nevertheless, it was an answer to my prayer. He didn’t say no. He said not yet. It meant that we won’t be committing sin. It hurts but I don’t mind. I somehow understand God’s logic. If I want a godly relationship, God needed to change his heart first.

            The point was, the reason why your ex is not trying to get back with you is because God was working on the people He intended for us to marry so that they’ll be perfect for us.

            The wait is so agonizing and at this point, I was now asking God what’s taking Him so long but I know I have to trust. I have to wait. I couldn’t be with anybody else because I was subconsciously waiting for him (the moment I started contacting him I realize that it’s the case). Still, I’m open to other possibilities.

            I figured that if I stepped ahead of God’s plan, I would be more miserable than I am now. I did experience it before. Right now, I know God is working to bringing us together but I’m in agony. I couldn’t be with him at the moment but at the same time, I knew what God told me. It was hard to wait but if he’s who God promised you to be with, don’t be surprised if he contacted you out of the blue. I know I did. Just let it go and let God take care of the situation for you. Enjoy your life. Live. Have faith. Be happy. God’s already working on bringing the two of you together again.

        • Fred says:

          Thank you Purpose for your comments…Truthfully I shouldn’t need any more “confirmations”, but check this out: Just today I went to work kind of sick and was thinking I might stay, but then I went home sick. I live 40 minutes plus away from my work, and stopped to get gas and a little breakfast, by the time I got home I turned on Daystar again and Jerry Savelle’s daughter was on there saying: That promise that God gave you for restoration of your marriage, hold on to it, but even more than that fight for it…Ok God…

          I think two things really sum this season of my life up:

          1-I have tended to be a doubter and allowed fear to run rampant in my life instead of faith and like you said Purpose: fear is fact based (or based in the natural world connected with our emotions) but faith is truth based (based on the supernatural abilities of God). See God has given me this revelation previously and I will now share it here:

          Fear is actually faith in the negative! What I mean is this: Fear and faith operate the same according to the principles of God. Imagine faith being represented by a number line where the number zero is neither faith nor fear…Fear is faith in the negative (it is belief in the natural, or even perhaps lies of the enemy) but due to the principles of God it works the exact same as faith so that faith in the lies of the enemy, our circumstances, or what we can see in the natural brings the fruit of that faith in reverse…

          But back to the number line. Faith is positive on that number line. It is belief in the SUPERNATURAL, belief in the power of what God said and what God can do (which is all things) and…

          2- The calling I mentioned in my above comment is world changing and it is going to take much more faith than I am currently walking in at this present time…The reason I didn’t mention it here is quite frankly that when God revealed it to me He said I could tell three people about it and mentioned by name those three people I was allowed to share it with. I disobeyed and told more than that, and without fail no one other than the three He showed me received it. In fact, my ex gf was not one of the three and she totally did not at all receive it, but the three people who God mentioned received it immediately and immediately prayed for and began believing it for me.

          • Fred says:

            I have an update for what its worth to my situation of me waiting for my engagement to be restored. In August of this year God spoke five times and said “You are closer than you think” Then I felt God in His still small voice say “she is going to contact you.” This is significant because over a year ago, in September of last year, was the last time we had spoken and she said don’t speak to me anymore, its over, and then she blocked me on Facebook yahoo messenger etc. Then what do you know, out of the blue in November of this year she contacted me again. We chatted for about a week, and seemed to be getting closer to maybe even starting fresh, but then just as suddenly she stopped chatting or replying to my messages. I was hurt, I thought when she contacted me again she was going to have heard from God and be ready to join in faith with me to wait until God finally did indeed restore our marriage. This was not the case. In fact, she didn’t want that type of relationship, and her walk with God had deteriorated to a lower level if you will of commitment and seeking His face. After three or four days, I wrote her an email and asked her to at least just give me some closure and she finally did. Now we are not chatting anymore. So…I am not sure what was with all those “confirmations”. Perhaps I wanted it so bad that I would read more into the words coming from God than what was meant. I guess only God will know.

        • Natasha says:

