Things get worse before they get better. Have you ever experienced that? You go to clean out a closet, break up with a boyfriend, get a new job, move to a new city, start a new habit. It sounds like a great idea before you start. This is absolutely what you've been needing — it's the exact right next step. You're sure of it.

You're making this change because life is hard, because life as you've been living it just isn't working anymore. So you gather up all of your convictions, your grit, and your courage, and you take the leap.

You pull all the things out of your closet and start to sort. You have the conversation, “Hey, this isn't working anymore,” you admit to yourself (and maybe to other people too), “Hey, I need help.”

And you think — you *think* that everything's going to get better once you take that first leap.

And it will. It will get better once you make this change. It's just going to take a minute, and honestly, things might get worse before they get better.

That's where we are right now.

I should preface this all with the fact that I LOVE SPAIN. I'm sitting in a new-to-me cafe, next to cases and cases full of the most beautiful sweets and treats you can imagine. I chose a cafe off the beaten path, a little bit, because I've noticed that nobody (seriously, NOBODY) sits in public with their laptops out. I'm totally waiting for the gruff woman who's about to bring me a cappuccino to wag her finger at me and issue a gruff, “No” as she gestures to my laptop.

Restaurants are for eating, enjoying, meeting, conversing. People are on their phones sometimes, sure. And I know there's a vibrant digital nomad community here (people who work remotely and who have made their home in Spain), but they are certainly not working from cafes.

I'll keep writing until someone comes and yells at me, or until a Spanish grandmother who's equal parts chic and opinionated, tells me that I've totally crossed a cultural line. 😅

Okay, back to the update.

I'm coming to the realization that we've totally just made our life harder. And in some ways, I didn't see that coming?

The last two years or so (or 4, actually), have taken 👏 it 👏 out 👏 of 👏 me.

They've been some of the most important years of my life — maybe the most important — but man, I'm exhausted.

First there was trying to get pregnant, which — heartbreakingly — did NOT go according to plan. Then there was the year of fertility tests, treatments, and ultimately going through IVF.

(By the way — I am ABSOLUTELY aware that IVF is under fire, and to say that I care is the understatement of the year. I am eternally grateful for IVF and the gift it was to our family. I want it to be available to all women all the time (and covered by insurance, if I really got to choose).

The reason you haven't seem me talking about it publicly a lot though is because I'm honestly barely keeping my head above water right now. I just genuinely don't have the energy to fight this fight as loudly as I want to. I'm so deeply grateful for the women who are, and I'll be voting like my life — or rather, my daughters' lives — depend on it.)

Okay, so IVF, and then the week before our embryo transfer (the week before I got pregnant), Covid hit. In fact, they shut down our clinic right after my transfer. We barely made it under the wire. So then there was a twin pregnancy and then having the twins (which, for me, the first year or so was the hardest part of it all. The sleep deprivation + shock to the system of suddenly being responsible for not one tiny lives but two — it's the hardest transition I've ever been through).

And then there was being launched into motherhood — trying to figure out who I am now that I'm a mom, and what motherhood means for the other things I feel like I'm meant to do in the world.

I've continued to work through these last four years. I've recorded countless podcast episodes, taught several courses, spoken at events and conferences, wrote and launched a whole new book, and did my first TED talk. At times, my work has gotten the best of my attention in these last four years. But other times, it's gotten almost none.

The thing about little kids is that they're sick a LOT — especially when they first start pre-school. So we spent a year (maybe longer), paying a bazillion dollars for daycare, but still not being able to work because the girls were sick.

And all of this has taken a toll both on our minds and bodies and maybe especially on our finances. It's been the most expensive few years of our entire lives, BY FAR. And I've never had less margin to dedicate to growing my business — which has left me with the distinct feeling that we're in a boat taking on water and no small fix was making it better.

We were tired of managing our life — trying desperately to keep up with it — instead of actually living it. We needed a break.

(This isn't the only reason we moved to Spain. It's also something Carl and I have wanted to do our whole lives — especially with our kids. But this contributed to why we decided to do it now.)

So we made a change. We sold most of our stuff, rented out our house, packed up our kids, and moved to Spain.

And I thought… I thought… that everything would get better when we arrived.

It has, but also, it hasn't yet.

In a lot of ways, it's made things harder.

Living here — the way we're structuring our lives here — will significantly reduce our cost of living. Our girls will be able to go to school, a great school, for free. We have less space and less stuff so we'll get to spend less time taking care of our home, and more time living in it (and exploring outside of it!)

But we're not there yet.

First, we have to start over — set up home all over again. We rented a house that's furnished, but we still needed a vacuum, some towels, and a few things for the girls. We will be saving a ton of money living here — but there have definitely been set up costs. So we're not there yet.

The biggest change is that at home, we had help taking care of the girls, and here we don't until they start school. Not only are we setting up a whole new life — finding cell phone plans, bank accounts, visas, new doctors, school registration forms — but we're doing so with two three year olds in tow who are still a full-time-job in and of themselves.

Oh, and on top of that, Carl and I moved here with two jobs we love and want (and need!) to keep doing. Our latest (and toughest challenge) has been trying to figure out how to do it all with limited hours in the day and gas in our mental, emotional, and physical tanks.

(The girls are doing AWESOME, and the girls ARE awesome, but I'm now VERY clear on why people call three-year-olds threenagers. Three year olds are NO joke.)

