When you were growing up did you ever play the game Mercy? Someone would grasp your hands and then twist them to an ungodly angle until you yelled βMERCYβ and they were supposed to let go.
Well today is my day to shout “MERCY!”
I went on vacation recently and was amazed by how I felt. I was the very best version of myself. I'd wake up easily and with a smile on my faceβmy mind a running newsfeed of joy and gratitude. I was amazed at how beautiful the world was and how free I felt inside of it.
I came home from vacation light and free and ready to take on the world.
Fast forward two days later and I'm already crying at work. Frustrated by the length of my to-do list and the litany of promises I was locked into, tears were streaming out and curse words werenβt far behind.
A co-worker stopped me in the hallway at work, concerned, and asked me how he could pray for me.
βRest? Peace of mind?β
I laughed and spoke fast, trying to get back to my desk and the pile of things I had left there, and said “umβ¦ if you wanted to pray for me to be able to set some priorities, that'd be great,” before I thanked him and hurried off to find some coffee.
A few hours later, one of my friends approached me. She began to list off all of the things Iβm working on and gently (but firmly) told me that if I keep trying to do everything, Iβm going to burn out fast.
My leadership class at Adventures in Missions echoed the same thing.
“Tomorrow's Thursday,” one of them reminded meβ¦ “quit something,” she said quoting Bob Goff's famous weekly ritual.
But I felt stuck. I loved everything I was doing. Everything seemed too important and too wonderful to cut something out.
And so Carl took me straight home and handed me a huge piece of paper.
“Write” he told me as he tossed me a marker.
With his help, I began to make a list of all of my priorities and commitments.
Just the list of categories reached all the way across my bedroom.
Then he handed me another marker and told me to put them in order, βif one is good, 10 isnβt better,β he pointed out.
By the end of the night I hadn't eliminated anything, but I finally understood that I needed to.
Being so busy, I don't feel like the best version of myself. I'm a frantic version of myself β one who will quite literally run you over if you accidentally get in my way.
And so this morning I took a step in the right direction.
I woke up early and went on a walk. I walked around my apartment complex in circles, talking to Jesus and sorting some things out in my head.
I realized Iβve built some identity around being able to do it all. And so making cuts feels scary and counter-intuitive in every way.
But if I continue to try to do all of the things I want to do, I'll do none of them well. And that's not what I want.
So for this summer, no more guest posting (you may see something from me here or there, but it was written before I drew a line in the sand). I'm giving myself one more day to finish as much as I possibly can, and then itβs time for a break. I'm going to be writing for The Lipstick Gospel exclusively and sharing my best thoughts and ideas in the space that matters most to me.
I'm going to be spending more time doing the things that matter most with the people who matter most.
So here it isβ¦ “MERCY!!”
What are your priorities these days?Β
This is absolutely beautiful. I wish you all the luck in the world with this process. I am notorious for taking on too much, because, as you said here, it feels like part of my identify. It’s a blessing to read your posts; they make me not feel alone, and this one in particular hits home. Thank you.
Great words to start the week! I’m working on being a good friend and husband. π
I’m so excited for you and proud of you for the hard work you’re doing in learning to say no and quit–even if that means some of the stuff is being pushed off your plate onto mine.
Great post. I think that I have to do this too. I don’t like being so frantic…so frazzled…so stressed. It doesn’t do anyone in our lives any good to see this happening to us. And I know it doesn’t feel good to us. I’ll be praying for you. Looking forward to you sharing your moments and thoughts with us…and know you aren’t alone. Hugs to you!
you put words to what i’m feeling lately, and i’m utterly grateful. gosh, all good storytellers have a way of doing this, and you, my dear, are the epidemy. thank you for your candid honesty, and for provoking me to shout “MERCY” when i didn’t even realize i needed to.
{for the record, i wanted to shout it out loudly into the coffee shop i’m currently sitting in, but i refrained, so as to maintain a sense of normality in public, you know? & so i’ll just sit with my Jesus and eat a cupcake instead, thankyouverymuch.}
Girl, I totally feel you. Lately I’ve had to say “no” to so many desirable things (social and work-related) in order to keep my sanity. It’s hard, but worth it. We can do this…
Yep. Good stuff. My thoughts exactly. I will say again, I hope it is encouraging to you to be figuring these things out a whole decade before I did!! You won’t regret it π
Amen! God commands us to “remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy,” but in our culture you have to be so intentional about not filling your schedule too full. God built rest into the way the world is supposed to work. As Shauna Niequist says, “Saying no is an act of faith, demonstrating your belief that you are not what you do.”
Ah, yes, I can relate to this… as usual with your posts. I can relate to that feeling of… feeling like you wish you could do it all, but not knowing how to say it may be too much. It’s a really great thing that you’re recognizing this and taking a step back. I’ve burnt out before and man, the crash is hard and painful… But I’m glad to see that this is one of your priorities… as I enjoy this blog so much! π
–Erika
http://www.chimerikal.com
Bravo.