          @Purpose – Great commentaries. Without getting into too many details. My story began @ 7 years ago. I decided to turn over to God the job in helping find a husband. I prayed and in that prayer asked God to change whatever traits in me that may go in conflict with who He has in mind. I met someone who lives in the US. Long and short of it is we both didn’t think “logistically” things could happen so we spoke ever so often. He dated someone else and I moved on with my life. On 2 occasions I believed God spoke and said, ” It is nothing that you do or John does that will bring you together but what I do so you will know it is Me.” This was in 2008. I ignored it. In 2010 I was fasting about a personal matter and when I finished praying and opened my eyes, I received a message to my mind, ” I will not give John to you until you keep (a commandment I was breaking…will keep confidential), I am trying to save him through you.” I ignored that also. I kept on getting messages in the Bible or in my thoughts, “It’s not what you see, if I told you a promise I will do it.” This never made sense to me, because as far as I could see on facebook, he was dating and seemed happy. I decided to meet with him in 2011 as a few close friends believed that he may not think I was interested. I flew out to meet him, explained that I was still interested and that I will leave him to make a decision on what he wanted to do. He felt the same way and had no idea that he would feel so strongly about me , years later. He said he was moving towards engagement with this woman and was frustrated that I didn’t mention things sooner. Long story short, he got engaged, but was still on the fence – his fiance became pregnant with twins. I fell into despair because I told God that I never wanted any part of this and why was I being pushed towards this person. They had the children and he did not marry her, but apparently may have done so a few months later. There were no wedding photos on facebook, but I recently saw a family picture and a wedding ring on his finger. This is quite mind blowing because even after he had the twins, I was very upset that my relationship with God was not as strong as I had thought. Who was I speaking to and who was answering me? Everything lined up with scripture and what I heard was God, seemed to glorify Him.
          One day after being so distraught over the possibility of being mislead after seeing the twins, I was watching something on youtube, but my TV was on very low on the Christian channel to Charles Stanley. Something motivated me to turn to the TV and this was what Charles had said, “If God tells you something and you know He tells you, remember this – everything in heaven is behind His commands and His promises. If He orders you a promise, everything on this earth may look like there is no possible way for it to happen; you keep believing Him because sometimes He makes us promises and years go by before it is fulfilled”. I couldn’t believe it. I actually ignored it, but decided to find the sermon on his website the following morning and paused it where the comment had began and wrote it down. An “ordered promise”? I looked back at what I believe God had told me with regards to keeping his commandments and it appeared to be a promise with an order attached. Anyway, I am unable to confirm 100% if in fact they are legitimately married, but I am going to go with the notion that they are.
          If this is so, what happened? Why was I constantly being told, “It doesn’t matter what things look like to you, if God made you a promise, then the circumstances don’t matter”. I would get variations of that same message. What could all this mean, especially because I have asked God to remove the desire for this person if he is not meant for me. I did not want any part of this confusion and to watch this from the sidelines almost 7.5 years later, is very disheartening. Advice?

          • Fred says:

            I believe God speaks two kinds of promises; conditional and unconditional. I also think He speaks promises with an outlook we don’t have…meaning He sees the beginning and the end. Now it sounds like you already know this promise was conditional. I’m not saying that God is not going to bring that to pass in your life, but from what it sounds like, there are things that have happened that wouldn’t have happened had you first obeyed. We can see a similar situation with Abraham. He heard God’s promise, he knew God was faithful, but he got impatient and tried to make it happen his way…which was an act of disobedience, and as a result you and I are still seeing the effects of this one act of disobedience because we see that from that one act, the entire Muslim religion can be traced. But me telling you this isn’t a hopeless message, but truthfully an encouraging one in that God want caught off guard by Abraham’s disobedience…in fact God is NEVER caught off guard, and ultimately God will still work things out for His glory and according to His purpose. So be encouraged. Whatever it is God told you to stop doing, stop doing it. Then quit writing about the plans He has for you, but just throw yourself 100% into Him…see as I’m telling you this because I’m also in your same boat…I’ve allowed soon to rob new of my wife, but praise God she is not married yet, so thankfully for me there is still time to get focused on God and see His promise come to pass…my point just trust God. Stop trying to figure out our understand how Good is going to do it, but rather just focus solely on him. When we put someone else on the same level as Good, is idolatry, and remember I’m seriously taking to myself also because we truly are more alike in this situation than you realize. Give it to God and forget about it, and watch Him work out His perfect plan for your life…PS search YouTube for Jeremy Camp’s testimony…the song “Walk by Faith” well the testimony behind it is amazing and so apropos for both poor situations. Good bless!

          • Natasha says:

            @ Fred – Great response and opinion. Thanks for sharing! For clarification, my business was tanking at a time when the market was crashing. The strange thing about it was, we had clients and were busy – but the deals all fell through. A close friend suggested that I fast and she and her husband would fast with me. This was the first time I took fasting seriously. All I know is that I did my best to prepare and was motivated to read Deut. 28. It spoke about blessings and curses for not obeying and observing God’s Law. I turned to Ex. 20 to read His Law and one commandment jumped right out. I repented on the spot and told God how sorry I was for breaking it and decided that I will obey and never turned back since. As soon as I opened my eyes, a clear thought came to my mind, “I will not give John to you until you keep X, I am trying to save him through you.” This was in 2010. In 2008 after I did my devotion and arose from my knees, a clear thought came to my mind, “It is nothing that you do or John does that will bring you together, but what I do, that you will know it is Me.” This has never happened to me before…anyway, I’ve decided to lay it down now.

            Your advice is sound and I decided to give my will over to the Lord. Thank you again for taking the time to read and respond. – Appreciated

          • Purpose says:

            Hi Natasha, believe it or not, I was very interested in your situation and as such did not want to give any advice that will discourage you when God was still working, or encourage you when God was saying no! Every day or so, your situation would cross my mind and I did not want to say anything contrary, so I kept praying. Here are some general principles. I will be the last to say that I know God perfectly, but what I do know about Him is that He does not and cannot lie. He is not like man who will say something and then change His mind. Know that God can do ANYTHING He wants, so the first thing you need to do is to take Him out of your box and realize that the Creator who can span this world with his hand is able to perform anything according to His will. It does not matter how things in the natural look for God is beyond the natural. In the natural, there was no way Sarah could not bear a child, in the natural the Red Sea could not be parted, in the natural………………… God looks and operates in the supernatural.

