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What to do When you Start Feeling Bitter as a Bridesmaid

I'm Stephanie May Wilson!

I'm an author and podcaster and my specialty is helping women navigate big decisions, life transitions — creating lives they love.

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A word about weddings…

Stephanie shares her best tips on how to be a good bridesmaid and a good friend as the bride & what to do when being a bridesmaid leaves you feeling bitter.
Me at my wedding with my sister and amazing bridesmaids!

When my little sister Kelly got engaged last year, I decided that I was going to make it my mission to be the best maid of honor ever. (Technically, I’m her matron of honor, but that makes me feel like an old lady!). I just got home from Denver because this weekend we threw her a bridal shower and bachelorette party and I'm feeling so happy and so relieved because it all came together perfectly. (I really am SO relieved. I've been sweating over every detail for months!).

Stephanie shares her best tips on how to be a good bridesmaid and a good friend as the bride & what to do when being a bridesmaid leaves you feeling bitter.

But while I'm feeling happy and excited for my sweet baby sister, I also wanted to pause here for a second. I know that for a lot of us, and for lots of different reasons, celebrations like these ones can be really hard on our hearts.

Summer is just around the corner, and I know that some of you may be feeling totally inundated by weddings right now. There were years of my life when it felt like every extra moment and every extra dollar went to celebrating somebody else’s wedded bliss.

This was especially hard when my love life wasn't exactly in the best shape. It's extra hard to be in a wedding or around a wedding when we're going through a breakup or feeling single as a Pringle and OVER IT.

I also know that weddings and the celebrations that lead up to them can take a lot out of us and that you may find yourself feeling bitter and a bit resentful as you pay for yet another blender, and yet another matching (often ugly!) bridesmaid dress.

If you're feeling any of these things, friend, I want you to know you're not alone. I have felt all of these things and more over the last many years of marrying off my friends. It's totally okay to feel whatever you're feeling.

But also, as friends and bridesmaids and maids of honor, there are a few things we need to remember along the way… 

First, we need to remember that there's more than enough to go around. We need to remember that if someone is getting married before us, it doesn't mean they're getting married instead of us. (I talked about this on Instagram awhile back. This quote is one of my favorites!)

Second, when we're feeling bogged down by the details and the planning and the cost and the time it takes to be part of someone else's wedding, we need to zoom out a little bit and remember that this isn’t just about the blender and the matching bridesmaid dress.

This is about celebrating a girl who means the world to us. It’s about standing next to her, holding her hand, and walking with her into a new season of life. It’s about giving her all of our help and our love both today and once she’s married, too. By buying that blender and putting on that matching dress, we’re saying, “I’m in your corner. You can do this, and I’m here to help you and cheer you on every step of the way.”

Let's remember why we're here, why this is important, why we're buying that blender, and let's do everything we can to make this season of her life special. Let’s make it our mission to be the best friends ever as our friends walk through this transition. Okay? ⠀

But also… a word for our beautiful brides:

Friends, there is neither reason nor excuse to be a bridezilla. It’s unacceptable. We want our friends to be good to us in this season, but we need to be good to them too. Let’s be sensitive to how they’re feeling, what they’re going through, and what they currently have on their plate. (As well as what they can afford. A bridesmaid dress does not need to cost $300 and we don't need to have a bachelorette party in Hawaii.) Let's remember to be kind, considerate, and reasonable with our requests! (Shoutout to my sister who has been the kindest, most considerate bride ever!)

Let's make it our mission to be the best friends ever to our friends, even as we walk through this transition. Okay?

These are just a few of the things I've been thinking about this week, and I wanted to make sure to share them with you!

I hope you have a wonderful week and I'll talk to you soon!

All my love,


P.S. Do you think my sister & I look alike? Some people say we do and some people say we don't!

P.P.S. As Kelly and her fiancé, Phil, have been navigating engagement, Carl and I have been having tons of conversations with them. We've been talking to them about how to navigate communication, conflict, expectations, wedding planning, and more! I've loved these conversations and I wanted to be able to share them with you too! If you could use some big brother/big sister encouragement and advice right now, check out the podcast episode Carl and I recorded together. I'd love to share it with you!

P.P.P.S. Lots of y'all have been asking me about the decorations I used for Kelly's bridal shower and bachelorette party. I did so much research as I tried to find the exact right things to make the day super special. (I made temporary tattoos of Kelly and Phil's faces. They were a hit!). If you could use some extra inspiration or help as you're planning a party for someone you love, I linked to all of the things I used right here on Pinterest!

Pin Me!

Stephanie shares her best tips on how to be a good bridesmaid and a good friend as the bride & what to do when being a bridesmaid leaves you feeling bitter.

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