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Is there an area of your life that feels beyond repair? A habit you've formed that seems impossible to change? If so, read this post!

Think it’s impossible to change your life? Think again.

Life to the Full

Is there an area of your life that feels beyond repair? A habit you've formed that seems impossible to change, an obstacle that feels impossible to conquer?

There is for me.

You see, something happened after Carl and I got married.

I just got bigger.

Maybe it’s that I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning, preferring an extra few minutes of cuddling to time spent on a treadmill. Or maybe it’s that we were so excited to be living daily life together that we got overzealous in the cooking department. Or maybe it’s that our wedding season was so packed full of parties and gatherings and fun that I wasn’t paying attention to what I was eating. Or maybe it was the all-inclusive honeymoon that kicked things off on the wrong (or right, depending on how you look at it) foot.

But either way, a few months into us being married, I started to notice that my clothes were getting tighter. Wearing jeans was a minor form of torture and I would find any excuse to wear yoga pants and baggy t-shirts—anything to help me ignore my rapidly expanding waistline.

I was packing for a trip when I realized the jig was up. 

Headed to my cousin’s wedding that weekend, I figured I should try on the dress I planned to wear. I did it as a precautionary measure. It was a loose dress, I knew it’d fit.

I slipped it over my head, and shimmied it over my body, and promptly found out I was wrong.

I had gained weight. I couldn’t hide from it anymore. The truth was staring back at me in the mirror, wearing a skin-tight, ill-fitting dress that used to be my favorite.

I didn’t think, didn’t even wait a beat, I just burst into tears. Grabbing loose clothes as fast as I could, I pulled them on and dove into our bed and under our covers. I didn’t want Carl to look at me, I didn’t want to look at me, I just wanted to disappear until this extra weight was gone.

I felt ugly and untouchable. I felt lazy and like a failure. How could I have let this happen? I chided myself.

I was ashamed for letting it get to this point. But even more than that, I was afraid. I’d tried several times to eat better and start working out again. But my will-power disappeared as quickly as it’d come. I’d tried and I’d failed.

I felt stuck in my skin, ugly in my body, and making a change seemed impossible. I was stuck like this forever.

It was a terrible moment to be sure, but it was in that moment that something finally snapped in me. Carl always says that people don’t change until something hurts enough, and for me, that was absolutely true.

I wasn’t willing to make a change in my lifestyle until it hurt enough, and that moment hurt.

So I took one small step. I downloaded an app where I could track my food, and promised myself I’d eat right for one day. And then the next day I did the same, and added a walk around the parking lot to my repertoire. I’ve kept going like that—one more day, a few minutes on the elliptical, and much to my shock, I’ve actually started enjoying it!

It’s been three weeks now, and I’ve been working out, and eating better, and feeling better, truly. I even tried on a pair of jeans and got them on without a problem. It was an amazing day. I considered throwing a party.

But most of all, more than being able to fit in jeans, or go through a day without being furious at myself, the biggest win has been realizing this isn’t impossible.

The truth is, there are areas in each of our lives that feel stickier than others. There are habits that feel almost impossible to break, and we slip back a thousand times before we get it right. There are areas of our lives that feel wrought with despair, where we beat ourselves up mercilessly for not being good enough.

But through walking this path that I really thought was impossible, I’m learning we’re capable of much greater things than we believe. We really can do hard things—we all can. We can make changes in our lives and grow in the ways we’ve always wanted to grow. It feels impossible but it’s not. It really isn’t. We can do it.

So I tell you that story because we’re real around here, and because I have a feeling I’m not the only one who has felt this way.

And I tell you because I want to invite you to walk with me on an impossible journey. We can do hard things, and we can do them together.

I’d love for you to write a little note in the comments about what the impossible thing is for you, and how you’re going to get started conquering it with me.

P.S. If you're needing more encouragement in this area of your life, check out these podcast episodes:

Girls Night #2: I'm not in the Shape I Want to be in, I Don't Feel Confident in my Skin — How do I Change That?

Girls Night #71: How to Overcome Insecurity and Embrace Your Identity in Christ (this conversation is with Priscilla Shirer and it's such a good one!!)

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Is there an area of your life that feels beyond repair? A habit you've formed that seems impossible to change? If so, read this post!