            Therefore, it is that you heard Him incorrectly, you heard Him but misinterpreted what he was saying to you, it was not Him speaking or it was Him and it will come to pass. You said two things that stood out to me , one about confirmations and the other about God giving you specific instructions about obedience. In matters such as yours the best thing to do is to remain faithful to God, stay in intimacy with Him, not for the gifts but for getting to know the giver of the gifts and wait it out. Ask God for the Spirit of truth for revelation. God will never allow His children to walk in lies and deception. Continue with your life in serving God and trust the process. If it is to be it will be!

          • Natasha says:

            Dear Purpose,

            Thank you for this thoughtful reply. I can see God in your reply. He is using this situation for His higher purpose and I know I need to be patient. I know God spoke, so I need to be faithful, trust and obey.

            Again, your response was quite moving and I am thankful that you considered my situation prayerfully.

            Appreciated and God Bless you and your family.


  63. imabeliver says:

    God telling us who we will marry isn’t a matter of forcing us, it’s God knowing what’s ahead and giving some of us a peek into that for whatever His reason. We are not promised a mate, we are not promised that God will do the picking, were told we can marry whom we please within the body of Christ, yet God can and there are testimonies confirming such, bring two people together.

    Also and I learned this the hard way, God can show us someone and it not come to pass. Very early in my walk with God I was as we say on fire for the Lord if it wasn’t Jesus or His will I didn’t see it nor did I want it. I was thinking to myself one day during a lunch break at work, I’m probably called to single service and at that time I was 100% content with the notion. Figured it makes sense, never really had true relationships prior to Christ and the one that I had prior to salvation in which I had a child makes me not want another LOL and while I was very attracted to the opposite sex, I was able to live in contentment without a relationship…for the most part but in that time I thought that’s it, I’m called to serve as a single and was ready to get about the business of doing just that.

    I went on to one of my favorite sites after having this thought and saw the book “What to do when love finds you” by Michelle McKinney Hammond, I felt lead to read the description and Michelle described almost verbatim the same convo I’d just had in my head and God said to her……I didn’t tell you that! So I said ok Lord if you’re showing me this because you’re saying I didn’t tell you that either, please do the choosing for me because I have lousy taste. That Sunday I went to church and saw a guy on the drums and heard a voice say that’s the man you’re going to marry. Thought to myself what in the world! Don’t know where that came from. I’d been a believer for some time but just joined that church the prior week yet never met this guy before and thought it strange. Found out he wasn’t there because he was a pro musician and he just so happened to pay at that time for a band I’d promoted, never knew he was a part of it! My friend introduced me to him and when he hugged me I felt the Holy Spirit. I repented because I thought it was something else but I heard a voice say you didn’t react that way to any other male in the room plus you know what you felt is the same as when you first received me, not of a sexual nature.

    So I said ok Lord you’re showing me this guy and I began to pray about it/him. I’d receive confirmation after confirmation and one of the things that just tripped me out time and time again is the fact that he wasn’t my type per se but I saw no other guy but him because of what the Lord was doing, and he began to take notice of me so everything is developing based on what God was showing me yet in the end he ended up marrying someone else.

    A few things happened, I didn’t fully trust what God said/showed me. I looked for similar testimonies but at that time didn’t find any except for instances where the parties involved didn’t seem to stable…in my eyes. The guy would eventually begin to throw out hints towards me vs. being up front, I noticed them but decided that if God was showing me I’d marry him, he will be able to approach me boldly and I can’t be led by a guy who would have an issue with that. Also figured God would show him exactly the same thing which wasn’t the case.

    Well this guy who loves the Lord and is otherwise strong, trustworthy etc. said in a casual convo once that he’s shy when it comes to approaching women, especially women that he’s interested in so when he hinted to me a few times and I ignored him, he eventually moved on and married someone else. I knew this to be the case but again I figured I’d just pray that he can approach me boldly and until he can, God simply hasn’t shown him, but He didn’t speak to the guy in the same way he spoke to me. for the guy it was more natural so to speak for me I had the revelation before the natural.

    It was insanely confusing because I knew I heard a voice, had it been Satan’s? The thing that made it hard for me to believe that was that everything that transpired happened in silence. When I say I wasn’t thinking about marriage I was not so it’s not something I could have manipulated within my own thoughts. Satan may have tested me to see if that was an area of temptation but he wouldn’t have known to tempt me in that nor was he a part of the convo to know to show me someone that Sunday after my revelation the Friday prior. The confirmations were also too specific even down to this guy noticing no one else in the room when I was there. Which at points became both frustrating and agitating because the way I see it it takes a lot more to stare at a person across the room the entire time you’re there than it does to actually approach them. But again not knowing I missed where I should have been praying for him and also where I should have had others within the body praying with me.