This move will add so much to our lives and take away a lot of things from our lives that we really needed a break from. I really believe, will make our lives easier in a lot of ways, but… we're just not there yet.

I'm wondering if you can relate to this.

Maybe you're getting out of a relationship — with a person or a job — and you know it's a good thing, in theory. But as soon as the righteous, determined anger fades, grief swoops in to take its place. Now, faced with the loss and fear that comes with having to navigate life in a new way and put yourself out there again — you're like, “Was it really so bad?”

That's why we don't change — because the hard parts about change show up before the good parts do. We don't change because change is uncomfortable, and that sense of discomfort makes us wonder if we made a mistake, which sends us scampering back into our comfort zone — living in a way that's not necessarily good for us, but that for the moment, feels more comfortable than starting over.

If you can relate to this right now, I want to tell you what I keep telling myself:

1. Change is uncomfortable, but it's worth it, and it won't be like this forever.

I actually have a keychain in my shop that I wish I'd brought with me to Spain. (Instead, I brought this one!)

It says, “It won't be this way forever” and I need that reminder a thousand different times a day for a thousand different reasons.

The season you're in right now — whatever it is — is special and important. There's beauty to behold and growth to experience. Pay attention, don't miss it. It won't be this way forever.

But also, this is really hard, and so take comfort in the fact that it won't be this way forever.

That's one of the things I keep reminding myself.

Truly, change is worth it. It doesn't fix things overnight, but it will. Just keep taking baby steps forward — poco a poco — you'll get there.

2. And then the other thing is to take stock of wins.

While this move hasn't made our whole lives easier (and in fact, has made them harder in some ways), there's so much good happening in and around us.

We're on an incredible adventure as a family — seeing, and tasting, and experiencing things we never would have been able if we had stayed at home in Nashville.

Not only are we on the adventure of a lifetime, but we're here with my best friend and her family — and getting to live life together in general, but specifically in our favorite country in the world — there are no words.

Every single day, when I step out of our front door and into the sights and smells and sounds that are so quintessentially Spanish, my soul does a happy dance. I can't explain it any other way. I'm so alive here. I'm loving every second.

My two small wins for the day yesterday were that I had not one but two phone conversations in Spanish and totally knew what the other person was talking about. I speak Spanish, and it's rare that I get lost in a conversation these days — but on the phone? Without facial expressions, context, or hand gestures? It's rough. But yesterday? Nailed it. I'm calling that a win.

The other thing that's been so cool is that while we're totally struggling in a few parts of life (managing our time and energy with two jobs and two three-year-olds and no childcare)…

There are other areas of life where we're really doing great!

Day-to-day life, without a car, living in the middle of a city, speaking a different language, eating different kinds of food, signing a lease for a new apartment (in Spanish), things I thought I'd be really intimidated to do — I'm not. I feel tall and strong and confident and capable. I don't feel afraid of much.

I was wondering why that is. I remember being in foreign countries at other points in my life feeling super intimidated by different aspects that feel different from home, and this time it doesn't feel that way.

But you know why I realized that is? Because I've grown a LOT since the last time I lived in Spain. I'm older, I'm wiser, and I have experience doing all kinds of hard things and so now, when something hard or intimidating comes up, I know that I can handle it. I know because I've handled all kinds of other things.

The more hard/intimidating/overwhelming/out-of-our-comfort-zone things we do, the more things we feel comfortable doing. “If I did that, what else can I do?”

It's so empowering.

So, if you're making a big change in your life, know that it might feel harder before it gets easier, and that that's normal. That's NORMAL — not a sign that you made a mistake, and so with everything in you, try to resist running back to your comfort zone. Stay in the discomfort, take it little by little, do the next right thing — and eventually it WILL get easier.

Remember that it won't be this way forever, and keep track of your wins. (I promise they're there!)

And above all, know that you're not alone.

I'm in your corner, today and always,

Stephanie

P.S. A bullet point update, just because I know I left some stuff out:

• We're officially moved into our apartment and almost completely settled — which feels great. (A few Ikea runs later.) Also, my Spanish vocabulary was massively stretched as I communicated with a few different plumbers about a pipe issue, but we made it!

• We've had some friends in town visiting already, which has been SO much fun. One of my dear friends from college married Kelsey's brother — which means family visits for Kelsey means friend visits for me! It was SO good to be with Lauryn and her family and also Tyler's best friend and his family. At one point we were getting dinner reservations for parties of 17! (a zillion of which were kids! 😂). It was wild but SO much fun. Then, a week or so later, my longtime friend Suzy came for a quick visit!
  

• While school doesn't start until September 10th, I did actually find a wonderful babysitter to help us out in the meantime. She's a grad student here in Granada and is working with the girls on their Spanish! She's a GEM. (And we're slowly but surely getting the girls acclimated to being with someone in addition to us again.)
  
  
• Our list of other cities we want to travel to is LONG. (“Where do I want to go? Um… everywhere!!!”) But we've been starting off slowly — holding off on any big trips until we really get settled and really get our life together. As mentioned above, we've been in a whirlwind for QUITE a while now, and we've needed some time to get ourselves organized. BUT… we just went for it and booked tickets for next week to the South of France! I'm SOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!
  

P.P.S. We'll do an apartment tour soon, promise!