Faithful Counseling is where I found the therapist who walked with me through the pandemic and our fertility journey!

Faithful Counseling

One more thing I wanted to share with you

Therapy has made such a difference in my life, and it's one of my very favorite resources to recommend to women of all ages and stages of life. 

why I love Faithful Counseling:

And because they're one of our Girls Night Podcast sponsors, I have a special link that will give you 10% off of your first month of counseling.

They help you connect with a licensed, vetted, faith-based counselor

At a much more affordable price than traditional counseling

And you can do it from home (no need to change out of your PJs!)

Add a Comment
  1. Lauren says:

    Oh girl – WELCOME TO THE CLUB. maybe we should make a Fappy Calendar that we share and mark when we work out or eat right for accountability 🙂

  2. LOVE this post! I am currently working on making sure I am properly nourishing my body for the amount of activity that I put it through day in and day out. I have not been kind to this body, but I am making small changes. For example: I make sure to eat within 1 1/2 hours of waking; I’m adding more fats; I am journaling. Baby steps day in and day out. I already am feeling better and better about myself! XOXO

  3. Natalie Bowman says:

    Oh my gosh YES!!! You took the words right out of my mouth! I got married 3 months ago and almost burst into tears at the doctor the other day…hoping their scale was a good 20 pounds off from accurate! I have needed some encouragement so thanks for the honesty and transparency and support! 🙂

  4. Bethann says:

    Beautiful. Thanks for sharing so authentically your heart + life.

  5. Thanks for sharing. It really is sad and makes you want to cry when you go to try something on and it no longer fits due to some choices in diet (especially when said item still bears a price tag!!) Little determined choices each day really are key. I liked adding walking and keeping focused. When you do fit into the size that used to fit it is a great feeling. I still don’t like jeans.

  6. rippa says:

    Thanks for this, Steph. I’ve totally been experiencing the same in the few months I’ve been married…tight clothes and all. Good to know I’m not alone!! I just put down the Hershey bar I was scarfing (no joke). Thanks for the encouragement to conquer. 🙂 xoxo!

  7. deb burow says:

    Hey, I am older,a lot older, but found after the loooong winter (and saying “no” to running most days), I am in the same boat. Pounds don’t drop in 3 weeks, but just feeling better and reminding myself at my age it is about independence (not being in a wheel chair, or walking with a cane) not vanity. So signed up for a half marathon in 5 weeks, good for me to have a goal, and along the way I start to feel much better. Great post.

  8. lauren H. says:

    I put a dress on and cringed in the mirror just yesterday! I’ve been married for just over 3 months and I think my husband and I have definitely been “loving each other with food”! Thank you for the encouragement to get moving!

  9. Brittany says:

    I totally feel you. Except mine is with guys! UGH. I keep falling into the same patterns with them…like a boy. realize he’s not for you. cry yourself silly. fall BACK in love with God. See a boy.
    *Start cycle again.* It sucks and it definitely hurts. But I’m realizing sometimes its just TRYING that matters… not the endpoint or the goal, but the journey towards it. Choosing God every chance you get, learning to fight, and learning to really love (God, yourself AND others).

    Thanks so much for the post. You always make me feel so un-alone! 🙂

    • RachaeL says:

      I feel you Brittany! Its exhausting. I wonder how I can get through it. Somehow god knows. Our time is coming. Hope all is well.

  10. Clara says:

    I am going through exactly the same ‘crisis’… But I am single, which leaves me with less excuses for gaining weight, haha. At first, I got really mad at myself, and then I felt hideous and almost unworthy. After that, I started seeing a nutritionist and trainer and things are slowly changing – but they are!
    However, what I find most important of this experience is realizing that sometimes, it is OK, it happens – we gain weight and it’s normal. For some, it is a consequence of changes or just ageing. There is a lot we can do to remediate it, but I don’t wanna make such a drama about it again.

  11. Sarah says:

    I am a comfort eater, I am scared to exercise and although not always I value the opinion of others more than the opinion of my father in heaven.
    I’m sure that must hurt God, so I am in the process of learning how to look after myself but also how to believe what God speaks about me – no matter what happens!
    God is good! 🙂

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