    Once I found out he went on to marry I heard story after story of God bringing two people together, including his best friend and my close friend. One day we were visiting another church that my Pastor was to speak at and I rode with his daughter in law and another member. The other member asked her how she met her husband and she said one day they were in prayer holding hands and she felt the Holy Spirit and a convo transpired from that and they believed the Lord was bringing the two of them together. Prior to that the story I’d heard was we were prayer partners that became close friends and later married.

    So for me it wasn’t that God didn’t say it (and not implying that’s the case for you), I didn’t trust what He said and didn’t realize it at the time. But God is faithful I’m still believing Him for marriage and asked that He’d pick again:) And I’m happy for the guy that got away and at the time God sent two comforters that went through the same thing.

    So although it’s not the norm per se, it does occur.

    There are other instances in which God has spoken to me audibly and they’ve come to pass. One situation I was being drawn heavily by the Holy Spirit coming into the faith but was barely out of the womb if out at all. A friend invited me to go out, we hadn’t seen each other for a while and I agreed but it was at a bar. I figured I’ve never been a drinker so no biggie I’ll go to hang with my friend. I heard God as clear as day and also saw a visual. God said you will go to this bar, order a Sprite, your friend and her friend will ask why you’re not ordering a drink I’ll say I’m seeking to get closer to God (or something along those lines forget exact wording) your friend will agree and mention how she needs to do the same, her friend will appear to agree but then switch up on you and try to get you to drink and you’ll eventually cave in and drink it.

    So I went to the bar. ordered my Sprite and the convo went exactly as the Lord showed me but I didn’t think about it until the friend of my friend took a sip of her drink and said mmm this is good y’all should try it. My friend tried it but I said no sticking to my guns but the girl was so persistent I decided to take a small sip to shut her up and thought oh my goodness, never went to another bar not sure if I ever hung out with the friend again after that moment either.

    And let me say I’m not implying a Christian should or should not drink, my issue was trying to assimilate with the world knowing God was pulling me out of that not the drink, well it was somewhat the drink as God took that taste from me point being as the debate goes I’m not advocating one shouldn’t drink or one should, this is just my story.

    Another instance, God didn’t audibly say I’m going to give you a house but I went to a ministry event for singles no less:) And the speaker passed around a fish bowl at the end of the event and essentially said if the two scriptures align the Lord is speaking that to you, I thought yeah right, don’t really like that thinking whatever but still picked:) Matthew 19:29 and Mark 10:29 and I’m not sure why I thought it at the time but associated it with God promising me a house.

    About a year passed and I was on the edge of my daughter’s bed (have a then 5 year old) and I thought about the situation and said to self man where did I get that idea from, God didn’t show me that etc. my daughter woke up out of her sleep and said I had a dream and God said He keeps His promises and you’re going to have a house. From that point on I believed and it wasn’t anything that I imagined but God indeed gave me a house as promised.

    So just wanted to share a few instances in my walk in which God has spoken most come to pass the marriage one did not but He allowed me to see why. You won’t find in the bible many testimonies of God directing marriage but you also won’t find any of him telling a child not to hang at a bar with the world or a promised house. We hold on to what God does promise us, that He’ll never leave nor forsake us, that we’re to come to Him concerning EVERYTHING in prayer. that He promises good gifts. we don’t take these scriptures to fit our desires, not suggesting that but when we have circumstances that come up and we’re not clear on rather they’re God’s doing we can test it via the word because not everything will be spelled out. Jesus said there wouldn’t be a book that could contain everything that occurred.

    Hope this isn’t too long:) And I hope this encourages someone that truly believed God showed them to hold on but also test it.

  64. imabeliver says:

    Opps hope this isn’t too old to comment on too, thought that said feb 2014!!

  65. Julia says:

    Dear Stephanie,
    You wrote a post a while ago about how God’s will/direction for us does not always mean we will feel a sense of peace. So, what did you feel when you were in a relationship with Carl? Did you feel a sense of peace about marrying him? What did you trust to lead you into marriage?

    • Stephanie May says:

      Hi Julia!
      This is an excellent question! Would you mind sending me an email with this question in it? ( I’m about to sign off from The Lipstick Gospel until after the wedding, but this is something I’d LOVE to write about once I get back. It would help me not to forget. 🙂 Thank you so much!!

  66. Amy says:

    I know you posted this well over a year ago, but I had to respond. I too, thought God told me I was going to marry this man. We were friends for a whils, and all of the months leading up to the relationship I prayed and prayed “Lord, open or close this door. Make it clear to me. Show me your will.” Etc. And each time I was granted with a dream or some other kind of affirmation that this guy was indeed the man I was going to marry. Our friendship turned to dating and in the first 2 weeks we had 5 STRANGERS (in addition to other friends) stop us and tell us we needed to/ should get married. It was bizarre. I just thought it was more signs from God. Over the nect couple months we met each others’ families, went to church and religious conferences together, grew together, etc. but 4 days before Valentines day he broke up with me without reason.

    I was devasted, and did not understand. In fact, its been almost 5 months and I still do not understand. I have, however, come to the realization that it just wasnt right. Sure there were times of joy and peace in the relationship, but there were also times of anger, betrayal, and jealousy. At the time, I thought thats just the way it was supposed to be- something to grow on, learn from, and move on. But I have realized that actually– God just has something better for me! God graciously broke my heart from that man so I would continue giving it to HIM. So I would learn a deeper, unconditional love. One that I thought I knew before dating that guy, but truly didnt understand.

    So thank you for this. Thank you for acknowledging my feelings (everyone else thought i was crazy). And also, thank you for giving me hope for the future. I am not too broken. God heals. And God knows the desires of my heart.

    Love and blessings to you and your new husband!!

    • Purpose says:

      Amy, so sorry to hear about your situation, but God does not deceive us, lie to us or lead us into error. God cannot act contrary to his character – He cannot lie! He will never lie to us or manipulate us or lead us into hurt for us to get closer to Him. That is man’s way of doing things, not God’s. Its either you heard God wrong, or that it wasn’t God at all, or that it’s still meant to be. Hope all goes well for you!

  67. Kelsey says:

    Stephanie, thank you for these words! I know this is an older post, but having recently gone through an unexpected breakup with the guy I thought I was going to marry, this is incredibly encouraging. The part about the surprises and God wanting us on a different path definitely resonates, the past few months following the breakup have been the ones with the most honesty, life, and grace I’ve experienced in a long time. God is crazy like that, it’s sad how much our lives can be reducted when we try to put Him in a box. But, I’m thankful for Grace and free will and love that can exist in so many different places.

    • Stephanie May says:

      Kelsey, I’m so glad this post helped. I’m so sorry about your breakup, but I’m so happy about what has happened since! I definitely relate to that. It’s amazing how God brings the best life out of what feels like death sometimes.

  68. Amber says:

    I agree and love everything that you have said. It makes sense to me now. I prayed to god for answers and signs about who I will end up with and I got a lot of signs but maybe god wants it to be a surprise of how two people end up together. I also want someone to marry me because they want too and not because they are forcing it but I want them to have god in mind as well. I try hope for the best 🙂

  69. Unknown says:

    There were some very valid points that you seem to have made concerning some things. However, I must disagree with the overall message concerning of your post. Here’s why: If you truly believe in your heart that God spoke a word to you then you must hold steadfast to what you heard. I ALWAYS ask God for confirmation. Never has he not delivered. He has spoken to me since…as long as I can remember…and it’s rare to say the least that I mistaken His voice, nevertheless, His message. See I too have been told by God who my husband is. I asked for several confirmations, because this is such a serious matter. Almost seemed absurd! But…I know better. Needless to say….He confirmed in ways that only He can. It was exactly three 3 1/2 years ago that God gave me this revelation after crying out like never before. Understand that everything has a season. I don’t care what it looks like…you have to Trust God in the matter. Remember that YOU asked whom your Husband was. Yes, God gives us free will, but the scripture that denotes ‘What God has put together let not man put asunder’ would not be relevant if God wasn’t still being the ULTIMATE match maker. I believe the word of God is true! Did Adam & Eve have a choice? …Or is it that they were put together? Don’t consider the circumstances of them being the first on Earth. That is what will throw you off. That is exactly what is throwing you off. Eve was created with Adam in mind. Keep your focus on God. He does NOT lie. We live in a world of convenience. We want what we want when we want it. But God says not so. Sometimes we just have to WAIT!!!!! It may be years, but it will come to pass if you faint not. You relinquished hope after just a year…. Does God work on our timing? I know it gets hard, but you have to press on in praise prayer, and thanksgiving knowing that if God said it then He meant it. Our choice in the matter is whether we want to wait on God to put things together in His way or pray his blessings upon the marriage we may choose. I encourage you to continue to wait. I don’t care if the guy is married!!! Your prayers may just bring him out of an unhealthy situation. Never know! Continue to fast, pray and trust God almighty. NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING is too hard for OUR GOD!!!!! I look forward to a Life full of love with my Soul Mate. I wish the same for you! Much Love Dear

    • Angel says:

      I disagree with your lasts few sentences about you just may be praying a married person out of an unhealthy situation. That is not true, again we are living according to the World and not the Word. Praying for someone else to be with you if they are already or got married while you prayed is a sin. Even if you’re not physically with them, your thoughts are sinning to, it’s call lusting. God word and will will never contradict his beliefs period.

  70. TheHonestTruth says:

    I really wish that God would’ve given me the right woman at the time when i was married, instead of being married to a Cheater at the time which thank God i am now divorced.

  71. Jess says:

    I just want to meet him 🙁

    I just want to live right

    I just want to meet him… I keep telling God 🙁 I hope he hears.

  72. kimmy says:

    This relates to my story. I met a guy early last year that I didn’t like, at church. The word of God spoke to me that day by a prophet that he is my future husband, but never stated his name. I got confused as I was dating another guy whom we had quarrels and separated. The prophet said that he was darker and medium sized, neither tall nor shot. I was convinced it was my then boyfriend. I was a little happy things will turn out right at the end. After church a certain strange guy asked me where I was going and if he would give me a lift to the main road, I told him and accepted his offer. He drove me to the main road and on the way he told me his name and I told him mine, exchanged numbers and even gave me money for a taxi but I wasn’t in to him. When I got home he started calling regularly and sending me airtimes. Something that I didn’t like was when he asked for my nude pictures and made bedroom sounds during phone calls and how he wanted to have sex with me. I was convinced he wanted me for sex only and that made me uncomfortable with him. I deleted his phone numbers and I didn’t take his phone calls anymore, so I was over him. It took 12 months after our separation, when earlier this year another prophet told me about him, he even mentioned his name and told me he is my future husband. I don’t even know his whereabouts, nor his phone numbers. I am confused as I am on whether to wait for him or carry on with other men, but every time I try a new relationship it fails badly, I often find other guys not good enough that I can’t date. I’ve now developed an interest in him, accepted his strange ways but he’s no where to be found. I can’t love any other men. I keep praying to God about him and just finding another man at least, but non of those are answered yet.
    Right now I’m lonely, confused, sad, blaming my self on every thing. 🙁

    • Angel says:

      Hi Kimmy. First of all God isn’t of confusion and contradicting and just because a so called ‘prophet’ described a man that fits that man description doesn’t make him your husband. I can tell you first hand, he’s not your husband, nor will he ever. So don’t sit around and wait for that to come to pass because it won’t. A man that asks you for nudes and always talks about sex, I mean really? Do you hear yourself dear? That is a man solely on “lust” not “love.” You only grew to accept it because you feel what that ‘prophet’ and your “feelings” are telling you and really it’s deceiving you. God will never contradicts his word. Period. And that man isn’t your husband.

  73. Rose Lwande says:

    Very true. I commented the same but i don’t know if it got submitted. God knows each and every person’s rib. He knows the end from start and He made Joseph stay with Mary Jesus’ mother and it worked out. God can tell you about a person you have never met then you later meet them and you know what! God had told them about you.

  74. jaime says:

    just read ur write up .I have been trying to be sure I am in Gods will .before I started my present relationship I was sure that it was wat I wanted .we had similar visions,purpose etc n then I accepted .but immediately I said yes I felt like I just made a mistake .n since then I haven’t been able to shake off the feeling that am making a mistake n I won’t have a wonderful marriage .I had dreams before n after to show he may be the one.I have talked to people I look up to n they think he is the one too.he loves me so much .but I am not at peace n my mood makes us quarell a lot .how can I be really sure its Gods will and not fear that’s holding me back .

    • Angel says:

      Dear. The way you can be totally sure is pray. Pray and really ask God to guide you and aligned you on the path of his will for your life and all else will fall in place. When you pray, don’t include what others think of this guy and what you want to think or believe. Pray for true revelation and take out of your mind the things you want to hear. Be willing to accept what God will reveal to you and ask for confirmation. Sometimes what we think is confirmation and what the interpretation of a sign isn’t it. Most of the time we have wishful thinking and want it to be that. Pray. Ask God to aligned you with his will for your life and I promise you if that man is supposed to be with you and it’s apart of his will, it will be. You don’t need confirmation from family and friends as that is like emotions, they are fickle and you cannot trust your own heart and others opinions. Only put your trust and everything in God’s hand. He will take care of that for you. Trust me.

  75. Kaylin says:

    Hi Stephanie,
    I just stumbled upon your blog upon googling “God told me who I will be marrying”. It was a really good read, and I enjoyed every piece of your blog articles. Your articles have really inspired me and encouraged me in many ways.
    I am currently in my twenties, well, almost late twenties and I suffered quite a few heartbreaks. I would like to ask a question: Two nights ago, I got down on my knees and prayed so hard regarding my future husband. I asked God to reveal to me my future husband so I do not have to go through more heartbreaks in the future.
    I went to sleep that night, and the very next day, I got a Facebook message from a guy I knew since I was 16. It was a very random message as we lost touch for four years. Both him and I have had a thing going on since we were 16, but never got together. He is a nice Christian guy, and if I’m not mistaken, just got out of a 3 year relationship (wasn’t sure so went on his Facebook to check his relationship status).
    This may sound nice, I guess, but I wasn’t happy upon receiving the text from him. My heart doesn’t seem to be in peace and I am not quite sure if I want to marry him. I guess it’s cos when we were 22, I was constantly ‘pursuing’ him online but he wasn’t interested nor consistent. I just found it odd that after four years, which so happens after that prayer the night before, he decided to text me to catch up. Don’t get me wrong, he’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met, and though I do like nice guys, I do not really like this whole idea of marrying him? (if you know what I mean)
    I know God gives us free will, as written on your article, but somehow I feel uncomfortable about this (which is odd, since I should be rejoicing and feeling comfortable) sudden text after that prayer.
    Do you think God genuinely revealed this plan to me? Might this guy be a sign? I mean, I have prayed about this but haven’t gotten any answer back.
    Please advise?

    • Stephanie May Wilson says:

      Hi Kaylin!

      Thank you so much for reaching out love. Thank you for reading, and taking the time to share your story, and for opening your heart up to me, and to this community. I really appreciate your vulnerability and your boldness, and the fact that you invited us in!

      I totally hear you in the heartbreak department. It is so hard putting yourself out there, and being rejected, or having things not work out, or feeling like things just aren’t working. It’s so hard on our hearts. I totally hear you. And I also really understand your desire to have God direct your steps so there aren’t anymore mis-steps. It feels like an insurance policy sort of. “God, tell me where to go so I don’t have to get hurt anymore.” I completely understand your desire for that. I’ve felt that way too.

      I can also understand how it would feel like a confusing thing to have someone reach out the very next day after you pray that prayer. It seems like more than a coincidence. Absolutely. But… I really do think it might just be a coincidence. I don’t think that him messaging you the day after you prayed that prayer means he’s your husband. Not only that, but you don’t have to marry anyone you don’t want to marry. God is not going to ask you to marry someone against your will. That’s just not what marriage is. Marriage is a relationship — a partnership of two people deciding that they choose each other. And so if you don’t want to choose this guy, if you aren’t interested in being in a relationship you absolutely don’t have to be. And that’s the other thing I wanted to say, is that you don’t have to make any kind of decision about who you’re going to marry until you’re in a relationship with someone, until you’re dating, and pursuing each other, and until you get to that point where you need to decide if you want the relationship to move forward into marriage. But really — any thoughts on the subject, or any decisions before then are purely speculation. And so I know this doesn’t help the uncertainty of it, but I really do think you can release your mind and your heart of trying to crack the code in the meantime. Just focus on being you, and growing in your relationship with God, and getting to know new people. The “Are you my husband?” conversation doesn’t need to happen until you’re well into a dating relationship with someone. So I’d focus on starting there. Again, I’m so so grateful that you took the time to read, and to reach out and share your story. I wish you and I could grab coffee and talk about this much more in depth! But I do have a resource coming out in a few days that I think might be really helpful. It’s a month-long course called Make The Most Of Your Single Life where we’re navigating really living our single lives well, and how to date well, and how to do it all in a way where we’re really trusting God, and believing His promises about our lives. The doors open on May 9th (Monday!) and close on May 13th (Friday!) so I’d love you to join us if it feels like something you’d be interested in. But again, thank you so much for reaching out love, I’m so glad we got to connect. All my love, Stephanie

    • Stephanie May Wilson says:

      Hi Sheena!

      Thank you so much for reading, and for reaching out, and for taking the time to respond to Kaylin! You have some great thoughts in your response, and I really appreciate you taking the time to share! The only thing I do want to say is that I really do want this to be a safe space for people to come and process their thoughts and their feelings, and to be able to do that freely. I don’t think that seeking wisdom, and counsel, and friends to walk the road with is an insult of any kind to anyone, least of all to God. So I’d just ask you to be gentle with the fact that we’re all at different places in life, in our own processes, and to just remember to be gentle when speaking into people’s lives. Okay? Again, thanks so much for your comment. I really appreciate you reaching out. All my love, Stephanie

  76. Paul says:

    Even for many of us good single men out there that were really hoping to meet the Right Good Woman to get married and have a family which unfortunately it still hasn’t happened yet. Women have certainly changed today from the good old days when most women back then were very faithful compared to the women of today. And unfortunately many of us men Aren’t single by choice at all today either when back in the old days love was very easy to find and Both men and women were very committed to one another as well.

  77. John Wayne says:

    Coming from a guy’s perspective, I’ve gotta say it’s a little scary to be reading these comments. Clearly so many people are mishearing and end up in heartache. People talking about “the one” have a Disney fantasy-land mentality not realizing marriage is 100% work for both players involved. You will have to work harder and do things better than you do now because you must have 100% consideration for another person now.

    What insane pressure for the guy in these instances, trying to live up to this God-like standard. If I was a guy and read these and knew the girl in question, I would run far far away. People are expecting some grand sign instead of perhaps 2 people being ready for marriage and meeting, being compatible, and falling in love.

    These people talking about claiming a man because of God and God told me I would be with this man but now he has a kid, and all these stories. Realize that this exact person, or “the one” as so many refer to them must get a similarly grand sign as well or how can you truly be sure it was “God”? Where exactly in the bible does it talk about needing confirmations and signs and wonders about your future spouse for the everyday person? I must have missed that entire chapter. Not everyone is the Virgin Mary, sorry she is special, you are just a normal human being, deal with it.

    There is this very vocal, opinionated, and obnoxious girl that I sadly had to know because I dated a friend of hers. Well, apparently she has gotten all of these prophecies about her future husband and she rants and raves all over her social media pages. It’s honestly the funniest but also saddest thing I’ve ever seen, she constantly writes about being a wife, and talks about her future husband, but at a 1000000000 level. She has no idea any respectable guy is laughing their asses off vowing to never go near such a headache. “When my husband comes” “I’ve gotten so many words about my future husband” “Feeling like a wifey today” LOL. It’s so pathetic and desperate, please women, don’t talk about your future husband to anyone but God or a few close girlfriends if need be. All I know is it sounds pathetic to any self-respecting man. This particular women thinks she is showing off what a great catch she is but in reality she drove off all the guys many years ago with all her social media behavior. She would have to move to a different state at this point to have any chance to get married.

  78. Cece says:


    I read your blog and it was thought-provoking for me and then I read the comments and it was really discouraging. So much heartbreak from young women who thought they were following the will of God, but it left them confused and hurt. I don’t usually respond to blogs, but I had to and I know this blog is old and I don’t know if you or anyone will see this, but I completely understand the women in the comments section.

    You see, I’m physically handicapped, so the realm of love is not so easily attainable for me. While most women struggle with dating a guy who cheats on them or disconnects from them, etc, I can’t even get a guy to pay attention to me, much less notice me in that way. I am always restricted to friend zone and they never give me a chance. Anyway a long time ago, I met this guy after a year of knowing him, I thought He was the one I was suppose to be with, I thought God told me that he loved me, but just didn’t know it yet, and I just had to wait. Well I ended up waiting for him to not only date someone else, but get married to that person and have a baby. On the other side, before the marriage and after he didn’t ask me out or anything, I did walk away from him because I knew I would end up hurt, so to protect myself, I let it/him go, but he didn’t chase after me. I don’t think it even mattered to him much. Anyway, the whole situation affected my relationship with God. I was angry with Him and didn’t trust Him and I felt like He played some sick horrible joke on my heart. It’s a sad thing to think of God like that, but for me, with regards to God, it was like, “God you know it’s hard for me in general to get a guy to like me, for me to be vulnerable with impending rejection always lurking close by, and you bring this guy in my life only to leave me heartbroken.

    It took me years to get over that guy and over the situation in general. I think what I struggled with the most was that I knew that we have free will, but God was God. When He wanted something done, it was done. God called Jonas to preach and Jonas had the free will to say no and God put him in a whale and then his answer was yes, lol. God’s will was for the Israelites to be delivered from Egypt and Moses had the free will to say, “No God. I stutter, I’m not really confident at this time in my life, they’re not going to listen to me, I mean, I’m a wanted man over there. Why don’t you choose Aaron?” But God didn’t give up on Moses, even though Moses had the free will to walk away and he did say no, but there he was in Egypt, performing miracles. Are we to say that our will supersedes God’s will? For me, it provided comfort to know that I was protected by God’s will, but when it didn’t happen, it broke me. After all this time, I realize that wasn’t God’s will for me because if it was, things would have turned out differently, but I do believe that He used that young man in my life to teach me a few things about what I want in a man and maybe He had to break my heart in order to rebuild it, so that He would get the glory and we would grow closer.

    Long story short, I’m over my first love and I’m so in love with God. I say that because I realize that the way He loves, no man on earth could ever match up. He pursues you and never gives up on you. He accepts, your flaws and your weaknesses. He goes out of His way to make sure that He has time for you. He listens. He drys your tears. He believes in you and the woman or man you are meant to be. God has spoken to me again about someone, but I’m seeing it differently now. Instead of focusing on the man and the potential of something, God promised, I’m keeping my eyes focused on God and in my prayers, I pray for God’s will to be done in my life and the other guy’s life, whatever that looks like because when I start dreaming it up, it only brings about disaster, but I’ve learned that when you give everything to God, big or small, He will always come through and whatever He has for you, if you truly surrender and allow His will to be your will, that’s when you will see His amazing power at work.
    Ok, so I totally came here to ask you for advice, but I couldn’t stop typing and I think I answered my own question. 🙂 Anyway. Thank you for the blog because I was looking for something like this. Thank you!

  79. Alove says:

    Good read. I also had the same experience where I received misdirection about someone through recurring dreams and “an interpretation.” I waited a year also to see how things played out and my cirumstances clearly did not reflect what I was told. I’m still hurt and confused by this so please pray for me. I believe we have a chose too, but if God does chose to become specific in how he leads us, it won’t feel forced. This is probably not a good example, but years ago I was laid off of a job I really liked. I was obviously not given a choice in the matter, but a month later I got the job I originally prayed for years earlier. I was so happy! I believe God can apply that same grace to relationships.

  80. Christina says:

    I think in some cases God does tell people who they are going to marry. God knows us better than anyone else and though he does give us free will…for some people he may feel that once they can totally rely on him and put him first he will provide that person for them who is the best match for them. God knows who’s a better fit for us than we do. He knew that Mary would be the best person to carry Jesus because of her faithfulness to him and she was blessed by God’s choice for her life. I think God allows and provides different situations for each individual that live and trusts him…based on what he’s shown us in his word.

  81. nate says:

    I know of a guy who was told who to marry. He knelt and asked God for a wife..I kid you not..He walked out on God in protest when God revealed the girl. He knew the girl and she was in a relationship with another guy. Today they are happily married with 3 children.

  82. Me says:

    Just wondering if any one here has a positive testimony as to what god said to you coming through. It would be interesting to find out after all these years.

  83. […] audible voice, He will frequently reinforce our decisions with confirmation.  As author Stephanie May Wilson points out, “God isn’t shy when it comes to making his will known.”  His […]

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